8 Types of Patrons in the Computer Lab

Helping someone on a computer who is not familiar with the Internetz and all its glory is daunting.  From basic copying and pasting to navigating the land mines of garbage out there, patrons without much experience are almost doomed to fail.  Here is where we come in.  Librarians, physical search engines and masters of PEBKAC*, must help our patrons the best we can.

After the jump are the most common patrons that I know of and how to deal with them.

1. Entry Level:  We can help you set up an email, first put the mouse back on the table.
Your entry level computer user will have no idea how to do things you take for granted, such as navigating the GUI**.  He or she will not understand how the mouse works and honestly, does not need to.  Simply explain what it does and have them play with it.  Best practice when working with entry level users is to not do the work for them.  Tell them what to click and what the clicks mean.  Tell them what to type and why they are typing there.  Do not do the typing and clicking for them.  The best way for computer users to learn is to simply do the work.  They will get better, just keep encouraging them and telling them that everyone makes these mistakes at first.  The worst thing you can say is "You are not doing that right."  This is a computer, no one does it right.

2. Wikihounds: I am sorry, but just because Wikipedia claims Obama is Canadian today does not make it so.

The next person up is the almost competent "Wikihound".  This person has just enough knowledge to be a danger to himself.  The Wikihound is the person that came up with the idea of "Just Google It."  He or she finds information from  sources when only the best will do.  When researching a paper on ancient Roman mythology, the Wikihound flies right by the ".edu" sites and copies and pastes the entirety of www.ancientromekicksass.com.  Beware this user as he or she will attempt to help other patrons.  The best way to handle these users is to explain to them how Wikipedia works and use the word "plagarism" a lot.  Other than that, not much anyone can do.

3. Job Searchers:  I guess your tractor experience would help you get into flight school.

The Job Searcher could be either an Entry Level or a Wikihound.  The Entry Level Job Searcher takes tender care, as he or she will have endless questions often pertaining to delicate information you may not wish to be priviy to, such as references and other personal information.  The Wikihound will simply search the wrong sources and become lost in a quagmire of websites charging for resumes and others that ask for social security numbers.  The best way to help these people is to give them books on the subject and steer them toward simple websites that will guide them through the process.  In this economic times, treat these patrons with kid gloves as their need is one of the strongest.

4. Unsocial Networker:  I do not know why your daughter does not join your "I love Great Danes" group.

Now we begin to delve into the horror of patron assistance.  Behold as we attempt to help those that take your time simply because you offer it.  The first is the Unsocial Networker.  The next step past Entry Level.  Most issues with social networks are easy to solve, how to upload a picture or how to "invite" someone.  The Unsocial Networker will attempt to drag you into his or her personal issues, asking why someone has not replied to an email or why no one cares that Fluffy, the family Great Dane, is sick with a broken heart.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do with this patron besides listen.  That is probably all they need anyway.

5. The Unsocial Gamer:  I am sorry, but I cannot join your Farmville.

Beyond the Unsocial Networker is the Unsocial Gamer.  Fighting to keep their crops growing at all costs, these patrons will monopolize computer time until they grow into the chair.  Most problems exist when they have not finished running through all their games before time is up.  A subset is the poker player, who often has money riding on his terrible, terrible hands.  The Unsocial Gamer will stay until the librarian pulls the plug on the machine.  I recommend doing that.

6. Unwary Public:  Probably not the best idea to read your SSN into your cell in the computer lab.

The Unwary Public are often not aware they are in public at all.  They will use public computers for every unsecured, dangerous and stupid task in the world.  Not only will they use the public computers with wild abandon, they will say aloud passwords, PIN numbers and even Social Security Numbers as they type or, more often, talk to tech support on their cell phones.  The public library should be an identity thief's favorite hangout spot.  Again, there is no real way to protect people from themselves besides warning them of the dangers.

7. Quizzeteers:  I am not sure why it says you should be in Slytherin, you are obviously a Griffindor.

While not the most obvious computer lab patron, the Quizzeteer can be multitude of things.  He or she could ask you ten times in a row how to find contact information on the same website within an hour.  They could ask you how to bold something when you just showed them.  They could also be crazy and sit doing Internet quizzes over and over again.  Fun to hang out with if you want to know what kind of ninja you would be (Hint: Silent but Deadly.) but soon the questions would just come right back out.

8. Target Demographic:  They want your money.  All of it.

Yet another aspect of the Entry Level is the Target Demographic.  This is not the same as "white she-male, age 12-92."  No, the Target Demo for Internet ads is generally, "dumb enough, able to click on flashy flashy advertisement."  These are the people who sit in casinos all day feeding machines nickels waiting for the big pay out.  Poor, naive souls that believe anything the flashing lights tell them, without contemplation of where the message is coming from.  The message is They want your money, all of it.

In conclusion, computer lab patrons work like the brakes on your car:  when they are good you do not notice them, but when they are not you will crash into a tree that was hanging over the overpass and get run over by a train.  A big train.  Called Interwebs.  Super highway.  Enjoy some Tom Cochrane.

*"Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair" also known as an "ID-10T error"
**"Graphic User Interface" Using a mouse to click on stuff on a screen.

Alaska Library Not Checking Out: Simple Computer Failure or Proof of Skynet?

Earlier this week the Homer Public Library in Homer, Alaska suffered a computer crash that forced them to suspend all checkouts until the problem could be resolved, Homernews.com reports.  The staff had difficulty keeping up with the demands of doing things the way they were done 20 years ago and have since stopped checking books in or out, causing a backup that has led the vocal majority (computer users) to wonder what all these paper things were doing blocking the computers.  The library and the computer company SirsiDynix are working to fix the problem and hope to have systems normal soon.

Here's what I wonder:  What if this is all an elaborate trick by a sentient computer program to force users that normally would only read to use computers?  Yep, this is proof of Skynet!

I'm looking at you, Pulp Looker! (whereigotit)

But, Strikingly Handsome Internet Library Dude, you ask me, why would Skynet care about a library in Alaska?   Ah, there's the rub.  You see, much like the vampires in 30 Days of Night, computers are attracted to Alaska for its rich sunlight potential.  While the vampires were there for the months-long darkness, computers are there for the months-long extra sunlight to power their solar doo-dads and what-nots.  They know libraries are the best place in town to begin the information take over.  In a small, out of the way place like Homer, Alaska, the takeover can begin and end quickly.  I tell you, this is the first step!  Start hoarding can goods and shotguns because this is going to be a long winter.

What Did I Learn In Library School? Computers

After three years and some change, I feel it is time to look back on my time in library school with experienced eyes.  What helped me?  What hindered me?  Have my ideals changed? How has my outlook on the profession changed?  The answers to those questions are: writing grants and cataloging, hours of discussing how to make policy, hell yes, and "They called the library the ship of dreams."  I am half kidding on that last part.  I believe the public library as an entity will always exist in some form, just not the form I enjoyed in my youth.  But that's another topic for another time.  The topic of this week's "What Did I Learn In Library School?" is Computers.  Cue the spooky music!

History
As I learned it so many moons ago, the history of computing goes like this.  Lots of philosophers, either on their own or separately, starting talking about thinking toasters.  A few of them theorized that thinking toasters were a good idea, even sketching out ideas based on how we would make thinking toasters.  Thinking toasters became rage in scifi books and movies.  Then TV came along, and everybody was like, "let's make shows about thinking toasters, particularly from or in outer space."  Then the military along with some other people, made thinking toasters.  Then they let the toasters talk to each other.  Then vanilla mortal folks wanted in.  Seeing pitchforks and torches in their future if the public were denied, the government let them.  Thus, Usenet was born.  Usenet then met with a bunch of tubes, had too much to drink, and nine months later what we know of as the Internet was born.  Since then, Rule 34 has ruled. What I learned about the history of computers in library school is that you do not have to know, nor does it help you appreciate, computers to use them.

Databases
Do you remember that time in your life when the World Book Encyclopedia was king?  Cool full color pictures, even those ones of the body that were see-through and had wee-wees and hoo-ha's on 'em?.  That really neat page that showed the landscape of the moon and had every detail mapped out?  Article after article of interesting stuff to plagiarize for those last minute assignments?  I do.  Well that crap ended about the time companies decided to digitize and allow for easy searching.  And by easy searching, I mean you really did have to be a college graduate in truncation and faceting to find most decent criteria.  Tweens need not apply.  And by the time I got that down, here come da Google, here come da Google.  What I learned in library school about databases was that they are nifty inventions for categorizing data that will soon be eclipsed by the next new technology.

OPACs
OPACs (Online Public Access Catalogs) were once the library's way of saying: "Look at us and how we fit that big cabinet of cards into the TV screen!" Now, they are the library's computers that failed computer camp.  These computers are so slow, ancient, and useless that they can barely operate the mouse.  These computers access one page and one page only: the library's.  That's how it is supposed to work.  Somehow, that little jerk kid with the headphones is still able to access his gmail account.  What I learned about OPACs and how they work from library school could fit between the "A" and "S" keys on one of these ancient machines, right next to the cheeto crumbs and nail clippings.

MARC
MARC (Machine Readable Catalog) is one of the most useful things to learn about libraries, even if that's the only thing you take away from library school.  Using these records is like using a title page; they give you all the info on a specific book, plus often the library's history with the edition.  What I learned about MARC records is that I really like MARC records.

FRBR
I honestly still do not have an inkling about what the hell this does or means.  And I wrote three papers on it.  I may have even used it in my thesis.  No clue.  Not one.  What I learned about FRBR in library school is that I can B.S. a paper on any topic, even at a graduate level.

Torrents
I learned a lot about torrents and file sharing from library school.  Hypothetically speaking, you could say I learned too much.  Hypothetically speaking.  Mostly from an ethics class, too.  I learned some law, too, speaking simply as an observer of technology, not a crazy Pirate from the Bay or anything.  dot com