I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!
Answer: According to the Food and Drug Administration, the Environmental Protection Agency, NAMBLA, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, I am completely wasting their time asking this question. Well, NAMBLA seemed to care for a second, but the North American Miners Bowling League Association just did not seem like a credible source. So I am forced to pursue other avenues.
The first place I went looking for answers was to the wise old owl that lives in my tree.
Owl intelligence increases when you put an arrow on his head and wires in his eyeballs.
I started by asking him straight out, but he did not seem to give a hoot. Then I threw the sucker at him. It hit him in the wing. He let out an ungodly screech that pierced the night and, I dare say, my very soul. I dove toward my sucker, plucking it from the ground. When I looked up, his eyes bore into me, burning my core. I ran into the night.
My Grandpa
Next, I went and asked my grandpa, cause he really liked sweets when he was alive.
Grandma said grandpa is the little one!
He did not say much.
Yahoo Answers
Just after I posted my query to Yahoo Answers, I was given the immediate answer of "First!" I assume that means that it only takes one lick, but without verifiable evidence I doubt suckerman69's answer.
Tootsie.com
Because the Tootsie Roll company first posed this question about their famous "roll pop," I decided to pay their website a visit. Low and behold an answer that made sense was found! It seems such prestigious institutions such as Purdue University, University of Michigan, and Swarthmore Junior High School have conducted independent studies with inconclusive results stemming from wildly varied results. This is after Purdue and UM used machines and SJHS just started licking. Real science, people. Check it out here.
Forget Hogwarts! Take the train to the school that licks!
I have found that suckers make owls mad, dead men not talk, Yahoo Answers suck, and junior high schools compete with universities if the stakes are high enough. I also learned that we as a country should just enjoy our suckers and stop questioning them.
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