5 Exercises You Can Do In the Library

Time to Pump. (Clap) You Up!

Getting exercise this time of year is difficult.  The holiday weight is still there, the gym is calling, but the cold says, "Stay at home under this warm quilt and spread disease to your loved ones."  Well, I am here to tell you that you can get in shape just by doing chores around the library.  Here are the five exercises you can do in the library:

Exercise #1: Stretch in the Stacks

As you shelve those books that seem to appear from nowhere at every table, take the time to do some basic stretches.  If the book is low, do not bend your knees but attempt to lean all the way down and feel the burn.  Low books can also give you a reason to squat to stretch out your thighs.  If the book is up high, do not use that stool!  Reach for it!  Make sure to keep your own spine straight as you straighten those book spines!

 (Also remember to keep an eye out for Moe the Hobo.  He may enjoy watching this too much.)

Exercise #2: The Book Cart Push

Here we begin the whole body workout.  Legs, butt, back and arms can all be utilized when pushing and pulling a book cart laden with heavy volumes.  All you have to do is find a cart, a bunch of books that do not have to be shelved right away, and start pushing and pulling it around the library.  Remember when starting to use your legs more to push.  The best part is you can always take off or add books to target the amount that makes you most comfortable but still gives you that burn.  Also, you can always refuse to help another staff member by saying, "Sorry, got this cart." 

Avoid carts with big wheels, they will give you no resistance.

Exercise #3:  Book Pumping

Now let's target those hands and arms.  Again, we will use books to establish those grips and guns that will make the ladies swoon (or make the men feel uncomfortable shaking a woman's hand).  This one is also easy, simply carry a lot of heavy books.  No reason to be stupid about it by hauling a cart's worth of books in your hand, but a stack of ten or twelve volumes should give you a good work out.  As you get more comfortable carrying heavier loads, begin to lift them up and down as you go.  Also, for heavier books attempt to hold them in one hand, downward.  By adding more, heavier books, your grip will grow stronger, allowing you to eat walnuts at the circ desk to warn away potential problems.

This library director could hold five volumes of Britannica in one hand.

Exercise #4:  Child Crying Wind Sprints 

This is the cardio portion of the exercise routine.  Every time a child begins screaming bloody murder, take off in that direction as fast as possible.  Even if you know the child is fine, annoying, but fine, take off.  Not only will this give you a faster reaction time, but you will get that heart pumping and the blood moving.

This big baby will nearly kill you with his drama.

Exercise #5:  Start a Bookcart Drill Team

Not only will working with others be fun and rewarding, but you will have others to push you when you slip.  Remember, health is rewarding, but not as rewarding as this:

Do you have any library exercises?  Let me know on @bannedlibrary for twitter or email at bannedlibrary@gmail.com


Images (all images copyright their respective company and website):
Hanz and Franz
Library Shelver
Book Cart
Godfather
The Dawson

Ebooks Outselling Print: eMergency?

I gotz boox! Rorz!

After the dust cleared this holiday season, the final sales figures came out.  It seems eBooks outsold a number of  their print brethren for the first time.  Is this the final nail in the coffin for print?  Should we buy it a burial plot, design a tasteful headstone and order flowers?  Do we gather a minister to observe last rites as we hope print gave its soul to Baby Jesus?  It seem print is saved, what with that Bible bestseller, but who knows when there's people like Glenn Beck out there publishing?  We have to save print's soul!  Somebody call the president, the joint chiefs, Superman, call everybody!  We have to save print!  

And why save print?  Think about it.  Will future nerds and librarians develop the coordination gained late at night from balancing a flashlight and a book instead of an eReader?  Nope.  Does throwing a dainty Nook at your brother have the same effect as clocking him with a hefty Webster's?  I think not.  When the apocalypse comes, will Kindles and Nooks and Crannies keep you warm?  No, sir, they will not.  In fact, the fumes of their burning will make you sick and you will perish.

Think about that as you download, punks.

More stuff that makes sense here