The Onion Starts Online Subscription Fee called "Donate or Fuck Off"

Joining the ranks of other online news agencies such as the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, satirical newspaper The Onion today announced they would begin a donation policy called "Donate or Fuck Off" for the use of their website after the reader has read nine and three quarters articles a month.  The media hobbit has tested online subscriptions in other markets and has maintained a print subscription fee, but this is the first time they have attempted this particular method in the U. S. of 'Merica.

Onion, Inc. chief technology officer Michael Greer explains the new plan: 

"We know our readers will read us. It's what they do. Hell, most of them expect to pay something anyway. So in a way, we are giving them what they want. And people keep throwing around buzz words like 'subscription' and 'newspaper.' That's not what we do here. We just offer internet content for free in an Internet fashion, with ads. All we are asking is a little kickback now and then or maybe we stop giving you content. That's all. We even got a nice JPEG that tells you to fuck off. It's not really funny."

Long time reader of The Onion, John 'Whiplash' Williams had this to say: 

"Eh. If they start making me pay, I guess I'll try it out. Maybe I'll get a deal for the print and online. Bird's gotta shit somewhere, right?"

The Onion was not contacted for comment. 

New Facebook Privacy Controls, I Call'em 'Squares'

NYTimes

Facebook has rolled out some new features and cleaned up some old ones in the area of privacy.  Now featuring a drop down on posts, the website allows you to designate quickly who sees what you do.  As the New York Times reports, some of these abilities were available but difficult to manage.  The new drop down will feature settings such as "Public" for all to see, "Friends" for just those you are connected to, and "Custom" for when you want to leave some people out of the party.

Yay!  Now Grandma can stop asking me who Sanchez is and why he is "dirty."  The only problem will be getting all of the family (not just Grandma) to stop sending all the love and attention to public.  I am an adult, you guys, and familial love is gross and icky.

Also, I can start sending false updates to everyone.  I will always be at the library. *wink*

New York Times Top Story: "News Ain't Free"

Top Story: "News Ain't Free!"

The New York Times, in an increasing bid to lose readership, has announced that starting March 28th their website will be a subscription-based service.  The company has already started the initiative in Canada to iron out the wrinkles on their new bid to be read less.  Hell, they even let the story go to the world, such as the site The Guardian, where you too can read about it for free.

I guess it is pretty obvious that I think this is a dumb idea.  The basic plan is any schmo can look at 20 articles a month for free.  The top stories will still be available on the iPhone and iPad apps, but that's about it.  Otherwise you have to pay at least $15 per month.  Paper subscribers get an unlimited access plan, but if you already have the paper... Eh, whatever.  Did I mention I got this story from a Google News stream?