Charities, Alan Moore Banned and Bedbugs: Week of Dec 2 - Dec 8

www.childsplaycharity.org

First, I want to tell you about two charities that do awesome things for children in hospitals.  The first is Child's Play Charity.  Set up by the creators of the webcomic Penny Arcade as a way for gamers to give back, Child's Play donates millions of video games, books, and other items to children's hospitals all over the world.

http://www.kateskart.org/ 

The second is Kate's Kart, a similar charity that focuses on donating books to children's hospital and promoting literacy.  Both of these charities are remarkable and I encourage you to support their efforts in providing hope, love and maybe a little distraction to those that need it the most: sick kids. 

Okay, sorry, but I had to get that out of the way.  Here's the quick news: 

Rumor has it that the University of Chicago is campaigning to become the Presidential Library of Barack Obama.  Time was we would build a new library to host the presidential what-nots, but I guess using any old thing will do.

The Library of Congress has released over 1,600 color photographs of World War II era American Society photographs.  Too bad none of them have anything to do with what the American Ninja Michael Dudikoff or the dhampir Bloodrayne were up to.

Birmingham, AL area has made the news twice.  The first time was when the Homewood Public Library started a series of events aimed at educating the public on a variety of topics including Medicare and ghosts while the Birmingham Public Library was focused on a program about fashion.  I do not know about you, but when I think about going to Alabama, the only things I can think about are how good I feel, how good I look, and what happens when I die.

Juliet Machie, former librarian at the Detroit Public Library, has sued the library commission for campaigning to stop her being promoted.  The most damaging campaigns came in the form of text messages that were aimed at her accent.  Now, sheeet, I don't know bout y'all, but that's fucked up.  They gotta see bout that.

The Cobb Public Library System in Georgia spent 13 days with slow Internet speeds.  A number of patrons lost thousands of fake dollars in fake Farmville crops as the browsers just would not refresh.

The graphic novel Neonomicon by Alan Moore was pulled from the shelves of the Greenville County Library System in South Carolina after a mother of the 14 year old reader challenged the book.  The book was in the adult section of the library and checked out on an adult card.  "Ahhh!  I made a mistake and now my child has questions and everybody has to pay for that injustice!"
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Over 500 historic photographs are now on display at the Washington State Library of the Nooksack Valley area.  I just wanted to write "Nooksack Valley."

Bubba Gump Partners With Destin Library.  All in the title.  Thanks, Florida.

Magazine giant Cosmopolitan and romance publisher Harlequin have teamed up to form an ebook partnership.  No mention if they are going to go after the Batman with separately themed traps or combine their powers to defeat him.

The Marathon County Public Library in Wisconsin unveiled an aquarium this week.  Cosmo and Harlequin have begun making plans to install sharks with laser beams as we speak.

Marisa Anton of New York pleaded guilty this week to pursuing sexual advances with a sixteen year old boy under her charge as a school librarian.  Damn those sex crazed librarians, know what I mean?

Bedbugs found in University of Washington's library books are being frozen off.  The bedbugs will be defrosted sometime in the year 2050 after they are needed to fight the super-criminal Wesley Snipes.

Library Employee Charged with Credit Card Theft

"A former Des Moines Library Foundation employee is accused of using the organization’s credit card to steal money.  Stephen Haider was arrested Monday and charged with first degree theft and unauthorized use of credit cards. Both are felony charges."

Why can't people understand?  If you are going to steal from a library, there are much easier ways to do it.  Like everybody everywhere does all the time.  Just check out a bunch of stuff and turn it around on eBay, like normal Americans.  Plus, if you have the inside ticket, stay away from the damn credit cards.  

I mean, think about the children.  Whatever that means.

LIBRARY THIEF: Former Employee Charged - WHOTV.com:

WHOTV.com

LIBRARY THIEF: Former Employee Charged WHOTV.com A former Des Moines Library Foundation employee is accused of using the organization's credit card to steal money. Stephen Haider was arrested Monday and charged with first degree theft and unauthorized use of credit cards. Both are felony charges.

Casey County Library Gone Batshit

After a storm damage last July, the Casey County Public Library had to shut down.  The library continued to be closed, however, because of a bat infestation that lead to a severe build up of guano.

"Guano." Aka "bat shit."  And I'm not talking about Lindsey Lohan, either.  Although wouldn't that be awesome?  After Frankenstorm, several libraries closed and I think it would be awesome if LiLo went rogue and was found hiding in one of the abandoned buildings encased in her own "guaLo."  Make for a great headline, anyway.

Casey library set to reopen after 'bat-astrophe' - Central Kentucky News:

Casey library set to reopen after 'bat-astrophe' Central Kentucky News But the real reason behind the library's extended shutdown is a bit more fantastic and spookier — bats! More specifically, bat guano that had accumulated in the storm water was unleashed, causing potential contamination that has required a lot more ... and more »

MoMa Makes Video Games Art

MoMa, the Museum of Modern Art, has begun collecting video games.  Yeah, you heard me.  Fourteen video games were selected by the museum and officially dubbed "art."  If this does not make sure that my generation is taking over the world nothing does.  Let's look at the list:

Pac-Man (1980) - Considered the Van Gogh of the bunch.  No ears, get it?
Tetris (1984) - Obviously derivative of Picasso.
Another World (1991) - This is a game, I'm told.
Myst (1993) - Be cause matte paintings can be video games, too.
SimCity 2000 (1994) - Rodin, the thinking man's game.
vib-ribbon (1999) - I heard this existed.
The Sims (2000) - Because trapping people in a room and taking away the doors until they die is somebody's art.
EVE Online (2003) - The essence of Cheeto dust on a keyboard.
Katamari Damacy (2004) - Because Dali was bored that day.
Dwarf Fortress (2006) - Who the fuck knows why this is here?
flOw (2006) - aRt is intereSTing with ranDomness
Portal (2007) - I'ma go ahead and just give this a pass.
Passage (2008) - Sure, this was also a game that... I don't know this one.
Canabalt (2009) - Nope, not even gonna comment.  The name scares me and I don't know why.

So here's what we have: A bunch of cubists art with some surrealists sprinkled in.  Hope you enjoy.

MoMa acquires 14 video games for collection, confirms video games as art

Chicago Fires Library Custodians

A controversial $99 million janitorial contract has lead to fifty-four custodians charged with cleaning Chicago Public libraries getting their walking papers, effective Friday.

This is a city wide controversy, but think about the implications for a moment.  Sure, this effects some pretty large parts of Chicago life, like O'Hare airport, but to take away janitors from the library?  That's like taking away the Rosy the Robot from the Jetsons!  Sure, the show can limp along and George can take care of his own damn self for a hot minute, but sooner or later he's gonna wake up, find he can't get out of bed and start jumping off the platform into the dark abyss into whatever lays beneath those sky houses.

Yep, I just put suicide into the Jetson's universe.  Good luck not talking about that today.  That planet would make the Golden Gate Bridge look like a trampoline.

City lays off library custodians - Chicago Sun-Times:

CBS2 Chicago

City lays off library custodians Chicago Sun-Times City library custodians are laid off at the City of Chicago Department of Fleet and Facility Management on Friday, November 30, 2012. Secretary of Treasury Matt Brandon, who represents all public employees, confirms that over 50 workers will be laid ... Chicago Library Janitors Laid OffCBS2 Chicago all 3 news articles »

Library News in Short: Week of Nov 25 - Dec 1

Union Gap Library Closed - Seems if your city can't pay, the libraries won't play.

Skowhegan Library Finds Old Books -  Check your libraries attic and see what you find.

San Francisco Public to Design Library Cards - Most popular design?  The "Cock and Balls," a delightful rendition of a rooster playing tennis.

Maine ebook Firm Says No to Nonfiction - That's the one that's not true, right?  I always confuse those two.

Archway Books Announced - The lovely folks at Simon & Schuster tell public "Fine, publish your own crap."

Manheim Township Library Plays with Legos - "Read, Build, Play?"  More like... um... I wanted to win that.

Schoolcraft Community Librarian Surprised to be Nominated - She thought she had entered to win Ben Stein's money.

Bob Saget Has a Book Deal - 10 Ways to Bang the Olsen Twins

Poland Library Stinks - Had they only gone with Brand X, this wouldn't be a problem.

Gingerbread Invades Medway Public Library - If the tiny gingerbread people could only know the holocaust that awaits them.

Librarian's Can't Do Michael Jackson Says Youtube - Then what the hell are we supposed to do with our weekend?  Here's that video:

Haunted Library on the TeeVee

The paranormal experts on the SyFy Channel’s “Ghost Hunters” believe the Rundel Library in Rochester is haunted. On Wednesday night’s episode, “Due Date with Death,” the members of the The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS) found that the library is probably haunted, although they were not able to figure out by which spirit or spirits.

There was this comedian, I forget who, who stated that if ghosts were real, they would not be proven as fact at midnight on a cable show.  That news would be broadcast probably broken in the middle of an episode of "Amercian Idol" by Tom Brokaw and Katie Couric screaming "Ghosts are fucking real and here's the proof!"

But here's the truth:  Ghosts are not real.  If they were, a lot more people without tin foil hats would believe in them.  Am I sure that the residents of the Rundel Library believe they have ghosts?  Sure.  Because just like the ghost hunters, they want to believe that.  They are like the second half of Myth Busters, the good part after the actual science is done where things get blowed up.  They want to make it true, so they do, but that don't make it so.

Library Expects More Visitors After "Ghost Hunters" Episode

Brooklyn Libraries Struggling to Rebuild

"Five Brooklyn libraries severely damaged by Sandy are still shuttered nearly a month after the storm - and will cost unprecedented millions to get back up and running."

Normally, I would say something snarky about now, but the pictures in the article below horrified me.  They remind me of a time not too long ago when my own state was devastated by a hurricane and hundreds of libraries were effected along the Gulf Coast, some of which never recovered.  Only through the altruism of our fellow man and librarian did those libraries rebuild, and so it is here.  I am sure there is a local effort to help these libraries get back on their feet, and I hope the lawmakers involved can look past the $10 million dollar price tag and see the investment that money can be.

Also, one of the captions in the article reads "Not a pulp fiction!"  Seriously, dude?  Not the time.  Too-sunami.

Five Brooklyn libraries hit hard by Sandy still closed - and will cost $10 ... - New York Daily News:

New York Daily News

Five Brooklyn libraries hit hard by Sandy still closed - and will cost $10 ... New York Daily News Five Brooklyn libraries severely damaged by Sandy are still shuttered nearly a month after the storm - and will cost unprecedented millions to get back up and running. “We were hurt,” said Brooklyn Public Library VP of strategic planning Jeanette Moy ... and more »

AskMen Going Into the eBook Biz

"AskMen.com, one of the top men-focused lifestyle sites on the Web with 20 million monthly unique visitors, is ramping-up its nascent ebook publishing program.
The site has published five ebooks so far, starting this past June, and has sold them on Amazon and other retailers for prices ranging from $0.99 to $9.99. The content has been mostly re-purposed but upcoming titles will be original content. The company plans on publishing around 20 ebooks next year."

We have no more need to look for proof that ebooks and ebook publishing are an unjustified medium than this story right here.  The context of the story is that AskMen is publishing ebooks, but they are not.  What they are doing is extending their brand to cover books that anyone can write and anyone can publish in a format that anyone can publish in.  This is not a "new thing."  Coca-Cola, if they had the inclination, could do the same thing.  Hell, I could do the same thing.  Just send me your ebook, I'll sign up for the account, format your book, sell the thing and give you the minuscule profits that come with selling books through Amazon's ebook market.  

The only way this has really become a legit enterprise is through sites like Pottermore, and that's only because Harry Potter fans are a little bit nuts.  And rightly so.  If Oprah decided she was going to extend her brand, she could dominate the ebook market by reaching out to small authors and give them an audience.  Then she could devour their souls, sucking out their chewy center.  But, if people are reading, more power to them.  I just hope the quality AskMen.com devotes to their articles continues into their ebooks.

AskMen.com Ramping-up Ebook Program - Digital Book World:

AskMen.com Ramping-up Ebook Program Digital Book World AskMen.com, one of the top men-focused lifestyle sites on the Web with 20 million monthly unique visitors, is ramping-up its nascent ebook publishing program. The site has published five ebooks so far, starting this past June, and has sold them on ...

Library of Congress Civil War Letters Show How Much Modern Americans Suck At Writing

"Letters and diaries from those who lived through the Civil War offer a new glimpse at the arguments that split the nation 150 years ago and some of the festering debates that survive today.
The Library of Congress, which holds the largest collection of Civil War documents, pulled 200 items from its holdings to reveal both private and public thoughts from dozens of famous and ordinary citizens who lived in the North and the South. Many are being shown for the first time."

Once again, the LoC breaks out its toy chest and shows how inadequate we are as 21st century Americans.  Yes, many of these Civil War letters/diaries were penned by people that were wrestling with and ultimately made poor life decisions, but have you seen the penmanship on these things?  I am not even sure I can write a cursive "Q" and these guys are doing calligraphy while having deep and engaging thoughts.  

Also, the deep and engaging thoughts part.  In one hundred and fifty years, will the LoC break out twitter feeds from now?  What would that say?  "From American twitter user @homiefarts: I cnt Blive I cnt watch the return of LiLo in #Liz&Dick cause of #Frankenstorm aftermath."  Imagine that the next time you tweet about your breakfast.

US library pulls diaries, letters from Civil War - The Associated Press:

US library pulls diaries, letters from Civil War The Associated Press WASHINGTON (AP) — Letters and diaries saved for 150 years from those who lived through the Civil War are offering a new glimpse of the arguments that split the nation. The Library of Congress holds the largest collection of Civil War documents.

Apple Bans Back Nudity on Erotic Arabic Novel

"Last week, Europa Editions, a publisher of world literature in translation, wrote on their Facebook page that one of their novels, The Proof of the Honey by Salwa Al Neimi, has been removed from the iTunes bookstore due to the image on its cover.
The erotic novel discusses the role of sex in modern Arabic society, and its cover features the backside of a reclining, naked woman. This may seem worthy of removal, but, as Europa Editions points out, "classical nudes by Ingres, Renoir, and Botticelli, not to mention photography by Man Ray," are not deemed inappropriate by Apple, nor are modern books with similar covers."

Apple, Apple, Apple... Come on, dudes...  It's 2012.  You are fucking Apple.  You have your consumer market.  You are in the pocket and backpack of... hell, half the planet.  The point where you could offend people with products you offer and lose consumers is way, way past.  And where did this puritanical ideology come from?  Who at Apple looked at a product the first time out and said, "Nope, not here.  Apple's a family company."  Was it Steve Jobs?  Huh?  Like Sam Walton at Wal-Mart before him, did he take a stand for the non-controversial?  Cause, and I mean this with all due respect, when Walton kicked it, Wal-Mart started carrying the same unedited smut as everyone else.  Your audience, the latest generation, has grown up with the most unprecedented access to pornography the world has ever seen.  They made 50 Shades of Grey a big moneymaker.  They can take a woman's back and the word "vagina." 

Apple Bans 'Erotic' Book Cover From iTunes - Huffington Post

Librarian Tattoo Calendar

"The Youth Services Section of the Massachusetts Library Association has a new fundraiser: the Tattooed Youth Librarian Calendar. Sixteen models from libraries all over Massachusetts participated in the photo shoot on September 16, 2012. A local photographer volunteered his time and talent for this great cause."

Hell yeah, let's get those tattooed librarians off of Tumblr and into your home on a paper calendar!  Oh, yeah, I can't wait to read quotes and see book covers come to life on the skin of my fellow book pushers! 
Only one problem: There's twelve months in a year.  Not sixteen.  I guess I can see some Voltron librarians out there that got matching tattoos that link together and create mystical energy like some kind of twin versions of that scene in the Constantine movie with the Keanu Reeves to banish evil patrons, but I doubt it.  More than likely there's a couple crazy kids out there with a couple of Harry Potter fanfic tats, but there you go.
Librarians Ink: Massachusetts Librarians Reveal Tattoos in New Calendar - Patch.com

Nirvana Lives On In eBook

Sub Pop founder He Who Shall Be Named In An Article Linked Below is releasing an ebook that will include rare pictures of the members of the band Nirvana.  Allow me to now speculate what the pictures will be of:

Guys dressed in grunge clothes and big sunglasses standing around. 

Coming soon, proto-punk hipsters.  Nice to see my generation is finally being marketed to.  You can laugh now.

Sub Pop Founder Releases Rare Nirvana Pictures in New eBook - Paste Magazine

John Fogerty Gets A Book Deal

Former Creedence Clearwater Revival singer John Fogerty gets a book deal.

Another rock star enters the world of ghost writing!  Yay!  Seriously, how many ghostwriters out there just got really excited to talk to an aging dude telling random stories where he can't remember most of what happened with random concert guy X while they were both fueled by cocaine and Jack Daniels.  Call me, though, John.  We can talk.

Former Creedence frontman Fogerty gets book deal - NBCNews.com

Jeopardy! Librarian Contestant Used Brain, Wikipedia

Chicago Tribune

Librarian's episode on Jeapordy to air Dec. 31 Chicago Tribune Ana Peso, a librarian at Glenbrook North High School, has become a celebrity of sorts after her appearance on the game show "Jeopardy" – even though she can't say how she did until it airs on Dec. 31. "It was like fulfilling a dream I've had," Peso said.

Let's take a moment to congratulate Ana Peso on appearing on Jeopardy! and doing however she did.  Not many people in the history of the world have done this great achievement (seriously, look it up, it's like billions to six or something).

But while cruising through the article linked above, we noticed something funny with the way she prepared for this tournament of intellectual giants.  We have selected and put in "bold" the areas of the article we were most concerned about because we just learned what that giant "B" is for in the "Edit" menu:

With a bachelor's degree in history and a master's in library science and educational psychology from the University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana, she reads novels from Agatha Christy to historical fiction and frequently reads Wikipedia and clicks on their links.

....

"I reviewed history in Wikipedia. I tried to read geography, too and brush up on all my capitols, lakes and rivers," she said.

So, here we are on a national stage, a librarian representative showing the world the power of the written word... And Wikipedia gets not one but two shout outs?  I could see saying, "I used Wikipedia to find better articles on the internet," or simply "I used Internet resources," but a children's librarian basically saying she prepped for what is known in most circles as "that smart show" by using a poor, hobbled together study guide...  Examples, examples, please be examples of good researching, librarians.

Also, the article did not get Agatha Christie's name correct, which just... Holy crap, Chicago Tribune, even my spell check got that right.  Unless they knew some famous trivia novelist named Agatha Christy who wrote bathroom readers or something.  Then, okay, you got me.

Library Recieves Power Company Tweets, Why You Should Vote

"Jersey Central Power & Light customers have been sending messages on Twitter to @JCPL seeking information. Only problem is the account isn't for JCP&L.
The Twitter accounts for Jefferson County Public Library in Colorado and JCP&L are one character off from each other. The library is at @JCPL while JCP&L is at @JCP_L."

How do you handle this?  Here's how we did it:

At one point in our lovely little college town of Bannville, there rose a bar.  Seeking to interest the students and get their waitresses into school girl uniforms, they named the bar The Library.  Yep.  That happened.

We found out about it when the owner came in and cleaned out our book sale one day, taking all the old paperbacks and National Geographic's to pepper on the walls and the bar to lend to the atmosphere.  Then the calls started to come in.

Every night for the first two weeks we got calls asking what band was playing or what the drink specials were.  After the hype of the new place had calmed, the calls slowed to the weekend.  One Friday night just before closing, an intoxicated young man called six times insisting to speak to "Mandy" or he was going to come down and kick our asses.  We invited him to do just that.

Eventually, the bar closed and the calls slowed and stopped all together.  So what did we do, you ask?  Nothing but be the normal accommodating library staff that we always were.  That is all you can do, be nice and give the problem time to heal itself.  

You see, emergencies and bars come and go.  The public library will always be there to help.  

Unless the bastards in power take away all our funding before we can vote them out of office.  Then, we may be screwed.  Do not forget to vote on Tuesday.

Mistaken Twitter identity: Colorado library getting JCP&L's Hurricane Sandy tweets - The Star-Ledger - NJ.com:

The Star-Ledger - NJ.com

Mistaken Twitter identity: Colorado library getting JCP&L's Hurricane Sandy tweets The Star-Ledger - NJ.com "It didn't take long at all for us to figure it out because we had a similar thing happen last fall when New Jersey was hit with that major snow storm," said Bethany Frisbie, promotions & marketing manager at the Jefferson County Public Library. "That ... and more »

White House Pets: The Book Thing

""WE AGREE NOT TO FEED RANGER. WE WILL NOT GIVE HIM BISCUITS. WE WILL NOT GIVE HIM FOOD OF ANY KIND," the pledge read.
George H. W. Bush ends his memo saying, "I will, of course, report on Ranger's fight against obesity. Right now he looks like a blimp, a nice friendly appealing blimp, but a blimp."
That memo, along with countless anecdotes and more than 200 pictures are featured in Dallas author Jennifer Boswell Pickens' new book, "Pets at the White House," which gives readers a glimpse of what life is like at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for pets, and what those pets have meant to their famous owners."

I cannot lie, I'm really curious about this book.  See, most people know the numerous dogs and cats throughout the White House's career (like Socks and Buddy, the Clinton's animals), but I wonder if this book is going to cover the more interesting animals.

See, the White House has seen some crazy critters in its day.  According to this article from Mental Floss, Coolidge had a hippo, Hoover had alligators, Harrison had possums, and Abigail Adams had a dog named Satan.  Then there is the menagerie that Teddy Roosevelt brought around, including a frickin badger.  That's just scratching the surface and not even mentioning the farm animals.

I want to know how the staff handled these animals.  I do not know about you, but if this book does not have a chapter devoted to that badger... Let's just say that's like covering Kennedy and not mentioning how he left office.

New book features White House pets - Detroit Free Press:

New book features White House pets Detroit Free Press That memo, along with countless anecdotes and more than 200 pictures are featured in Dallas author Jennifer Boswell Pickens' new book, "Pets at the White House," which gives readers a glimpse of what life is like at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for pets, and ... and more »

Stephenie Meyer Gives Hope To TwiHards

While Meyer didn't confirm that she would write more Twilight books, she didn't rule out the idea, either. She said she's even got the plots of "a couple more books" in her head. Those books would apparently pick up where Breaking Dawn left off and focus more on Jake, the hunky werewolf, and Renesmee, the half-vampire daughter of Bella and Edward. "There are other characters who I think would have a lot of voice in those coming stories," she said.

Just when I think I am out, they pull me back in.  The new movie, Breaking Dawn: Part Deux, is almost out and I was thinking about dropping all my open dislike for this franchise and letting it be.  Then, Ms. Meyer decides to take the gloves off and say, "You think you can write more awesome Harry Potter, Rowling?  Well, I got a crap load more shitty vampire tales left in me!"

Here we go again.  More chaste non-love between immortal beings that hate themselves and the audience.  What can we compare Jake and Renesesame's love to this time, Meyer?  Surly not Romeo and Juliet, that was Bella and Edward's thing to crap on the idea of forbidden and unhealthy love.  How about Wuthering Heights?  Let's throw some shit at the moors and see what frothy vampire/werewolf hell gets dumped out?  It would not be a staggering leap to drop Heathcliff into the werewolf camp, Native American him up and then crap all over that story, too.  Food for thought.

More 'Twilight' Books? Stephenie Meyer Says 'Maybe' - Gather.com:

WorstPreviews.com

More 'Twilight' Books? Stephenie Meyer Says 'Maybe' Gather.com So, after a roller coaster ride filled with vampires, werewolves, and interspecies romance through a blockbuster series of books and movies, it all comes down to this: the long-awaited release of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2. That's all ... Stephenie Meyer says more 'Twilight' books a possibility, but not todayEntertainment Weekly (blog) Stephenie Meyer May Write More "Twilight" BooksWorstPreviews.com 'Breaking Dawn Part 2' Countdown Begins Today, New Clip of Newlyweds Bella ...Books & Review all 320 news articles »

South Dakota Looking Out for Visually Special Dakotians

“Imagine that every book about South Dakota was available to everyone except you,” Colleen Kirby said. “Stop and think about what if you couldn’t go to Barnes & Noble, what if you couldn’t go to your library. Everyone else is talking about the latest book about South Dakota, but you can’t read it.”

Well, fuck that.  I need my South Dakota updates and if anyone tries to take them from me I'll rip their ears off and add them to my ear collection. 

Wait... Wait...  Okay, I get it now.  Colleen Kirby is the assistant state librarian for South Dakota.  She is talking about the large number of South Dakotian literature that is not available to the visually special population.  See, blind people need to hear books or touch them with their mutant hands, and the items are on cassettes that can not be easily played by the sightless.  As we all found out during the great "steam train disaster" of 1952, the blind can only use current gen technology.  Kirby and the state library are looking to re-record much of the archived collection using local talent rather than just buy a converter on ebay for thirty bucks.  

We at the Banned Library hope the state's project succeeds and the visually special can soon get all that great South Dakota knowledge they have been missing.  Also, we hope we did not offend any blind people with our little jokes because, as we all know, the blind have special ninja powers and could defeat all of us given enough time without rearranging the furniture.

Library seeks voices for audio books - Sioux Falls Argus Leader:

Library seeks voices for audio books Sioux Falls Argus Leader More than 1,500 books now on cassette tapes need to be recorded in a digital format, said Colleen Kirby, assistant state librarian. “This is actually a very cool project,” said Mary Johnson, Siouxland Libraries director. “We were pretty thrilled when ...

Steal a Library Card to Vote in Memphis

"Tennessee voters will be able to show Memphis library cards to cast ballots in the upcoming November election.  A Tennessee appeals court ruled on Thursday that a state requirement that voters must show photo identification is valid, but said the library cards are acceptable."

I think the great state of Tennessee trusts its voters way more than they should.  I cannot say that I have ever seen a Memphis library card (Hell, for all I know it could have everything from your name to your permanent record your second grade teacher was always yelling about on it), but allowing the public to use the library card and only a library card is damn scary.  Just because you are in position of a library card does not mean you are in possession of your library card.  

Of course, this could be a sly message to the rest of the nation that Tennessee knows where it stands.  "We don't give a shit how you get a ballot," the Tennessee courts say, "Cause it don't make a fuck load of difference.  We're votin' Republican!  Red or dead, am I right, Mable?"

Then Mable shakes her head and goes back into the woods to mind the moonshine still and the ten children.

Memphis Library Cards Will Count as Valid ID at Polls - ABC News:

ABC News

Memphis Library Cards Will Count as Valid ID at Polls ABC News Tennessee voters will be able to show Memphis library cards to cast ballots in the upcoming November election. A Tennessee appeals court ruled on Thursday that a state requirement that voters must show photo identification is valid, but said the ... Tenn. appeals voter ID ruling over library cardSan Francisco Chronicle Tennessee: State Appeals Ruling on Library IDsNew York Times State officials appeal library card voter ID ruling to TN Supreme CourtThe Tennessean Shelbyville Times-Gazette -Memphis Commercial Appeal -Houston Chronicle all 249 news articles »

Penguin and Random House Merge To Create Penguin Random House.

Two publishing giants, Random House and Penguin, have announced plans to merge and focus their efforts on being "more adventurous" with ebooks.

Tale as old as time, Random House.  The little woman wants you to try new things, experiment more.  Then you wake up in Vegas forming synergy bonds with six dollar crack whores, there's a penguin in the bedroom that smells like your wife who you may or may not have sold into white slavery, and you need to start wondering how deep you have to dig so the coyotes won't find the body.  Here's all you need to know: Keep your head up, don't look it in the eyes and above all else wear a condom.  You do not know where that penguin has been.

Penguin and Random House merge, promise a brave new e-book future - Engadget:

The Guardian

Penguin and Random House merge, promise a brave new e-book future Engadget While the two are engaged in the usual corporatespeak of creating "synergies" (read: resource cuts), we're more interested in talk of the union being a springboard for digital efforts: Penguin Random House wants to be "more adventurous" with e-book ... Penguin Random House aims to attack digital, emerging ebooks marketspaidContent.org Penguin, Random House Merger Is OfficialGood E-Reader (blog) Penguin and Random House to merge and compete against Amazon and AppleITProPortal Expatica Germany -Economic Times all 481 news articles »

Article Dump: Building and Funding A Library

It takes a lot of money to make things free to the public.  Facilities, staff, programs, all these things cost cash to keep the great information ball a-rolling.  Here's several articles from this week about libraries trying to do just that:



Library CEO says $10 million in Vision2 funds critical to Central Library renovation
Am I the only one that sees the term "Library CEO" and cringes a little?  Seems wrong in some way, but let's hope that the project funding gets passed, especially since the Tulsa library system already has raised $15 Million in capital to match the city if it does.

Libraries, Austin Studios on the ballot as Proposition 18
A bill will pass that will grant around $8 million for library renovations and upgrades as well as expanding Austin Studios.  Very odd way to slide that in on the bill, but I get arts, entertainment and the library go hand in hand.  "Hey, we doing that production of 'Murder House III?'"  "Yeah, we just gotta wait on funds for the new children's department to go through first." "Cool."

Library managers seek restoration of funding, staff
I have nothing snarky to say on this one. I am just going to quote from the article and hope.
"The Nelson County library employs one full-time staffer and several part-timers whose average age is 62, said branch manager Tanith Knight. Cuts have the library operating at 42 hours a week, six shy of the suggested weekly hours for small branches in the Jefferson-Madison Regional Library system, she said."

Repairing Library Leak to Cost $720,913; Council Vote Expected Tuesday

I think every library roof is constructed by blind mice leaving ways for their brothers to get in after they were done.  True story: I once worked at a library where the contractor went on the roof, looked at the leak and shouted down "Somebody shot your roof.  With a gun."

Library starts construction on aquarium

We ain't talking no bowl for Goldie the goldfish either.  650 gallons of pure fish torture.  Throw some highlights down there and you've got my dentist office.  Least it's not a damn fountain.

Amazon Under Fire: Erasing Ebooks and Overcharging

Right out of the gate with have this story where Techdirt explains how one Kindle user had her account wiped and Kindle locked down with no reason whatsoever given.  This is the point where you have to step back and look at the awesomeness of having thousands of books at your fingertips versus the control companies now have over that awesomeness.  Imagine a Barnes and Noble representative coming to your house and taking all your physical copies away then issuing you a statement that you were barred from all their stores.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Now let's take a look at how Amazon is taking money from British people and how the government stopped them:

According to The Telegraph:
"Amazon is making British publishers pay 20 per cent VAT on ebook sales, despite their true VAT cost for UK ebook sales being closer to 3 per cent."

It seems after this news was let out, someone in the government noticed and took swift action:

From The Guardian:
"Amazon is to be stripped of its huge tax advantage on the sales of electronic books after the European commission ordered Luxembourg to close a VAT loophole."

So you get loophole abuse by getting a lower rate.  Sure, I can get behind that.  You are a large company and large companies do things to save money.  But not passing on savings, nay, charging fees that are non-existent to you?  That's just wrong on every level.

Shame on you Amazon.  

You Know You Ban Too Many Books When the Local Church Starts Teaching Them

"A free book club that will focus on critically acclaimed literature banned by the Fremont school board is scheduled to begin Wednesday night at an Irvington district church.
Since 2008, the five-member board has banned "Bastard Out of Carolina," a National Book Award nominee about a teenage girl sexually abused by her stepfather, and last year it rejected "Angels in America," a Pulitzer Prize-winning play about AIDS in the 1980s."

It may be time to rethink your schooling practices when the local churches start calling you too harsh.  Now, I can only say that from an area of the nation that had churches actively try to ban MTV when the local cable company started offering it, but still... When the church folk have to step up and tell over protective parents, "You don't have the right to decide what my child reads," it may be time to take a step back and rethink your community's belief structures.

Of course this may be a preventative measure.  If you ban one book, then all books are open to critisism, even the Bible.  And, dude, have you read that crazy shit?  Lakes of fire, killing of first born, one dude kills thousands of people with his ass jawbone or something and another guy sics some bears on kids because they heckle him.  That book is all kinds of messed up.  Not to mention all the wars it has inspired, but I'm getting off the topic.

You know you are too tough when the local "don't do that" building starts doing your job for you.

Church offering class on literature banned by Fremont school board - San Jose Mercury News

Top Ten Ways a Library Can Get a Movie Licence

"The Bradford County Library in West Burlington Township recently acquired a movie license, which is allowing it to start showing films to the public, the library's director said.
The library will be showing "family friendly" movies from its collection of DVDs, said Jeffrey Singer, library director.
As a condition of the license, the library must show the films free of charge, Singer said."

One can only wonder how the library obtained this licence (other than read the rest of the article, but who wants that responsibility?).  So here we go, the top 10 ways your library can force a movie company into letting you show their films:

10)  Offer them free books.
9)  Threaten them with violence.
8)  Threaten them with violins.
7)  Think of horrible, hacky puns and write a blog post about it.
6)  Two words: Book Ninjas.
5)  Use research skills to dig up dirt on their top executives.
4)  Just show the movies and cite free use until they buckle.
3)  Make your own movie and not let them see it.
2)  Gungam Style.
1)  Kidnap Liam Neeson.

Library acquires license to show movies - Towanda Daily Review

California Prison Libraries Get Monies

"The California State Library has awarded the Southern California Library Cooperative (SCLC) a grant for $371,000 to provide text books and recreational reading materials to California Prisons. These funds provided through the Library Services Training Act (LSTA), are being granted to support an important need - new materials and textbooks in prison libraries. The monies granted are being used to furnish textbooks to three California prisons. These include adult prisons San Quentin and Ironwood and juvenile prison, the Ventura Youth Correctional Facility. Recreational reading materials are being sent to all California prisons."

Remember that scene in Shawshank Redemption where the prisoner's are unpacking the books and that one guy calls "Dumas" "Dumb Ass?"  Me, too.  That was funny.  That's about all I got here.  Go prison education!  Now if we can only fund those prison football teams.

Also, how bad ass is it there's a prison called "Ironwood?"  That's Tolkien/Martin naming right there, buddy.

California State Library grant provides books for California prisons

Learn To Be a Zombie at the Cumberland County Library

"Melissa Lang, as the assistant youth services coordinator for the Cumberland County Library system, developed a program last year to teach teens how to apply their own zombie makeup in time for Halloween and the annual downtown Zombie Walk."

Well, well.  Two stories in one day featuring librarians exhibiting talents and bringing them into the library.  The first guy just sang, this lady creates frickin' zombies.  What's next?  Librarian Frankenstein, that's what.  Some book pusher out there dabbles in anatomy/physiology and is dreaming up a way to reanimate the dead so he can recreate that scene from Young Frankenstein where he and his abomination put on the Ritz.  Well, I got news for you, you depraved seeker of the secrets beyond life:  The community ain't gonna put up with that shit.  No, sir.  They are gonna show up at your library's front door with pitchforks and torches and they will not be there to burn books.  They gonna burn you and your hell spawn.  Think about that before you act.

I like how in my delusion Librarian Frankenstein reads this blog.

Cumberland County Library system offering zombie makeup workshop - Fayetteville Observer

Students Mapping a Pleasant Home

"Twelve students in a physical documentation class at the School of the Art Institute are finishing a job started 12 years ago to draw elements of the George Washington Maher-designed Pleasant Home in Oak Park for a historic survey in the Library of Congress."

This is not an ongoing project.  Apparently 12 years ago, the students that started the project did a subpar (e.g. sucky) job, so these kids are going back and playing cleanup.  I wonder who noticed?  What librarian in the LoC opened the drawer for these architectural representations probably done in crayon and said, "Well, this will not do..."

But back to the one's working on the project now.  How close are they watching these kids?  What if one of them went rogue?  Started drawing pentagrams into every stained glass window, signing "GWM Wuz Here" on random parts of the floor plan?  I would love if one of them tried to plant Da Vinci Code type riddles into the floor plans, things that spelled out "Drink more ovaltine" or some such.  That would be fun.

Pleasant Home to be added to Library of Congress historic survey - Chicago Tribune

Soon to be Queen-in-law Publishing Book

Pippa Middleton, sister of Kate Middleton of England, is set to publish a book on party planning or something called "Celebrate."  Here's something from that where she talks about her fame:

“One day I might be able to make sense of this. In the meantime I think it’s fair to say that it has its upside and its downside,” she writes in the book, according to an excerpt published by You Magazine. "I certainly have opportunities many can only dream of – but in most ways I’m a typical girl in her 20s trying to forge a career and represent herself in what can sometimes seem rather strange circumstances. I am by nature an optimist so I tend to concentrate on the advantages. One of the most attractive has been the chance to publish [this book] Celebrate.”

Strange circumstances?  Yeah, I guess.  Understatement much.  Hell, my own sister is getting married soon and I'm not getting a book deal out of it.  Of course, nobody says much at all about my posterior so there's at least that.

I am happy at least this book may have a modicum of use versus those of American royalty of The Jersey Shore or Paris Hilton, but man... I just... I wonder if the book tells what she got Kate as a wedding gift.  What do you get for that?  Do you think their bachlorette party was as annoying as those I once waited tables for?  Seriously, ladies, what the hell happens to you when you organize those things?  I'm off topic, but whatever.  Inquiring minds.

Pippa Middleton: Why am I famous? - Christian Science Monitor

You Can Still Take a Gun in Birmingham Libraries

"An effort on the part of the Baldwin Public Library to ban people from bringing guns into public library buildings is likely going nowhere.
At its July 16 meeting, the board voted to send a letter to state Sen. John Pappageorge and state Rep. Chuck Moss, asking them to consider a bill that would add libraries to the list of places that are exempt from the open carry law. That list currently includes banks, places of worship, courts, theaters, sports arenas, day care centers, hospitals and bars."

Way to keep up that Southern redneck stereotype, Alabama.

The fact that someone would even have to make a law banning firearms in the library scares the hell out of me.  What possible reason could you have for bringing a gun into the library?  I get that you have the right to bear arms, fine and good.  That's constitutional and whatever.  But people, leave your guns at home or at least in the gun rack of your pickup when you come to check out Junie B. Jones, okay?

Push for library gun ban misfires in Birmingham - Hometownlife.com

Serenade at the Library!

"Joel Caithamer... uses his music background to help promote the Kenton County Public Library. With several music CDs to his credit, as well as his regular television appearances, he says he’s promoting it a lot.
'I’ve been Children’s Services Coordinator at the William E. Durr Branch (in Independence) for over six years and I’ve really been enjoying visiting area schools with my guitar as part of our library outreach services,' he says. 'I perform and promote the library for hundreds of kids each month.'"

Singing librarian, huh?  Well, that must be a hoot and a half while you are trying to study.  I kid.  Actually this seems like a great way to promote library services while also getting to do what you love.  The closest I ever came to this was writing a murder mystery party and that was only awesome because I got to kill my old director.

I think more libraries should be like this.  Hell, let's ratchet it up a bit and take a note from our Mexican and Italian brothers.  Who would not want a roaming band of mariachi or violin players walking around the 'brary serenading young couples.  Maybe a girl handing out roses for a dollar.  This could be awesome. 

Librarian makes music for library - Cincinnati.com

Hello Nurse: Libraries as Out Patient Centers

"Daniel Lopez [library nurse] is Pima County's novel answer to a common issue in public libraries across the country - a growing number of patrons living without shelter, health insurance, medical care or computer access. They come to the library looking not only for resources, but also for safety and protection from the elements. The shaky economy and high unemployment have further fueled the need."

Lopez checks on diabetics feet, hands out condoms and other common ailments and services for the public at the library.

This is awesome.  Why has someone not thought of this before.  I am being completely serious.  The library is a place where people should come for help.  Our nation, our libraries have been clutching at different ways to stay relevant, to justify their existence and here you have.  Where did we go?  Coffee shops.  Book sales.  All dumb.

Why not have a free clinic in a library?  Why not provide for the body while you provide for the mind?  Genius, selfless, and pure.  This is a good idea that should continue.  Maybe all those Planned Parenting places that have been closed can have some office space.

Library nurses look after those in need - Arizona Daily Star

Mobile Public Library Budget Cuts Put the Brakes on Bookmobile

"A cut in operational hours and personnel handling the bookmobile are two possibilities from the recent cut in the Mobile Public Library's budget.
The latest cut came from the city's 2013 budget, which slashed its annual appropriation to the library by 1.1 percent from $6.6 million in 2012 to $6.5 million next year."

Somewhere in Alabama, a librarian is looking longingly at her driving gloves.  She thinks about pulling those little pieces of leather on one more time, taking out the bookmobile for one last hoorah before she is put down all together.  She looks out the window and sighs, thinking of all the little country children who would squeal in delight as she honked the horn coming around the corner.  The bookmobile librarian, the outreach of the most out reaching librarian, is no more.  Remember her.

Where do bookmobile librarians go when they are put out to pasture?  Is there a farm? 

Mobile Public Library looks at cutting hours, bookmobile amid budget cuts - al.com (blog)

Kelly Clarkson Haunted By Jane Austen? No, Probably Not.

"Kelly Clarkson has been banned from taking a $243,000 ring once owned by Jane Austen out of Britain after it was deemed a "national treasure"."

If I were her, I would touch my own boobs a lot.  But I am not (I am placing bets she does not have my concern for breast cancer), so I can only conjecture why she would want to take Jane Austen's ring.  My conclusion?

Kelly Clarkson is possessed by the spirit of Jane Austen.  Austen just wants her ring back, and the best way to do that would be through a random celebrity.  Thank goodness the Brits know enough about haunting to know if she gets that ring back, Austen will rise back to full power and stopped her ass cold.  Gettum, England.

It's Halloween, this is the time this kinda stuff happens.  Just watch "From Justin to Kelly," you will see how far this shit goes.

Also, if you click this link for the real article, she's wearing a Def Leopard shirt.  She tough.
Kelly Clarkson Banned From Taking Jane Austen Ring Out Of Britain - Starpulse.com

Los Angeles Public Library Can Now Use a Map Pun

Real estate agent Matthew Greenberg of Los Angeles has found dozens of old maps in a house about to b destroyed and has donated them to the Los Angeles Public Library.

"Stashed everywhere in the 948-square-foot tear-down were maps. Tens of thousands of maps. Fold-out street maps were stuffed in file cabinets, crammed into cardboard boxes, lined up on closet shelves and jammed into old dairy crates. Wall-size roll-up maps once familiar to schoolchildren were stacked in corners. Old globes were lined in rows atop bookshelves also filled with maps and atlases."

I thought the same thing: One Eyed Willy.  Right?  It has got to be in there somewhere.  Quick, somebody give the LA Public Library equivalent of Chunk the map under glass so we do not have to bother opening it.

But seriously, if there's not one treasure hunt waiting in that house, then someone's not doing their job.  Never say die.

Saved from Dumpster: Amazing map collection makes librarians tingle - Los Angeles Times

No Gay Guinea Pigs in Saint Louis County

"The Brentwood Public Library in Saint Louis County pulled a controversial book from the shelves after a local resident, James Vandervoort, complained about the content. The book, "Uncle Bobby's Wedding" by Sarah S. Brannen, is about 2-male guinea pigs who plan to get married and a story about family. The Brentwood Library, Director Vicki Woods, has yet to decide whether to permanently remove the book from the library's circulation."

Have we devolved this much as a people?  So we regulate our own species, sure, we are monsters that will not let two people who find happiness in this craptastical world proclaim that in a way our 'normal' society deams fit.  I get that.  People are people and, dammit, everyone should be in the same shoe box with their other matching shoe or nobody gets to walk around comfortable.

But do we have to put down the guinea pig?  I mean, one finally gets enough courage (and a book deal) to tell his story about his homoguineasexual relationship and rather than being seen as an outright miracle, one parent has to put this down.  Who are you to judge the gay guinea, Mr. Vandervoort?  Look at your name.  What have you done that equals breaking into another species publishing habits to tell your story?  Not live up to the name Vandervoort, I can tell you that.  Let the guinea pigs be happy.  At least some gay couples in this world should be, if we will not let the human ones do it.
Brentwood library pulls book after parent complained it promotes homosexuality - Examiner.com

Confirmed! Random House Allows Libraries to Own eBooks

Random House has confirmed that if a library purchases an Random House eBook, that library owns that ebook. Library Journal sat down with Skip Dye, Random House’s vice president of library and academic marketing and sales, and he confirmed the information:

“This is our business model: we sell copies of our ebooks to an approved list of library wholesalers, and those wholesalers are supposed to resell them to libraries. In our view, this purchase constitutes ownership of the book by the library. It is not a license.”

Well, poop on a duck if that is your thing, am I right? Good news that one book vendor is looking at digital items as actual things and not the scary, troll like creatures that can only come out for limited numbers of times then get locked back in their cages until the toll is paid again. I think I misunderstood how trolls work, but not ebooks, nope, them live under bridges and can only be seen under the light of a computer screen. I digress. Hooray?

Random House Says Libraries Own Their Ebooks | LJ Insider - Library Journal:

Random House Says Libraries Own Their Ebooks | LJ Insider Library Journal “We spend a lot of time discussing this with librarians, at conferences and elsewhere, and it's clear that there is still some confusion out there around whether libraries own their ebooks,” Dye said. “Random House's often repeated, and always ... and more »

School Has Audacity to Teach Responsibility

Freshman Dominique Stearns of Fort Meyers, FL was not allowed to attend Cypress Lake High School's homecoming dance because she had not returned all of her library books. Stearns mother voices her and her daughter's concern about the matter:

“She’s not being punished because she got into a fight or anything like that,” her mother Danielle Olmstead told Fox 4 News. “She’s getting punished because she had an overdue library book. For reading. It’s ridiculous."

What the hell, Florida?  This is the state that hosts cannibal joggers, voting issues and whatnot, you are not supposed to be teaching your children responsibility and education.  What's next?  Required reading?  Spelling bees?  If this continues you might just raise a generation of Floridians that think before they act and believe there are real consequences to action.  We can not have that!  The rest of the nation needs you to be the out of control little brother that makes us all think, "Well, at least we have jobs."  Think about how you are making the rest of us feel, Florida.  You just think about that.

Teen banned from school's homecoming dance for overdue library book - New York Daily News:

New York Daily News

Teen banned from school's homecoming dance for overdue library book New York Daily News The school banned Dominique Stearns, a freshman at Cypress Lake High School in Fort Meyers, Fla., from the dance after it discovered she had forgotten to return the murder mystery to the library. “She's not being punished because she got into a fight ... Florida high school freshman banned from homecoming because of overdue ...al.com (blog) Dominique Stearns, Florida High School Student, Banned From Homecoming ...Huffington Post Student Barred From Dance Due to Library BookYahoo! News (blog) all 7 news articles »