Monday, January 10, 2011

Newbery Announced, Video Games Could Care Less

Moon Over Manifest
Video Games not Pwn'd by your Newbery

When Clare Vanderpool's Moon Over Manifest was selected Monday as the 2011 Newbery Medal winner, video games gave less of a crap.  The billion dollar industry has not given a full statement as of yet, but did let slip that "[video games] did not care how many new berries those punk books have, [video games] have fire flowers, magic mushrooms, and medipaks for days, bitch pwn, lolz" during a 6 hour patch update of World of Warcraft.  Video games went on to describe how it would crouch over a dead book if the book were ever man enough to "get up itz ballz and log in."  When told that books were not able to log in and required no power, video games stared at this reporter as if he just crapped in his hand and put a birthday candle in it.  Video games then proceeded to log into Wikipedia to search for this "book" thing, possibly to slay it as one would a dragon with witch powers.

More news about new berries here

Friday, January 7, 2011

Library offers Binoculars to Watch Eagles

Hotel California
Hotel California was the best!

A library in Elgin, Ill is loaning patrons binoculars to see some guests that have come to town.  Unfortunately, those guests are not the band The Eagles, but just a bunch of birds.  If anyone is interested I am going to be in the parking lot blasting Hotel California while the hippies get their bird watching on.

And you can bet the son of a bitch is watching them right back.

Original article here

Image copyright National Geographic

Sheep-Pig Author Passes On, Sheep-Pigs Mourn

The Sheep-Pig

Dick King-Smith, the author of Sheep-Pig, died in his sleep Tuesday.  Sheep-Pig is best know for its large screen debut, Sheep-Pig, and the sequel, Sheep-Pig 2: Sheep-Pig in the City.  The author of over 100 children's books, King-Smith will be missed by all who knew him and those that grew up on his books.  Not like that other pig book with the rats and spiders that spell.  Evil.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Simple Proposal: Library Credit Card

In this season of returning, we should begin to look at what can make the library more money.  I propose a library credit card.  Think about it for a minute.  Now think about elephants.  Now stop thinking about elephants and go back to the credit card thing.  Why shouldn't we have a library credit card?

 A BAT-LIBRARY-CREDIT CARD!!

Below are 4 reasons library cards and credit cards can be friends.

1.  Patrons will always have it
Think of every time a patron searched for their library card.  How many credit and gift cards do they go through before they reach their library card?  Now think if that library card was right there, piled in between the Visa and the Pep-Boys punch card.  How awesome would that be?


Getting it done, BAM! 

2.  Easy to pay fines
You ever have that charge from the credit company that went directly on your account without you know?  You know how frustrating that is?  Now you can do that to other people!  Remember that old adage about two birds in a bush being hit by a stone?  You are that stone!  A stone that pulls in so much money that the Friends collapse from disuse.

More like money printing

4.  You can give your patrons the gift of credit.
Think of a little, sweet kid that comes in, gives you a hug, and draws pictures of you with brown rainbows over your head.  Now add ten to twenty years.  Little Jimmy is all grown up and looking for a car loan.  When the bank official checks his credit score, he will be taken aback.  "How did you get this great credit score, Jim Jiminy Jim Jim Jim?" the official will ask.  Jimmy slowly pulls out his library credit card.

"Check it out, home skillet," Little Jimmy says.

5.  Everybody loves to multitask


Image from allposters.com
Image from bat wiki
Image from this site
Image from this blog
Image from whatever this is

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ebooks Outselling Print: eMergency?

I gotz boox! Rorz!

After the dust cleared this holiday season, the final sales figures came out.  It seems eBooks outsold a number of  their print brethren for the first time.  Is this the final nail in the coffin for print?  Should we buy it a burial plot, design a tasteful headstone and order flowers?  Do we gather a minister to observe last rites as we hope print gave its soul to Baby Jesus?  It seem print is saved, what with that Bible bestseller, but who knows when there's people like Glenn Beck out there publishing?  We have to save print's soul!  Somebody call the president, the joint chiefs, Superman, call everybody!  We have to save print!  

And why save print?  Think about it.  Will future nerds and librarians develop the coordination gained late at night from balancing a flashlight and a book instead of an eReader?  Nope.  Does throwing a dainty Nook at your brother have the same effect as clocking him with a hefty Webster's?  I think not.  When the apocalypse comes, will Kindles and Nooks and Crannies keep you warm?  No, sir, they will not.  In fact, the fumes of their burning will make you sick and you will perish.

Think about that as you download, punks.

More stuff that makes sense here

Stan the Man Gets a Star

Pictured here, sucking in awesome

Stan Lee, creator of everything awesome, received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday.  I think this is great, especially after the Academy has overlooked such wonderful performances as "Man Dodging Debris" in Spider-man 2, "Willie Lumpkin" in Fantastic Four, "Old Man at Crossing" in Daredevil and the tour de force of them all, "Waterhose Man" in X-Men: The Last Stand.  

Seriously, though, without this man the world would be a darker place.  Stan Lee created human superheroes, people in tights that we could relate to.  Without him, who knows how many years comic readers would have read about god-like beings that posed an unnatural look at the world.  He is a modern day Homer, crafting Achilles in spandex with New York as his Troy.  And honestly, modern movie and comic companies should bow down and kiss the ground he walks on, because without him million dollar franchises complete with stories begun decades before would not exist.  

To Stan, I can only say one thing:  Excelsior!


Huck Finn to be Censored

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

I am not going to get political here, but I felt this should be commented on.  An Alabama publisher has recently stated plans to change a certain "n" word (yep, you know what it is) throughout the classic text The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn into "slave."  I understand the reasoning, the same reasoning that a decade or so ago lead to many southern states removing or voting to remove the confederate banner from their flags:  It makes people uncomfortable.  The people who read it, the people who study it; everybody gets uncomfortable around that word.  And rightly so, it brings up horrible connotations of horrible acts and injustices.  I have two thoughts on the matter:

1)  If written today, Twain would not have used that word.  In the past 100 years since the book was written, times they have a-changed.  What was common vernacular then is now seen as a vehicle of hate.  Twain was a consummate abolitionist, as the majority of the text shows, and his inclusion of the word was not one of bigotry but of historical accuracy.  He wrote how people talked, plain and simple.  He was also a man who cared a great deal about what the world in general thought about him and would not want to be thought of as racist.  To prove my point, check out when his autobiography came out.

2)  If we change what some (if not most) scholars consider to be THE American classic, what is next?  In this world of "find and replace" typing, who is to say what is correct editing?  What many view as a snapshot story in history by a great author, others see as a string of profanities that put them off the work entirely.  And do not forget, this has happened before, but with the author's consent.  But think about how changing this text, this important work will lead to the thinking that other works should be changed as well.

My ending opinion?  Conclusion?  Hell, I do not know.  I am against censorship in any form, yet I can see how changing just one word in the text will reopen it for thousands who cast it off as a horror show of racism. Ultimately, I have to say let them publish it.  God knows I have read enough terrible classic graphic novel interpretations.  As long as the humor and story are left intact, that Twain's message is still there, I can live with it.  Also, the text is public domain.  They can not change all the copies, the bastards.  

One other little tidbit.  The publisher is also changing "injun" to "Indian."  That is just ridiculous.  Why not "Native American?"  If we are going nuts here, take out all the apostrophes and dialect.  Let's git that Huck Finn talkin' proper english and sivilised, dad nab'it!  And if you want to take my old treasured copy, "All right, then, I'll go to hell."