AT&T Will Save You From Too Much Internetz

When AT&T eliminated their unlimited data plan last year, we all knew that was all they were gonna do and just build their awesome network.  Right?  Nope.  Now they have announced they will begin throttling back the usage of heavy data users.  No cap has been set, but they have said they will warn you when they do it.  Plus, it'll only be for the month you do it in!

Aw, ain't that so nice of them.  I mean, it's not like its a punishment for holding on to a phone I really like just to keep a plan that makes sense because I am constantly using my phone in my everyday life.  I mean, I know that pushing emails from my small business server while I run around trying to drum up business in this weak economy is taxing AT&T's network, but I don't care because I am just a child that needs to be slapped on the hand for using a service I pay for.

I'm a jerk.

http://www.mobileburn.com/news.jsp?Id=16027

Library 2.0, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Facespace+

Several years ago, the library community was all abuzz with Library 2.0.  This new phase of Internet connectivity was supposed to put patrons in touch with the library in new and exciting ways through social networking, wikis, blogs, etc.  Has this really happened?  Some say yes, some say that Library 2.0 is a silly name.  I mean, com'on, the history of libraries is way past version 2.0.  If you want to put it in "computer" terms, most libraries are at least around the 6.0 mark or even ready for a new name all together, like "Library 2011: Home Edition."  Anyway, social networks are a part of libraries now, expanding our service in new and interesting ways.

Your mission as an information professional, should you choose to accept it, will be to infiltrate the social network community.  From there, you will do what you can to bring down the Internet.

Stage 1.  Connect with Patrons
The first thing you must do is make contact with the people and bring them to your library's side.  Give exclusive information and deals through the social networks, such as a free book sale book if the patron posts on the site or special events only listed on the website.  However you choose to include the patrons, the outcome must be the same:  as many followers as possible.  The name of the game is rich content, as often as possible.  Give them book reviews with pictures, pictures from events, pictures from around the library.  Are you seeing a trend?  Nothing too wordy.  If at all possible make it flash and contain the word "FREE" just as I have.

Swallow your soul!

Stage 2.  Connect with Other Libraries
Now that you have your local interests taken care of (and the numbers of people to justify the actions), begin connecting to other like-minded institutions in your area and beyond.  This will help in two ways: 1) This is a great way to learn about how other systems are connecting to their patrons and get tips on the subject. 2) This is an excellent way to coordinate when the time to strike is right.  When is the right time, you ask?  Well, you won't know unless you are sharing, will you? 

Too late.

Stage 3.  Connect the Community
Now that you have the community's trust, it is time to begin connecting the community.  Forming bonds.  Tying them together into an inescapable web of intrigue and desire, like a bowling team with matching shirts.  You have given them much, and while they will always crave more you can spoon feed them content to their hearts content.  Share information with your fellow libraries to branch the community.  Encourage them to comment, give incentives for them to do so.  Raffles help.  Stay up to date with your horde until they cannot live without you.  Laugh at their jokes.

Not too much.  At least he's not peeing.

Stage 4.  Collect Blackmail Information
You have your patrons, you have your libraries, you have your community.  Now is the time to invest in the community at large.  Both online and offline, start spamming interested parties with information.  When they become complacent with all the information you are giving them, put out a simple survey.  This survey will comprise of normal data (age, gender, etc.) but will also include abnormal data (favorite taco toppings, top 50 ways to leave a lover, etc.).  They trust you now, the library, to give you the information you require.  Keep this data, along with any DNA from the surveys they fill out, in little baggies in the back room you will label "maintenance."  If you did online surveys, include some code to collect their internet histories that you will also collect on a server in the "maintenance room."  Wait.

It is handy to have the right font.

Stage 5.  Spread Misinformation
As the library cog in the middle of their social networking wheel, you begin to slowly break them down.  "Eliza won today's prize.  Isn't she awesome!" "Yes, [that book] was interesting, but [this book] is better."  Break down their spirit by making the jealous of each other.  Competition breeds the strong, weeds out the weak.  For our army we want only the most dedicated followers.  Point out the weak when you can, the ones that do not come to story time, the one's who make bad comments to your suspect recommendations.  Form your Library 2.0 army into a snarky, hate-filled snake that will just as soon eat its own tail as strike out at another website.  If anyone steps out of line, look back to your surveys and remind them about the party at the Dansbury's.  That'll shut'em up.  You are ready to begin.

Yes, Excellent...

Stage 6.  Attack the Internet From Within
Send your minion followers out to do your bidding.  Begin small; petitions to keep libraries open and other socially conscious behaviors.  Continue to wield your mighty internet blade, slashing out at various local news organizations, book review websites and bloggers until they have no choice but to perish or join. Finally go after the beast itself.  Claim content infringement.  Claim that the social network of choice is not allowing for privacy, for anonymity, or simply that the service is a poopyhead.  However you decide, remember that the power of the unknowing sheep is yours.  Use it wisely or have it used against you.  Once you have the social network you have the world wide web.

Well, not the whole world.  These people scare me.

Banned Books Week Youtube'in It!

The American Library Association has announced that this year's Banned Books Week will include interactive elements.  So far, the ALA has announced a Youtube channel that will allow people to upload 2 minute video readings/presentations of banned books or 3 minute videos of personal stories about defending a banned book.

Aw, yeah! Time to get my Flipcam on!  My video will be a presentation of the Debbie Does Dallas... Again script done in traditional kabuki theater.  Yep, they banned that script in my elementary school's library.  I could not believe it either.  And after grandma took so much time considering just which one of her many, many scripts to donate.

[ALA Banned Books Week] via [americanlibraries]

Apple Overlords Change App Policy, Kill In-App Bookstores

What do Google Books, Amazon Kindle and other eBook services have in common?  They have all been affected by Apple's policy about in-app stores.  Apple states that all apps have to be directed through their marketplace, taking a hefty 30% of anything sold.  The above apps (and many more) have been updated, removing consumer options and strengthening my happiness that I finally moved on to the Android system.

[Zdnet]

NYPL Is Giving the Place Away! To Children!

The New York Public Library will offer amnesty to the 143,000 children who are currently unable to check out items due to excessive fines.  The program, which started July 25 and will continue until September 9, also includes a way for minors to read down their fines at a rate of $1 for every 15 minutes.

Good job, NYPL (if that is your real name).  Trade education and reader appreciation over economy and money.  Back in my day we squeezed those twerps for all they were worth.  We bartered, too.  If a kid brought in a lump of coal, then we took a penny off his fine.  If he brought in a penny, we took the penny as a donation and charged him twice as much.  I remember making a small child cry when we took his mother into servitude after he was late with a Thomas the Tank Engine book.  And we took his tears, too. She checked out well, as I remember.

That's not all, we didn't take no disrespect of library property.  If he tried to get on one of our steam-powered computators, we slapped him in the gob cause those are only for those who read pornography like Raymond Chandler.  If he sat and read a book in our library, we kicked him out cause there's no loitering in our library!

[Rueters]
NYPL Read down

Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation Toilet Research

I can't believe there's nothing better to talk about.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will give over $40 million to research a better toilet for the world use.  Dirty water and improper sanitation are among the world's leaders in death and the Gate's believe that by giving the world a place to poop millions could be saved. [mashable]

I don't want to be harsh... But isn't "Don't shit where you eat" pretty Darwinian at this point?  The strong survive the nasty water while the weak perish?  And even if you save those would have died young, aren't you just then putting pressure on a society that can't get good drinking water to feed more people?  I don't wanna nerd out too much, but isn't this why Starfleet has the prime directive, "Do not interfere with the internal advancement of a civilization"?

I'm bumming myself out.

I think, and this is just from my experience working with the public, Gates money should go toward a better condom.  Or reliable food.  Or better irrigation.  For all I know, they may be doing all that too.  Check out the video and a sketch after the jump.

In a remote village in the desert of someplace.

Foundation Dude: 

Well, this place sucks.  No food, no good water, the land is virtually unusable... 

Native Dude: 

Yeah, but hey, it's not like there's anything better out there.

FD: 

Um, yeah... Hey, you want a toilet?

ND: 

A whoosit?

FD: 

A bowl to crap in.

ND:  

Sure. What do we do when it's full?

FD:  

I dunno... Get a new one?

ND: 

How about a bowl of food instead?  Some medicine?

FD:  

I think somebody else is on that stuff.  So, free crapper?

ND:  

I guess.  Can I have your shoes, too?

FD: 

Um... No.

Scene

7 Reasons Porn Should Be Allowed in the Library

Some unholy, disturbing things happen right in the public view.  I am not talking about beatings, murders, rapes, and riots either.  I am talking about the silent oddities and eccentricities that set off the Somebody Else's Problem Drive in our brains and allow us to turn away unscathed.  Two elderly pimps on a tandem bicycle, a man with a snake weaved into his weave, cats dressed as people, it never ends but it is part of everyday life.  Even in the smallest of towns there is always someone a little "touched in the head," as my grandmother used to say.  How come consensual sex is not part of this list (outside of New Orleans)?

Everybody does it.  It is literally why we are all here.  And like everything, some individuals fetishize it.  Some abuse it.  Some downright worship it.  Is this because it is still a taboo topic in modern society?  Is it because there are still laws on the books about "irregular" sex such as sodomy, oral and, well anything except the puritanical makin'-baby lovin' of the missionary position?  Are we backwards or is the system backwards or are we backwards because of the system?  I am not here to answer any of those questions.  I am here because of a debate that is now on simmer but could boil over at anytime: porn in the library.

Earlier this week, a lawsuit was filed against the Birmingham Public Library by one of its library assistants.  In the suit, the worker claims that administrators allegedly did nothing to stop the use of pornographic images and video on library computers by patrons.  I suppose displaying such material is against library policy and even state law.  This comes on the heels of the New York library allowing porn to be looked up on its own computers.  These are not isolated incidents, just a way of life in the world of public information.  Should we regulate what information people have access to, or just patron behavior as they access it?  I have "reported" on this kind of stuff before, but now I feel it is time to play devil's advocate.

What is the upside of porn in the library?  Well, I thought of seven reasons.  Check them out after the jump.

1.  1st Amendment

Allowing "Fixing the Cable" everywhere

Information should be free.  That is not just a chant for hackers and those weirdos online that like to download every season of "My Little Pony."  If information is freely spoken, then that information should be freely obtainable within copyright law.  Some will argue art and entertainment, vital news vs fluff news, but when it all comes down to it, it is information freely spoken.  Ideas, beliefs, man on woman on man on donkey action, whatever, are information that can be freely found online.  Denying information is wrong and is censorship, pure and simple.  This should not be "American," this should be a global truth.

2.  Identify the Creeps

Exhibit A.

What can a privacy screen show that a middle-aged man in sweatpants hanging around the children's department at noon not tell you?  Not much.  But all the weirdos do not look like Lester the Molester.  Some have ties, slacks, and a basic knowledge of hygiene.  If staff see pornography being viewed in a public library, they can file those people away in their brains.  The "normal" people can be silently filed away as potential problems simply by what they are viewing.  Remember, this is a public library.  What you are doing is not private and will allow others to make judgement on you.

3.  More Tame than Literature (and Better than Twilight)

For Kids!

Ever heard of an author named Zane?  This author makes Cinemax blush.  They are also fairly well written books that never fail to entertain.  I am only singling out her because she is one of many erotic authors that is present on library shelves across the nation.  Erotic, violent, and subversive fiction and nonfiction populate the shelves and are heavily checked out.  Even the Twilight series, a series for young adults, fetishizes lust and carnal desire in the absence of common interests and conversation.  One could argue that by reading these scenes and causing your own mind to come up with the emotions and visuals could be more damaging and changing than the dirtiest porn or the most violent video game.  I know several books that changed my life by introducing themes and emotions I would not otherwise had access to, let alone a quasi dialog with.  I love video games, but I really cannot think of one that caused that in me.  And as far as porn goes, it does not hide what it is.  Like Animal Planet, porn on the internet is often a documentary of two or more animals going at it with little story or need for investment by the viewer.

4.  Allow Staff to Concentrate on More Pressing Problems
Budget problems, patron disputes, lost materials, these are library problems.  Worrying about what people are accessing on the internet should not be.  If someone is reading a book, I do not care why.  I should not care why another person is online.  As I librarian, I have other concerns.  Will we be staffed tomorrow?  Is the HVAC system working in the middle of summer?  Are all the computers running correctly?  Do we have enough change in the money drawers?  Will the summer reading program be done before the book club gets here because we read the killer clown book this month and those old ladies can not take the shock?  If I know Lester the Molester is safe at a computer terminal, then that is one problem off my book for the day.  Every little bit helps.

5.  Healthy Alternative to Animal Mating Videos

Rule 34: Slash Fic for all occations

Imagine if you will, a normal library day.  A cry of a baby from the children's department.  A cough from the silent reading room.  The reek-reek-reek of receipt printers.  Then one of the staff calls me over to the computer lab.  A teenager, fourteen or so, has been causing problems in the lab.  Not loud.  Not talking back.  His parent signed the access form, so he is there with no recourse.  Nope, it was because he was viewing horses doin' it.  And doin' it well.  And urinating.  And a myriad of other acts that I did not know horses could do.  No people, because YouTube will not allow that.  Just horses.  Here's a link, spoilers: horses doin' it.  No choice but to let him continue because, well, that is not covered in the "doin' it" policy or the state indecency laws.  We all get curious when we are young, but come on.  Please do not let this be your child.  Porn is not that bad.

6.  Won't Have to Replace the Art and Exercise Materials So Often

National Pornographic

Walk into the public restroom or all the way in the back to that lonely quiet corner of the library.  What will you find there?  The Joy of Sex, Shape Magazine, and The Art of Drawing.  Like the National Geographic before them, these books and their ilk show boobies.  Those boobies make them a target for stealing, not returning, and hiding in the dark recesses of the library, so much so that some libraries make them request items.  If porn was freely available on the library computers, no one would even think of actually looking for the stuff.  Just Google it, am I right?

7.  WiFi Already Lost Us The Control
Look around your library.  How many smartphones, laptops, tablets and video game systems can you count?  I carry at least four WiFi-enabled, internet capable devices on me just cause that's what I have.  Our library's WiFi, like most libraries, requires no key to gain access to it.  Hell, even outside of libraries there are at least 10 WiFi spots within a two minute drive, and we are not even that big a city.  Now think about all that access, free and relatively unfiltered.  Someone is already used and/or using your library for porn.  Not just the bikini pics of girls in Cosmo, either, real-funky-cold-Medina porn.  So, sorry to tell you, libraries are already allowing access.  Even the most advanced filter can not catch everything.  It is okay if you do not see it, though, right?

Have something to say? Leave a comment or email at evan@bannedlibrary.com

Harry Potter eBooks Pick Google over Amazon

Google Books has confirmed that they will be an ebook hub for the Harry Potter books through the Harry Potter reading website Pottermore.  Customers will be able to buy copies of the ebooks and then read them on any Google Book device, such as the Nook, Story HD and the Google Book internet platform.  This is big news for the search engine giant as it gives them a major lead over their competition, including Amazon.

Oooo, Amazon got burned!  They were all like, "J.K. Rowling, let's light the eliterary world on fire with your $15 billion dollar empire.  Light it with a Kindle." And J.K. was all, "Eh, you sell weird stuff and are all groady and old.  I like Google now.  He's hot and has a big search engine and is all about not being evil." And Amazon was like, "Rowling, why are you doing this to me! You are tearing me apart!"  And then Amazon shot itself and a kid o.d.'d or something.

[ZDNet]

Swift Action by Georgia Police Takes Down Lemonade Stand

Dramatic Reenactment

A sunny day in the deep south town of Midway, GA.  Heat rises off the pavement.  The humidity makes walking akin to swimming.  Enter the criminals and a new street drug to prey on the weakness that such a boil brings.

Officers located three deviants setting up an illegal sidewalk speakeasy of the drug locally known as "lemonade."  After asking for their business  and food licences, the boys in blue forced the scum of society to take their yellow poison elsewhere despite pleas that they were just raising money for the a trip to the"water park" an obvious code word for "black tar heroin den."  As the criminals were minors and the drug itself is so new it is still under investigation by the FDA, they were released and their wares confiscated by officers.

"Lemonade" is a dangerous new chemical that leaves the drinker with a puckered yet satisfying taste in the mouth and a lessening of thirst.  Derived from average lemons, the secrets of its manufacture are hidden by higher up criminals called "grandmas."  Sold from locations known as "stands" by child labor, the drug can be found in every community.  Even police are baffled at this new street drug:

"Midway Police Chief Kelly Morningstar says police also didn't know how the lemonade was made, who made it or what was in it."  [Associated Press via USAToday]

While no one has yet died from overdosing on "lemonade" in its processed, concentrated "frozen" form it can cause the debilitating effect known in the medical community as "brain freeze."

Google Plus: Kicked the Shat Out, Anonymous, and Total Sausage Fest

Well, for all of those of on the outside looking in, Google Plus is becoming sort of a Studio 54 with invites as the red velvet rope.  So as I learn news I cannot help but share.  Here we go:

William Shatner was blocked for a bit.  For reasons not disclosed, The Shat's personal Google Plus account was put on hold.  The actor went to Twitter to air his displeasure but was soon put back up.  [Today]

Hacker group Anonymous was blocked also by the social network.  The group decided, "eh, we know some computing" and decided to put up their own social network. [MSNBC]

Google Plus is a total sausage fest.  Statistics from two analytical sites have shown that 73% of current Google Plus users are dudes.  While this does show a total lack of Mom's that can embarrass you, it does show that your dude friends may be already sharing embarrassing pics of you with Mable the Goat Lady. [MSNBC]

College Students Can Now Rent Text-eBooks from Amazon

Amazon announced a new opportunity for college students to rent their textbooks as ebooks through its Kindle platform instead of buying the books outright.  The ebook rental prices will at times be as much as 80% less than the retail value of the books.  I can see this affecting students in three ways:

1. Students will no longer give Christmas presents to their families or be able to go home for the summer.  The valuable income that comes at the end of the semester when students sell back the books their parents or student loans paid for will be lost as the text-ebooks vanish into the ether.

2.  Students will no longer have a proper reminder for classes.  Waking up at the crack of noon, stumbling over to the mini-fridge to get that first brew, then BAM!  Your big toe cracks into the edge of your Algebra II book.  As you collapse to the floor in pain, you remember that your final for Civics is tomorrow.  How?  The girl that saw you vomit off the balcony onto the goat that time is in both your Algebra and Civics class.  Without the book, you would never remember.

3.  Rolling joints and doing blow on a Kindle sucks the big one.  Seriously, have you ever tried to cut anything on the screen of that eInk stuff?  Cuts it right up.  And remember how happy you were to shake out the book and find a toothpick's worth of weed in the cracks of the pages?  So happy.

[ComputerWorld]

Dolly Parton Donates Books; Obvious Boob Joke to Follow

Dolly Parton recently donated materials to the Coleridge children’s centre in Rotherham, UK.  The Imagination Library, which mails books to children to facilitate reading, was started by Parton in her home state.

Boob joke with reading.  Boob joke about kids.  Country boob joke set to a song.  Curious George Goes to the Grand Ole Opry (and Finds Cleavage).

Okay, now that that's out of the way, this is an awesome thing this sweet lady has done.  The fact that it has not gotten more press or coverage throughout the library community is crazy.

[Guardian]

Call of Dewey: Modern Librarians Create Video Game

Librarians at Fairfield University in Connecticut have created a video game to help with freshman orientation at their school library.  The video game was inspired by Scene It (hopefully not the Twilight edition) as a point and click question and answer type game to familiarize students with basic library functions. [Library Journal]

Shudder...

This is a cool step in teaching the young'ins about libraries, but how about we go further.  Video games were doing 3D animation nearly twenty years ago with titles like Doom and Duke Nukem.  Why can't there be a tool like that in libraries?  With lower graphic standards on extremely popular Internet games (Minecraft, how I love thee), someone out there could create a virtual library that users could run around in, click on switches and items and be led to real time catalog searches and eBooks.  Think that's a weird idea?  Ask anyone who played the first Dragon Age or Mass Effect games how much crap there was to read in those games.  A 3D virtual library could revolutionize catalogs as you could look at a library shelf in real time, see what's there, pick out an ebook version, or just find something interesting by browsing.

If any programmer out there wants to start programming this library "game" I have presented, be my guest.  If you make money on it though, I want a kick back and a mention in the credits.  And you better follow me on Twitter.

Stop Talking about Harry Potter Like He's Dead, You Guys

The movie just came out and everybody's all, "Harry was great.  Remember when Harry did this or Harry did that?" Everyone's talking in the past tense.  WHY?!  He's not dead, Harry's still alive, you guys!  Stop acting like marrying a redhead is the end of your life.

I mean, as soon as the movie came out and the reviews started coming in, people were all like, "Harry made kids read.  I'm gonna miss Harry."  He's not dead!  Stop talking like that! You guys are horrible.  Nobody's talking about Ron or Herm... Hermy.... that girl like that.  Harry is, like, the best and always will be the best and you people should all just start talking like he just woke up in that damn closet under the stairs and started getting goofy letters!  Don't let go!  Harry is inside you, he is NOT in the past and I will murder anyone with my Nimbus 2000 right up their ass if they say different.

Harry is in my heart.  Harry is deep inside me.  My dreams...

Guest post by mrspotterloverpancakebreath

Behave on Google+ Or Lose Everything,

Google announced this morning that it's new Google+ social network is taking applications for businesses to tryout the site, but that's not the good stuff.  The good stuff is this article about a 10 year old that tried to violate Google+ 13 year old age limit and got smacked down.  Turns out, you break those little "Agree"-ments you make with Google and they will delete you.  Well, not delete, delete you, but everything you worked so hard on will be gone.  Gmail, Docs, Calendar, probably that Angry Birds Chrome app they have, you will be locked out of them all.  So be good on Google+ or no more Farmville for you.
[ComputerWorld]
[TheOnion]
[BusinessInsider]

British Library Raising Money for $14.5 Million Dollar Book, Economy Can Go Moon Itself

The British Library is raising $14.5 million USD (9 million local) for the St. Cuthbert Gospel, a seventh century Latin translation of the Gospel of John, from the British Society of Jesus (Jesuits).  The library has already committed $5 million pounds to the sale.

Well, I am really glad our libraries here are not struggling with having to raise $14.5 million for a single book.  Hell, down right makes a $10 ebook seem ridiculous.  Think about it, that really shows the strength of their economy where that kind of purchase is possible.  Makes a little book burning seem silly in comparison.

[WashingtonPost]