Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Duke Nukem Never

3D Realms

Maybe the first of some random reviews for library video games:  Duke Nukem Forever.  It took nearly 15 years to come out.  Several developers.  Tons of lines of code.  One of the longest credits lists of anything ever, including WWII.

And this game...


Sucks.

A mature rated title that (if your library hosts video games) should not be bought by your library.  This is the equivalent of... This is hype meets bad.  If you get requests, just punch those patrons in the face.  This game is not worth it.  Story, characters, even graphics all belong five to even ten years in the past.  When you cannot get your game to meet current gen standards after years of development, when multitudes of clones of good games are doing so, just hire a firing squad.   I am not just down on the graphics, it is all bad.  Not one good, new idea in this whole mess.  Fifteen years ago, this game was a slap in the face of pop culture leading men, mocking and happily kicking Stallone and Swartzen... Swarfsf... Ahnold Govenator in the face.  Now... it is just sad.

Claim you do not have the budget.  Claim you do not have the shelf space.  Claim you think the whole thing's a propaganda machine for squirrels to invade the library.  Just do not buy this game for inclusion in a library.  The only reason to stock this game in a library is to be the library that ends up on the news for stocking this game.  If your library stocks this game, you should hand in your resignation for leading us all towards an Idiocracy. 

Just watch these reactions.  Sure, in the beginning we were all happy for the trailers and it started out a happy fun time.  Then it just got sad.

Buy 10 copies of L.A. Noire if you really want to bolster your library's video game street cred.  Noire is a solid example of where video games are headed.  Duke Nukem Forever is our adolescent past, pimply, lanky, and without any class whatsoever.