Hipster Was Into Print Books, Libraries Before They Were Retro Cool

Bay area hipster Jeremy Potter, 23, claims he has been going to the library for years and reading print materials way before anyone else.

"Man, I was all about going to the Hot Topic, then rolling to the 'brary for some Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid," Potter said, "When I grew up I did all the Dickens, Shakespeare and Kaufka then everyone was reading them.  I went back to my roots, a little underground industry called graphic novels.  Then it was like everyone was getting them.  So now I've gone really underground, back to the roots, a little guy named Gutenberg, maybe you heard of him.  He made his own Bible."

"Yeah, everybody reads them, but I think they're cool.  I guess," said Potter.

Potter showed off his vintage collection of books he's been collecting for the last 10 years:

The shelf is of a bygone era.

"Yeah, the top shelf is all about the old school comics.  There's some Ultimate Spider-Man, Batman, Powers, Scott Pilgrim.  Yeah, I got the rabbit guarding those. (laughs)
Then the next shelf is all Dresden Files and Christopher Moore.  I don't really read them now that there are so many of them, but they look good with the decor.
Finally, there's just a hodge podge of stuff at the bottom.  Some Stephen King next to Dave Barry next to Wicked.  That's before they made that musical on Broadway, bee tee dub.  It was a book, man."

Potter claims he got a lot of the items from the used book sale at the public library.  The public library, a place many use to download ebooks, access wifi, and use public access computers, also collects print materials.  The print materials, once a popular medium, are being sold off wholesale as they become redundant to the digital formats now owned by the library.

"You can get some good sh** there," Potter says, "Sometimes I take some books back and trade them for older ones.  It was a groovy place till all the norms found out about it."

The Onion Starts Online Subscription Fee called "Donate or Fuck Off"

Joining the ranks of other online news agencies such as the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, satirical newspaper The Onion today announced they would begin a donation policy called "Donate or Fuck Off" for the use of their website after the reader has read nine and three quarters articles a month.  The media hobbit has tested online subscriptions in other markets and has maintained a print subscription fee, but this is the first time they have attempted this particular method in the U. S. of 'Merica.

Onion, Inc. chief technology officer Michael Greer explains the new plan: 

"We know our readers will read us. It's what they do. Hell, most of them expect to pay something anyway. So in a way, we are giving them what they want. And people keep throwing around buzz words like 'subscription' and 'newspaper.' That's not what we do here. We just offer internet content for free in an Internet fashion, with ads. All we are asking is a little kickback now and then or maybe we stop giving you content. That's all. We even got a nice JPEG that tells you to fuck off. It's not really funny."

Long time reader of The Onion, John 'Whiplash' Williams had this to say: 

"Eh. If they start making me pay, I guess I'll try it out. Maybe I'll get a deal for the print and online. Bird's gotta shit somewhere, right?"

The Onion was not contacted for comment.