April Fool Birthday Bomb

Looking for that April Fool Prank to mess with friends and possibly a company but do not want to do a lot of work?  Head over to Birthday Bomb and find out what these folks propose to do to Facebook.

All you have to do is change your birthday to April 1 on your Facebook profile and make it accessible to others.  The hope is that millions of people will do this, causing the birthday notifications on each profile to go a little batty April 1.

Does it hurt anyone? No.  Does it get a little laugh? Yes.  Might you get a card and $10 from your out of touch relatives?  Possibly.  Win Win, folks.

2011 100 Book Challenge

Here's another challenge I have set for myself:

From April 1st (Fool's Day) to October 1st (the last day of Banned Books Week), I will read and report back the Top 100 Banned/Challenged Books: 2000-2009 as recorded by the ALA.  Holy crap, I just said that out loud on the Internet.  Guess I have to do it.  Good times.

If you want to get in with this challenge, check out the Home Girl's Book Blog.  

A to Z Blogging Challenge

We here at the Banned Library think we are pretty smart cookies.  Smart enough that we know our whole entire alphabet, from A to Z.  Sure, when we were younger, we though "ElEmEnO" was one big letter, but we chart that up to youth and a stupid song.  
It is because of this incredible mastery of the art of the language of letters in order that we are partaking in the "A to Z Blogging Challenge."  Each day in the month of April (excluding Sundays, FSM's day) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide.  "How can you, such a youngin' in the blogging sphere (or blogosphere) undertake such a rigorous challenge?" you ask.  Well, by stating stout of heart and strong of mind, we shall overcome this Everest.  Join us, won't you?
Tossing It Out: A to Z Blogging Challenge

Coloring Book Drug Smugglin': Takes Me Back to Preschool

That ain't yellow dye #5

Three inmates and two civilians are facing charges when it was found they were smuggling the drug Suboxone  pasted onto coloring book pages into the Cape May County Correctional Center.  After following a tip, officers began scanning the jail's mail until they found the coloring pages.  

Kinda puts all those kids running around the Children's Department into perspective, huh?  Remember, the next time a toddler gives you a drawing outside the lines, you get that down to the boys in the crime lab, STAT.  Or I guess you could lick the paper and see if you catch a buzz.  More likely you will catch flu, but whatevs.  That's the price you pay for fast livin'.  Remember, what happens in the play area, stays in the play area.

MSNBC via Geekologie

Cell Phones in the Library: Pittsburg Woman Arrested

In Pittsburg last week, a woman was arrested in the Los Meanos college library for "suspicion of resisting arrest" after police confronted her about using her cellphone in the library.  What happened during the incident is under dispute, however everyone can agree that she was talking on her cell phone in the library at some point.  That alone should be a crime.

I don't want to get off on a rant here about cell phones, but when did we need to be connected to everyone at all times?  Is no place sacred?  If I walked into your church during services and started talking at high volume, I would get kicked the hell out, yet the jackass next to me in the college library while I am trying to study gets free reign?  And put the phone down when you know you will be interacting with others.  I do not care if you are going through the drive-thru at Wendy's, put down the damn phone and give the server/waitress/librarian/dude with smock a little bit of respect instead of dismissing them.

Whew.  I felt really old there for a second in a "You damn kids get off my lawn" kinda way.  Ah, don't you worry, cell phoners.  You are okay, I guess.  Except for the folks with that little glowing thing stuck in your ear.  We used to stone people who stuck things in their ears and talked to themselves, ya know.  Shakes cane in the air and waves it like just don't care.


Mercury News

Obscure Novel "Gone With The Wind" Chapters Found

Some obscure novel's last chapters were found in the Pequot Library in Southport, CT.  The book, Gone with the Wind, was a Civil War historical fiction piece about a nihilistic man who does not give a damn and an anorexic woman who defeats her illness and vows never to go hungry again.  Frankly, I don't get it, but I guess this thing was popular.  I think they made a movie about it, too, but we all know the book is usually better.  

NYTimes via lisnews.org

Miss Marple Update? Let's Go Further Than Jennifer Garner

Just screams "Electra"

Well, it turns out that they are rebooting Agatha Christie's "Miss Marple" franchise with Jennifer Garner in the title role, so says the People.  Okay, even saying "Miss Marple franchise" leaves a weird taste in my mouth.  Do we need to do this?  I mean, it could rock.  Look at Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey, Jr. except of course I trust the dude who did Chaplin much more than I trust the girl from Alias, and I liked that show.

But why stop there?  Down below I have a couple more suggestions for reboots in various media.

Because we started with classic lit, let's hang out there for a bit.  Who wants to see hunky werewolf boy Taylor Latner as The Man of La Mancha, Don Quixote?  We can call it "El Dude from La Valley."  Ooo, or how about Megan Fox as Anna Karenina, or shall we call it "Annie Karen"?  Nope, I got it.  Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical as the title character in "Madam Bovary: The Musical."  Beware falling box office records, cause we gonna smash 'um.

Speaking of movies: remember award-sweeping Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood?  How about we have a prequel called "Totes Forgiven" staring Robert Pattinson as a young William Munny.  The George Burns classic comedy Oh, God! is an easy fit for Dustin Diamond from Saved by the Bell called "Holy Crap!"  Hell, we could have a new young Indiana Jones, too.  All we have to do is call up Shia Labeouf... Wait just one damn minute.

Anyway, on to the small screen to remake some classic TV.  The first up is easy, barely have to change the name: "The Beverly Hills-billies" starring those morons from The Hills over on MTV.  Get the gang back together.  Next is another given:  We bring back the power duo of Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens (after her run as Madame Bovary, of course) as Archie and Edith Bunker to star in "All in the Family: The College Years."  Cannot wait to see how they ruin that classic title song.  Finally, Andy Griffith may have been a feisty, homespun lawyer Matlock that everyone loved and respected, but his nephew has come into town to shake up the family business.  I give you Justin Beiber as "Matt Pop-n-Lock."

Volunteers Running the Asylum: Santa Cruz Staffing Solution

Santa Cruz, CA's ten branches got a bit of a shake up this week when it was announced the new fiscally responsible way to run a library is without librarians.  A new plan, to be voted on April 4, would have the ten branches of the library system stay open with increased hours but dependent on volunteers to staff.  Reference help and other "library" related activities would be remanded to online and telephone help.  In a quote to Library Journal, director Teresa Landers had this to say:

"The public's going to have to choose," Landers told LJ. "They can't have it all. What we 
heard is, 'we want the doors open.' That's what we're giving them."


Snap!  Take that, public!  I am not sure how she meant that to come out, but that's all the context you get.  I see this as the seen from Network:  Her standing on the Circ Desk, pounding her leg with a copy of the Statistical Abstract, yelling, "I'm mad as hell and... where the hell is everybody?"  Then three "volunteers" come along and haul her away of the computer lab before the Facebook zombies wake up and demand a Starbucks in the lobby.


Also, just a note:  "Santa Cruz" sounds like somewhere Kris Kringle goes to pick up chicks.  Just sayin.

Paul Baran, 84, Passes Away

Paul Baran, 84, passed away of complications due to lung cancer.  "Who?" you ask.  Why, just the person who helped create Arpanet, the precursor to the Internet you silly rapscallion fooly fool.

 But do not feel too silly.  You are not the first one to never hear of this guy.  In the 1960s, Baran took his idea of a distributed communications system to AT&T and they ignored him.  Or sent him a nice rejection letter, I have no idea.  I was not there.  The point is, if more people listened to this guy, we would have better reception on our iPhones for the last few years. 

After that DARPA (the government agency that sits around all day thinking about and building crazy shit) decided that this kid and his idea had lots of moxie, so they took him out for a malted and built Arpanet.  Or sent him a nice letter, I have no idea.  I was not there.

Also, according to Wikipedia, he was "a badass mother from the wrong side of the tracks.  Yeah, buddy, he starred in Son in Law with Paulie Shore.  Metallica Rulz."  I think that may be incorrect, however.

So, Paul Baran as well as countless others, I thank you for all the porn allowing me and others to share our ramblings with the rest of the world.  FSM bless you.

New York Times

Gov'ment Dumping Statistical Abstract? The Hell?!

It has a damn shuttle on it!   

The Statistical Abstract of the United States is being targeted for deletion through budget cuts.  The book has been in publication since 1878 and will be put down by the budget communists sometime within the next year unless librarians have anything to say about it.  The excellent resource we will have to see through dark times, like a young Kyle Reese, libraries must save the Statistical Abstract and make sweet, sweet love to it before the Budget Terminator comes to kill us both.  And then we have a whiny kid.

That rant was only so I could plant the idea in your head as Ahnold Swartezhoffenater Govenator knocking on a door:  "Statistical Abstract?"  "Yes?" Shoots through the door with a shotgun made of cuts, budget cuts.  Then Michael Biehn as the library coming through the window, "Come with me if you want to live!" Duh, duh, da da, duh.

Library Journal

The Future of Libraries in Society: A Cat in a Box

Ever hear of Schrodinger's cat?  Really smart dude named Schrodinger came up with it.  Go figure.  The idea is that if you put a cat in a box with a deadly poison that can be released at any random time, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead at the same time until you open the box and find out.  It's a physics thing.  Now that I have horrified the cat lovers, let me explain how this relates to libraries.

The cat represents the library's future place in society, the box is time moving forward, and the poison is new emerging technologies.  Great things can be accomplished if librarians have the stones to grab hold of technologies in interesting and user friendly ways.  Dead things will happen if we either lag behind or adopt the wrong technologies at the wrong times.  The problem is we will not know until we cross that event horizon in the future and see if what we have done is worthwhile.

So why am I going on about this?  I wanna look into the future.  Now, I will steer clear of Ray Kurzweil and the Singularity because, frankly, it illicits both shock and awe out of my tuccus.  Check out his books and lectures on the subject if you want a real scientified view.  As a librarian who has watched tech unfold these last 15ish years while hanging around libraries, this is what I think and at times hope will happen.  Hit the jump for the timeline.

2 Years - eBook Access to All
Now, I know what you are thinking: "eBooks are already accessible to all" and "Get out of my head, demon!"  The answers to both are "nuh-uh."  Today, eBooks are licensed to either specific machines or carriers.  With exclusivity rights, that means some carriers (cough, Kindle, cough)  cannot access certain content or have their content accessed on other platforms.  All well and good, but I bet you in two years people are going to get fed up with having five apps on their phones just to read their favorite books.  A universal format will emerge (probably ePub with more DRM) and books will be set free once again.

3 years - Universal eBook Carriers
A year after the eBook format war ends, a universal book carrier will emerge.  One entity, possibly the LoC, Project Gutenberg or more likely Overdrive, will rise and begin collecting and distributing ebooks in much the same way a Baker & Taylor does now.  They buy from the publisher and libraries buy from them at lower rates with less risk.  This sounds like what Overdrive is doing now, but not really.  At the moment, services like this are at the publisher's whim, as evidenced by the Harper Collins 26 checkout limit.  After publishers agree on a format and the rules, i.e. less tempted into hissy fits, universal carriers will evolve.  Companies will rise to cover the wholesale markets, such as libraries.

5 years - 3D OPACs Online over broadband
Now that eBooks are in the norm, people begin to look for access.  In five years, broadband service will be as common and cheap as the telephone.  This will allow for greater connectivity speeds and use for the average OPAC catalog search.  Innovation will arise for the user interface.  Imagine an OPAC where instead of a list of books and maybe a cover photo, the OPAC was a 3D representation of the library.  As most video games today, the user could "walk" around this 3D world, pull books off the shelf, and browse looking for that moment of serendipity that only comes when wandering through the stacks and finding that perfect book.

10 years - Universal WiFi, Realistic AI Reference Help
With broadband now expanded to every area of the civilized world, people will turn to high speed wireless communications.  Speeds over wireless will be possible that will make 3G look like dial-up.  Libraries will be at the forefront of this revolution as we expand our already free signals out into the communities, either by partnering with large companies or buying the transmitters.  Every mobile device, meaning even your toaster by that point, will be able to connect to the Internet for free with access increasing at an exponential rate.
At the same time universal WiFi begins to spread, artificial intelligence will spread as well.  That artificial intelligence will respond to humans in a convincing way, enough to answer any question it is asked.  Sounds scientific and too crazy modern?  Text "Weather" and your zip code to the number 466453 (GOOGLE) on your cell.  Some computer out there will respond to you with accurate and up-to-date information in a matter of moments.  Also, they have already beaten us at Jeopardy, so let us just get ready for them to answer our reference questions.  Just do not think about that dumbass robot "team mate" on Call of Duty that keeps shooting you and the wall.

15 years - Full AI Hologram Librarians
Riding on the coattails of a better functioning AI will be the representation of that AI.  Full holograms will begin to be used throughout society in a fully responsive way,  not just recordings like the London airport holograms.  The self checkout station will come fully equipped with a 3D model librarian that offers full librarian functionality on the fly.  As long as they do not call it "Marian the Librarian," all should be well.

20 years - All Information Digitally Archived
Although the process has already begun with groups like Google and Project Gutenberg, digital information will become the medium of choice for future generations.  The idea of going to a place, like a records department, to access books of information will be preposterous to a society that will essentially live online.  The effect this will have on libraries will be immediate as libraries become more sparsely populated with only those patrons who need our services because they do not understand how to navigate the information super-duper highway that will be created.

30 years - Public Libraries Become Museums
The public library as we know it will cease to exist.  Look around the library of today versus 20 years ago and see how much it has changed.  Think about the exponential growth from the card catalog to the OPAC to the WiFi enabled netbook that when it passed its 2 year anniversary the staff began calling it "Old Bessie."  Think about what the librarian you grew up with would say if she saw someone sipping out of a Starbucks cup that he or she bought downstairs.  With universal WiFi, AI to assist patrons, nearly all paper scanned and cheaper electronics to access information, libraries will become more about knowledge than pure access.  School groups and study partners will become our main patrons.  The public library will become more like museums of today, quiet places to sit, contemplate, and eat cocktail wienies while talking to pretentious artists, authors and local public officials.  The library will become a status symbol for a town.

50 years - Government agencies will stop requiring faxes
This is optimistic, but I can hope.

What do you think will happen in the future of libraries?  Am I just projecting too much like Back to the Future II (only 4 years left to get me a hoverboard, science guys) or do I have some valid points?  Comment below or email evan@bannedlibrary.com

Poll IV: Pole Position

With an overwhelming majority, The Flash has won this weeks poll with over 50% of the votes.  Right on ya, Internetz.

This weeks poll:  What would you rather spend money on:  Paper books, ebooks, computers, programing or a staff bar tab?

Also, check out our continuing poll that asks the hard question "Does your library use eBooks?"  Remember to answer honestly, because I have the technology to track you down and have you shot.

(My fellows are telling me that no, no I do not.  Next time, Gadget Interwebs.  Next time!)

8 Types of Patrons in the Computer Lab

Helping someone on a computer who is not familiar with the Internetz and all its glory is daunting.  From basic copying and pasting to navigating the land mines of garbage out there, patrons without much experience are almost doomed to fail.  Here is where we come in.  Librarians, physical search engines and masters of PEBKAC*, must help our patrons the best we can.

After the jump are the most common patrons that I know of and how to deal with them.

1. Entry Level:  We can help you set up an email, first put the mouse back on the table.
Your entry level computer user will have no idea how to do things you take for granted, such as navigating the GUI**.  He or she will not understand how the mouse works and honestly, does not need to.  Simply explain what it does and have them play with it.  Best practice when working with entry level users is to not do the work for them.  Tell them what to click and what the clicks mean.  Tell them what to type and why they are typing there.  Do not do the typing and clicking for them.  The best way for computer users to learn is to simply do the work.  They will get better, just keep encouraging them and telling them that everyone makes these mistakes at first.  The worst thing you can say is "You are not doing that right."  This is a computer, no one does it right.

2. Wikihounds: I am sorry, but just because Wikipedia claims Obama is Canadian today does not make it so.

The next person up is the almost competent "Wikihound".  This person has just enough knowledge to be a danger to himself.  The Wikihound is the person that came up with the idea of "Just Google It."  He or she finds information from  sources when only the best will do.  When researching a paper on ancient Roman mythology, the Wikihound flies right by the ".edu" sites and copies and pastes the entirety of www.ancientromekicksass.com.  Beware this user as he or she will attempt to help other patrons.  The best way to handle these users is to explain to them how Wikipedia works and use the word "plagarism" a lot.  Other than that, not much anyone can do.

3. Job Searchers:  I guess your tractor experience would help you get into flight school.

The Job Searcher could be either an Entry Level or a Wikihound.  The Entry Level Job Searcher takes tender care, as he or she will have endless questions often pertaining to delicate information you may not wish to be priviy to, such as references and other personal information.  The Wikihound will simply search the wrong sources and become lost in a quagmire of websites charging for resumes and others that ask for social security numbers.  The best way to help these people is to give them books on the subject and steer them toward simple websites that will guide them through the process.  In this economic times, treat these patrons with kid gloves as their need is one of the strongest.

4. Unsocial Networker:  I do not know why your daughter does not join your "I love Great Danes" group.

Now we begin to delve into the horror of patron assistance.  Behold as we attempt to help those that take your time simply because you offer it.  The first is the Unsocial Networker.  The next step past Entry Level.  Most issues with social networks are easy to solve, how to upload a picture or how to "invite" someone.  The Unsocial Networker will attempt to drag you into his or her personal issues, asking why someone has not replied to an email or why no one cares that Fluffy, the family Great Dane, is sick with a broken heart.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do with this patron besides listen.  That is probably all they need anyway.

5. The Unsocial Gamer:  I am sorry, but I cannot join your Farmville.

Beyond the Unsocial Networker is the Unsocial Gamer.  Fighting to keep their crops growing at all costs, these patrons will monopolize computer time until they grow into the chair.  Most problems exist when they have not finished running through all their games before time is up.  A subset is the poker player, who often has money riding on his terrible, terrible hands.  The Unsocial Gamer will stay until the librarian pulls the plug on the machine.  I recommend doing that.

6. Unwary Public:  Probably not the best idea to read your SSN into your cell in the computer lab.

The Unwary Public are often not aware they are in public at all.  They will use public computers for every unsecured, dangerous and stupid task in the world.  Not only will they use the public computers with wild abandon, they will say aloud passwords, PIN numbers and even Social Security Numbers as they type or, more often, talk to tech support on their cell phones.  The public library should be an identity thief's favorite hangout spot.  Again, there is no real way to protect people from themselves besides warning them of the dangers.

7. Quizzeteers:  I am not sure why it says you should be in Slytherin, you are obviously a Griffindor.

While not the most obvious computer lab patron, the Quizzeteer can be multitude of things.  He or she could ask you ten times in a row how to find contact information on the same website within an hour.  They could ask you how to bold something when you just showed them.  They could also be crazy and sit doing Internet quizzes over and over again.  Fun to hang out with if you want to know what kind of ninja you would be (Hint: Silent but Deadly.) but soon the questions would just come right back out.

8. Target Demographic:  They want your money.  All of it.

Yet another aspect of the Entry Level is the Target Demographic.  This is not the same as "white she-male, age 12-92."  No, the Target Demo for Internet ads is generally, "dumb enough, able to click on flashy flashy advertisement."  These are the people who sit in casinos all day feeding machines nickels waiting for the big pay out.  Poor, naive souls that believe anything the flashing lights tell them, without contemplation of where the message is coming from.  The message is They want your money, all of it.

In conclusion, computer lab patrons work like the brakes on your car:  when they are good you do not notice them, but when they are not you will crash into a tree that was hanging over the overpass and get run over by a train.  A big train.  Called Interwebs.  Super highway.  Enjoy some Tom Cochrane.

*"Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair" also known as an "ID-10T error"
**"Graphic User Interface" Using a mouse to click on stuff on a screen.