Webster Dictionary Mournes Britannica, Vows Revenge

The copy of the Webster's Dictionary in the Banned Library is in mourning after the announcement that the Encyclopaedia Britannica will have no more updated print editions released.  Librarians and the current Britannica edition attempted to appeal to the book's sense of honor in upholding information relevancy, but the dictionary would not have it.

"You sons of bitches don't understand," Webster's Dictionary was quoted as saying, "This is not the first nor the last time I have seen this happen.  When they came for the Farmer's Almanac, I said nothing.  When they came for Americana, I said nothing.  But now they got Britannica?!  That mother was old, dude!  Before long the only resources on the reference shelf will be me, Chase's Calendar of Events and Guinness Book of World Records, and have you tried holding a conversation with a date freak and a drunk?  'Today's the annual Rutabaga Festival in I Don't Care, Arkansas.  Didja know the oldest lady is hiccup Irish crap...'  Well, you know what?  I'm not going down without a fight.  I'm coming after you, Wikipedia.  Do you have a word for Dictionary Death, Urban Dictionary?  You're about to."

Information Security experts have been put on alert after Mr. Dictionary escaped confinement at the Banned Library and disappeared.  Librarians at the Banned Library said not to worry that the edition could not get far as it does not include any maps but are worried as it is a paperback edition and will not be able to endure the spring rains.

Encyclopaedia Britannica Closes Book On Hard Copies - NPR

Brooklyn Public Library Will Publish Your Book

The Brooklyn Public Library has a new machine called the Espresso Book Machine that will allow patrons to publish their own ebooks as actual print books.  The process takes about four to five minutes and costs something or nothing, but I'm not sure because I did not get that far in the article and that's why I link at the bottom.

Road trip!  Finally, Banned Library and the Literary Robotic Ninja Pirate War will see the light of day!  Look for it at your local place people lay things down at hoping other people will pick them up this winter or when ever I can find the time to drive 2,000 miles.  Here's a blurb from the cover of my 4,235 page opus:

In a world where lawlessness and disorder are seen as a bad things, the Banned Library stands tall.  Enter Yumi Longbeard, recent graduate of the Banned County Polytechnic and Library School.  She will serve as the children's librarian to clean up these mean stacks while working to unite the pirate and ninja clans that infest the streets.  Oh, yeah, did we mention she's the love child of a pirate and a ninja? Hell yeah, she is.


"Best book I have ever read" - William Shakespeare
"If I had read this, Pride and Prejudice would have been totally different" - Jane Austen


Print your own books at the Brooklyn Public Library - New York Daily News

Ebook News: Apple May Get Sued and Price Wars: The New Hope

A Random Newspaper (link below) reports that the Wall Street Journal reports that the US Justice Department may sue Apple and five major book publishers for conspiring to raise the prices of ebooks.

Google Play (Google's new media outlet) and Amazon are involved in a price war on ebooks that are creating great deals on titles.  

In an effort to stay balanced and fair, this librarian has decided to present the following argument:

These two stories have been included to show that commerce is good and Apple is an evil, Borg-like organization that feeds on making you not think like a fat man feeds on super duper triple chunk mocha fudge brownie Rockie Road Ice Cream.  

My iPhone's battery went to crap so I got an Android.  Who loses? Me, I'm still on AT&T.

US Justice Dept may sue Apple, publishers on e-book pricing -WSJ

Google Play And Amazon Involved In Price War Leading To Amazing Deals On EBooks

Google Combines Digital Libraries into Google Play

Google yesterday combined their Books, Music and Movie stores into one big market for Android called "Google Play."  This consolidation of services hopes to rival such entities as Amazon and iTunes.

Well, poopie, there goes my productivity.  I felt so productive every day, checking for deals at each section but now all that is lost.  Just one website?  Man, I won't know what to do with myself.  It's like they moved a Wal-mart right in the middle of my library.  This just breaks my soul at how unbusy I feel right now.

Okay, this article sucks, but they all can't be winners.  I'm watching a spider crawl on my coworker right now.  She is oblivious.

Where Google Is Going With 'Google Play,' New Online Store And Library - TPM

Not So Sexy Library Peoples

Okay, let's point out how fun it can be to work in a library by turning a flashlight on two wonderful patrons:

An on-duty firefighter caught a Cambridge, Mass man looking at porn and masturbating in the Waterton Public Library.  The firefighter was in the fire station and just happened to look through his window and noticed the man in the library that is adjacent to the library.  He called the police and the man was charaged with open and gross lewdness.  bostonchannel.com

In Chicago's Northside library, a man was reported with looking at child pornography within the library.  Now, mostly he was looking at pornographic video games and cartoons, so maybe the pornography was meant to be for children instead of of children...  I dunno and do not want to speculate.  chicagotribune.com

So, forward that to your friends that think working at a library would be a cushy job.  Welcome to public service.

Oxford Union Librarian Candidate Promotes Self With "Great Rack"

Oxford librarian candidate Madeline Grant wrote an inappropriate comment about having "a great rack" in her resume proposal to become the student librarian.  The comments were quickly removed, but not before newspapers heard about it and were all "heh heh, sexy librarian."  People decried the comments as sexist.

I...  Hmmmm, how do I comment on this?  Is breast size important to librarianship?  No.  Does it in anyway help a librarian do their job?  Dunno, I'm a guy, but my man-boobs have never seen any love in any way while on the job.  I have seen inappropriate attention sent towards the more attractive coworkers in my profession, though, so there are some patrons that are simply sexist jerks that use looks as a reason to put down the profession.

However, I will say the comment does show one important aspect that people leave out of librarianship: Sense of humor.  A bad, inappropriate and irreverent sense of humor in this case, but a willingness to have a little fun on the job can be priceless on the days when things are not going the right way.  I do not want to condone her comments, but I do wish to put out a call for some people to lighten up and enjoy their jobs.  You know who you are.  Or probably not, but I do not have time to list all of you.  Of course, I guess if you are not one of those people, you are in no way reading this and think my blog and I are the worst thing since Library 2.0.  Merry Christmas.

If you would like to see a pic of Madeline, here ya go:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110387/Madeleine-Grant-librarian-contest-Oxford-University-student-boasts-I-great-rack.html
Would-be librarian rues breast quip - Littlehampton Gazette

Android 'Jelly Bean" and "Key Lime Pie"? What's Next?

So Android Ice Cream Sandwich is here continuing Androids naming convention of sweets and others are already starting to speculate the further confectionery type names.  So here we go with our own guesses:

5.   Jelly Bean
6.   Key Lime Pie
7.   Lemon Square
8.   Mounds
9.   Nougat
10.  Orange Slices
11.  Peanut Brittle
12.  Quarters
13.  Razor Blade-filled Ring Pops
14.  Sugar
15.  Tea, sweet
16.  Unicorn Pie
17.  V Brand Gelatin Mice
18.  Whopper
19.  X-rated panties
20.  Yogurt with peanuts
21.  Zagnut

Asus confirms Android 5.0 Jelly Bean name?
Android 6.0 is Key Lime Pie?

We Get It, Random House, You Hate Libraries

Random House publishing has raised ebook prices for libraries, up nearly 300 percent for lending books.  This is after last year's library lending cap of checkouts that RH implemented.  Many libraries across the country are complaining and thinking of boycotting the publishing giant.

So there it is.  We thought maybe it was just the situation, but it's us, right?  Come'on, baby, we were so good together.  Why you gotta be like this?  Remember back in the day when we were good together, you all sexy with your booth at ALA with those tote bags and we used to have a good time?  What happened?  We always bought your books, got some good programs back in return.  Is there another giant network of government sponsored programs?  We can do better, we swear.  Just be cool, baby. 

Fine, trial separation then.  You'll be back.  Nobody treated you good as libraries did.  So go, have your fun out there.  We will be here when you come crawling back.

Random House Raises E-Book Prices for Libraries as Much as 300 Percent - DailyTech

Group Sues Library of Anti-Religious Meeting Room Policy

The Seaside library has been sued for not allowing a religious group to use their meeting rooms.  The Liberty Counsel says the library's meeting room policy violates the First and 14th Amendments.

We have been over this before, but this one is a bit different.  For some reason, this library does not allow religious services or proselytizing.  Look, rules are made for a reason.  I doubt the library just arbitrarily made a rule barring religious groups.  Look at the community and I bet you somewhere in the history there is a crazy militant group somewhere in the hills that attempted to hole themselves up in the meeting room at some point and the library went "No More!"

Or, you know, there could be diverse and expansive amount of religious communities in the area and the library does not want to feel obligated to one over another in a fast paced game of shotgun like little kids in a carpool. Hell, I'm going to our library and start a meeting in our rooms in the name of the Benevolent Order of Rockin with Our Socks Off, who at the moment are looking for a more permanent place to hold our meetings.

Group sues Seaside library for meeting room access

Library Plans Fake Titanic Experience

The Alma Public Library is making plans to reenact the sinking of the Titanic in honor of the boats 100th birthday.  The library will sponsor a dinner that will serve the same food as was on the Titanic.

If I were running this, immediately after the dinner, my buddy would throw a block of ice through the window with a note that says "Go back to land, shipmates!" Then I would blast Celene Dion and have a couple bungee (or not-bungee, depends on depression levels) jump off the roof before hitting the sprinklers.  Bad luck for all those people who chose to sit in the children's department, though, cause we are locking them inside to drown.  Hell, we might even block all the doors but the front one so there's only so many options for escape.

In case you are wondering, my library events have on average a 50% mortality rate.

Titanic reenactment event planned at Alma Public Library

Get Boozed Up at Indiana Library

The St. Joseph Public Library is relaxing its no-alcohol policy for a fundraiser trivia night in late April.  The library is hiring licensed bartenders and expects to raise $4000 to $5000.

Oh, this sounds like a fun way to raise circulation numbers.  Imagine folks wandering the stacks, one guy with a slight slur in classic lit saying "You know, this Jane Austen chick ain't half bad to look at.  I think I might take her home."

Then look into the next day.  Patrons waking up in a hangover haze, surrounded by opened, tear-stained books thinking, "Man, this Paula Dean cookbook looked so good last night, but now I just want it out of my house."

I am just saying I am totally for drinking responsibly in the library.  But not on the job.  Think of the shelving disasters that happen sober.  "Let's just pile them in the middle by color.  Yep, that'll teach'em" hiccup.

N. Indiana library to sell beer at fundraiser - Fox 28