5 Reasons Libraries Should Use eBooks... Now

A whole new world...

Last week we did a little thought experiment to come up with 5 Reasons Libraries Should Not Use eBooks... Yet.  During that lovely discussion, we theorized that libraries were ill equipped to handle a market so in flux even it does not agree on a pricing model just yet.  But hey, that's no reason to stop talking about the subject like civilized, grammar loving Americans, now is it?  So how's about we take the other side of the fence and come up with a few reasons to adopt this new fantabuloso format for freading (really "reading" but I love alliteration).  Any whoosle, hit the jump for 5 Reasons Libraries Should Use eBooks... Now.

1.  The Public Expects Us To.
Just like any other information technology out there, the public expects the library to be on top of whatever comes out.  Plus, we done books for years!  Why the hell not ebooks, too?  Makes perfect sense to anyone, just ask.

Like Johnny Applescreamer, here.

2.  We've Adopted Worse, It's a Learning Experience
I heard a story of a small town library that was so excited to get a dial up Internet connection.  Then, just a few weeks later, the schools cut a deal with the cable company and got a broadband line.  I am all for the tortoise beating the hare, but when you are talking Internet speed dial up might as well go on and hire a guy to whack the broadband in the knee then cry about its laces.  That's a Tonya Harding joke, kids.  I digress.  The library learned its lesson and sought out the best tech after that.

She really did become a tortoise, I hear.

3.  Libraries Expect Us to
Libraries in general put a lot of pressure on each other, much like that kid in grade school who made fun of you for wearing off brand instead of Air Jordan's.  Peer pressure is a great motivator.  When the cool library in the next county has ebooks, we gotta have them, too.  Keeping up with the Jones' Counties is hard work, but if it is done right you can get page one in the features section.

Now we're kickin'

4.  The Media, Man
Tied heavily to the public, the coverage in the media can shape library services.  If the big story is a resurgence of the 1882 Bolivia Monkey Pox, you better start stocking up on books on obscure South American diseases.  Same goes for every service.  If the media begins an ebook blitzkrieg, tighten up the hatches and get ready to spend that "fix the hole over the biographies" money in the budget.

Watch it all go down...

5.  Old People Are Dying
Fun fact:  everyone under the age of 20 who lives in an area that poops inside has no idea of a life before the Internet or cellphones.  They have lived their entire lives in a cloud of 1's and 0's.  Here's another idea to horrify you: They are the growing majority.  The competition is death.  Folks that remember rotary phones and "Papa getting the Sears and Roebuck to go to the outhouse" are quickly becoming the minority.  Soon, the old people will be gone and nobody will be reading print.  Libraries must embrace this society that never knows a paper cut less we become just another term for them to Google.  That sounded dirty.

Google me, I dare you.

How to Manage a Power Outage

From time to time, disasters are going to strike a library. I do not mean to say that tornadoes and volcanoes will rage through the stacks, no I am talking about power outages. Here are a few helpful hints at what to do when your library goes dark.

Example: Dark

1. Comfort the computer users. When the power goes out, the first people to notice are the computer labs, mostly because shit just got real for them. Thy will not be able to comprehend that facebook is not run by magical fairies, but instead by papa power and papa got drunk and passed out. These patrons will panic, blindly accusing you of causing their virtual crops to wither and their friends and families to think them dead because they could not post "powers out at the library lol @ashtonkutner" to their twitter feeds. Hold them and tell them to be patient, cry with them and let them know that everything is going to be all right. Keep them from attempting to attatch their car to the library in the hopes that they can give the library a jump.

Remember, it's black to ground and red to library.

2. Call the power company. This seems like a no brainer, but often the company that supplies that high voltage life blood will not know they have screwed up. Let them know, with a kind and forceful tone of "we are about to be murdered. Send help."  That will get them running.  This is especially important because the patrons will get restless and rioting/looting will ensue.

Holy Crap?! The power was only out for five minutes!

3.  Bust out the flashlights.  Use the flashlights to scour the library for all those teenagers who find their lust sparked by darkness or their appetite for stealing amped up (see what I did there, with the electrical talk?  amped...).  If you do not have a flashlight handy, grab a blind person.  They already know how to get around in the dark.  Then, guide any well meaning crotchety old person away from squinting at the large print.  Gather everyone into the biggest open space you can and begin dividing up into teams of "kill" or "be killed."

Example:  Kill

4.  Kick everyone out.  Move those flashlights toward the entrances and those patrons will flock to them like ferrets (true story).  Any who resist the first push will be trampled or given a stern talking to.  After the majority of the people have fled into the bright, shiny world, the librarian must go back in to get the rest.  Who would stay in a creepy, dark building filled with frightening angles?  Weirdos and freaks, that is who.  Be prepared for anything, and I mean anything.

Like Johnny Applescreamer

5.  Prepare to reopen.  Many of you know, reopening is nothing like opening.  An unscheduled closing and reopening during the middle of the day causes imbalances in people with already little in the way of "balance," much like introducing a shark "imbalances" a beach.  Apologies will not cut it this time, buster.  You will have to reign in the crazy that is "patron."  Preparation to reopen rests on two principles:  turn everything on first and prepare for stupid.  

What do you mean it didn't save when everything cut off?!