Netflix Separates DVD and Streaming; Creates Qwikster

Netflix announced today that they are splitting their DVD rental and internet streaming services into two distinct services.  The streaming service will retain the name and brand "Netflix" while the DVD will be labeled "Qwikster."  The same red envelopes will come to your doorstep, just with a different name attached.  Announced in an email to customers and on their official blog, the service will start sometime in the near future and each entity will bill separately and lose the integration.  The Qwikster site is already up and ready to start at qwikster.com

I was hanging in there.  I enjoy getting those little red envelopes in the mail, even though I have used the streaming service more and more since it started.  Let's be honest, I have only sent back a handful of movies the last couple of years.  Still, I liked that I could go on their website and know that if I really wanted to see a movie, my 1 DVD and streaming plan meant that within two days I would be seeing it.  Now I have to go to two different sites?

New services through Qwikster are also put forth, such as a video game rental, but this is not for me.  I tried other services (Gamefly) for video games and just did not like them, and I play a lot of video games.

Also, I think it is wrong to site other companies failures (AOL and Borders) in your apology/announcement.  Cheap tactic that did not make me rise to save you but pity your demise.  Times they are changing and this loss of inter-connectivity will break Netflix.

I don't mean to whine, but I thought we had a good thing going, Netflix.  You've changed.  Reed Hastings claims "I messed up."  Yeah, you did, and you lost another customer to your DVD rental, too.

The Public Library Vs Netflix: DVD Battle Royal

The time has come, the public library and Netflix square off in a battle of epic proportions.  I wish I did not have to do this, just like the time I gave forks to my twins Eli and Manning with only one plate of spaghetti, but I am going to do it.  Who can give you the best service for your viewing pleasurability? 

While the public library and Netflix prepare, here's the rules:  There are no rules.  Each will compete in 6 categories; Cost, Selection, Wait Time, Loan Time, Online Availability, and Helpfulness.  Whoever wins this battle will be crowned Emperor of DVDs and the other thrown into The Pit of Shame.  Or not.  Depends on if the Pit of Shame is available.  

Cost: The Public Library

The Public Library don't cost you nuthin'.  Well, except the taxes, but you had to pay them anyway so you might as well take advantage.  Netflix will always cost you something, from their lowest streaming only plan to the 50 DVDs at once or whatever.  Oh, Netflix gets a low blow right from the get go as The Library raises its fist in triumph!

Pictured: Triumph

Selection: Netflix

Netflix comes back with a vengeance with however many titles to choose from on both DVD and streaming.  The Public Library falls short here, only having what the library could afford to buy cause they gots to worry about other things like books.  Boo hoo.  Netflix gives a round-house kick and delivers.

They changed into skirts for that one.

Wait Time: The Public Library

The Public Library has what Netflix does not: Location, giving it firm footing from which to kick Netflix square in the junk.  Netflix goes down again as you have to wait a whole business day to get the movies you want.  Netflix tried to fight back with "Well, what if what you want is gone? What if somebody checked out what I want? Mew, mew, mew."  Then you can pick something else up immediately and not have to wait.  The Public Library might not have what you want, but it's got something.

Here's a little something.

Loan Time: Netflix

Netflix was angry after that assault on its wait time and came back with its most devious of powers: unlimited loan time.  Sure, you keep getting charged for each month, but with the unlimited wait time your kid could watch Toy Story to infinity and beyond.  The Public Library, whatever its incarnation, requires you to have the items back so that someone else can use them.  With that pansy logic, Netflix flexes its hardened groin and screams into the night.

Primal Scream and Groin Flex, Yo.

Online Availability: Netflix

With a primal scream, Netflix pounds at the Public Library with a stream of movies from anywhere you are.  Found on most gaming platforms and smartphones, Netflix just does not give its opponent any room to breathe.  The Public Library attempts to fight back with services much like Netflix, but they cannot compare with the titanic amount of movies and TV shows Netflix has available.  Netflix using its streaming attack to fly at The Public Library and knock it to the ground.

I Believe I Can Fly!!!

Helpfulness: The Public Library

The Public Library comes into action by giving Netflix a steel folding chair of helpfulness to the face!  Netflix may be hurt by this one, folks.  Yeah, Netflix allows you to pick and rate movies you want.  Yeah, it gives suggestions about what you may like.  But it is cold and lifeless.  The Public Library wins the Helpfulness by being flesh and blood, caring and kind and always there to listen.  The Public Library cares why you want a movie, not just getting it to you as fast as possible.  The reason to watch something can make the difference between two hours of blah and a cheering family night of fun.  The Public Library smacks down Netflix again, then helps it up as we check out the results.

The Public Library does not kid about chairs to the face.

The Winner: Tie!

By this totally arbitrary scale, yes, neither won.  To be fair, if you have the money Netflix is a good service and the public library is always available.  In short, this contest should not be.  It is a silly dramatization of a pointless debate.  If you read this looking for a clear winner, then I am sorry because you must under or overvalue your public library's ability to serve.  I might as well have compared the public library's WiFi to Starbuck's WiFi.  Private companies will always do certain things better, but libraries will always have the advantage of being an integral part of a community.