5 Ways to Prevent Cabin Fever

Old Man Slushie has come again, dumping the white stuff and blowing the invisible stuff across the land.  As the cold sets in deep, people begin to nest in the library.  With the added crowd and inability to escape, both you and the staff can descend into the madness that is cabin fever. 

Welcome to the library!

Here are a couple of ways keep your head in this wintery hell:

 #1  Entertain the Children

The youngest of the library can also breathe the most live into the library.  Because school is out, either because of the holidays or because of snow, children become captive audiences for whatever play, skit or puppet show you can think of.

They are very receptive.

#B Create Something Special

 The limits of the human mind cannot be contained within the walls of the library.  As your work load dwindles, express yourself on paper, casting your mind into warmer climates of warmy wonder.  Just let yourself go, feel what is in your heart.

My masterpiece.  All in a row.  Good times.

#Yellow:  Clean Up a Little

As the number of people increase, so does the amount of trash.  Take the time to tidy up all the little messes that have cropped up around the library.  Those hard to scrub coffee, tea and blood stains will give you hours of work.

OOOO!  A project!

#Door:  Do Some Shelving to Motivate the Staff!

After showing the staff your writing and cleaning prowess, show them you mean business!  Shelve with a fever, chasing their lazy butts down one by miserable one.  Yeah, you will find them all, the bartender and the pink giraffe said so.  They are all bad, bad whiny staffy staffertons.  

IT'S SHELVING TIME!

 # Redrum:  Take a Nap

They all laughed at you and did not think you would do it, but you showed them.  It is all yours now, the library is safe from their kind, their dirty kind of non-shelving shelfy-doodles.  They will not worry anyone anymore.  In fact, those patrons are dirty, too.  Dirty in your clean library.  Just a walk outside to find them all and maybe a nap at break time.

Yeah, a nap with my eyes closed in a blanket of snowy snow.

# End of the End:  Have a Party!

The library is cool and clean and you have kept your sanity.  Whew!  That nap did you wonders!  Plus, now everyone is ready for a dapper party!  The bartender is there, and so are all the old members of the Friends!  Wow, they look so young!  

Even the dead ones...

photos from The Shining, copyright 1980, Warner Bros.

Beware Librarians Bearing Gifts

As this is the season of giving, we must remember one important fact: The office secret Santa swap is fast approaching.

"I'm coming to get you, Barbara from reference."

Here are a few gender neutral tips for buying in different departments of the library.

Circulation Department
The circulation department sees thousands of books a day, often cherry picking the best new and old items as they move through the building.  The best place to shop for them is the book sale.  This hive of scum and villainy is the only place to find an item that these vultures have not seen before.

Look down low for the wookie books.

Reference Department
One would first think about many things for reference: a new phone cradle, a hand-decorated post-it dispenser, or a box of mints for Steve's raging halitosis.  Nope, these are horrible gifts as they remind them of their patrons. Find something randomly from the lost and found, cover it in newspaper, and leave it in their locker.  They will thank you for not questioning them.

You don't even have to identify it.

Processing/ ILL Department

This department is much like circulation, except they are much more on a grander scale.  There is nothing they desire that they cannot receive, nothing possible they cannot track down.  Therefore, your gift is a simple one: look away.  When that box of new Harry Potters comes in already open; look away.  When the Twilight book catches fire in a freak laminating accident; look away.  When the Internet histories begin reporting searches for "questionable" ordering sites; Just.  Look.  Away.

Don't ask why this computer is so happy.

Administration
If your admin is anything like mine, they live on grants and that weird green tea.  They can afford way cooler stuff than you, so give them what they really need to thrive: tears of a broken para professional and the blood of the innocent MLIS student.

They even got a bucket for it.

Children's Department
More glitter, construction paper, or other craft stuff.  It is like crack for them.  Alternative gifts are more of the same, just make it shiny or colorful.  Go nuts with the craft materials, but do not make anything for them.  These are the professional crap makers, just give them the supplies and stay away.

Yeah, man, just give me one more button, I'll pay ya tomorrow.

IT Department
Just tell them it is the holidays and that they can go home.  This is sad, but they will appreciate someone telling them anything other than problems for once.

 

Jimmy, uh, time to... Jesus, man go home to your family.