Hollywood to Reboot Harry Potter

Well, the last movie is upon us and as this article states, there will be no more books.  I bet soon that Hollywood will announce they will begin work on the definitive Harry Potter, rebooting the movie franchise and creating a whole new world of adventure.

In this new gritty reboot, J. K. Rowling's protagonist will be an American scientist who is granted the power of magic after being struck by a mysterious bolt of lightning.  With his friends Ron, a quick-witted thief, and Hermione, the princess of Muggletania, he will travel the globe adventuring and fighting the evil schemes of Dr. Vol De Morte, his once-friend and lover.  Helped along by their gay neighbor Dumbledore and his man servant Hagrid, they will make the world safe for democracy and hope.  Date not released.

Look Out, Harry!

Miss Marple Update? Let's Go Further Than Jennifer Garner

Just screams "Electra"

Well, it turns out that they are rebooting Agatha Christie's "Miss Marple" franchise with Jennifer Garner in the title role, so says the People.  Okay, even saying "Miss Marple franchise" leaves a weird taste in my mouth.  Do we need to do this?  I mean, it could rock.  Look at Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey, Jr. except of course I trust the dude who did Chaplin much more than I trust the girl from Alias, and I liked that show.

But why stop there?  Down below I have a couple more suggestions for reboots in various media.

Because we started with classic lit, let's hang out there for a bit.  Who wants to see hunky werewolf boy Taylor Latner as The Man of La Mancha, Don Quixote?  We can call it "El Dude from La Valley."  Ooo, or how about Megan Fox as Anna Karenina, or shall we call it "Annie Karen"?  Nope, I got it.  Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical as the title character in "Madam Bovary: The Musical."  Beware falling box office records, cause we gonna smash 'um.

Speaking of movies: remember award-sweeping Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood?  How about we have a prequel called "Totes Forgiven" staring Robert Pattinson as a young William Munny.  The George Burns classic comedy Oh, God! is an easy fit for Dustin Diamond from Saved by the Bell called "Holy Crap!"  Hell, we could have a new young Indiana Jones, too.  All we have to do is call up Shia Labeouf... Wait just one damn minute.

Anyway, on to the small screen to remake some classic TV.  The first up is easy, barely have to change the name: "The Beverly Hills-billies" starring those morons from The Hills over on MTV.  Get the gang back together.  Next is another given:  We bring back the power duo of Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens (after her run as Madame Bovary, of course) as Archie and Edith Bunker to star in "All in the Family: The College Years."  Cannot wait to see how they ruin that classic title song.  Finally, Andy Griffith may have been a feisty, homespun lawyer Matlock that everyone loved and respected, but his nephew has come into town to shake up the family business.  I give you Justin Beiber as "Matt Pop-n-Lock."