Fancy Pants News: These People Be On the Nets for Books and Libraries

So I been ill for a day or so,
so I'll try to be funny all in one go.
Not trying to rhyme,
not all the time.
This is breaking down.
I feel like a clown.
So here's the news, this time I mean it.
Anybody got a peanut?

Singer lady Taylor Swift donated over 6,000 books to- I'ma let you finish I just need a cheap cameo.  Whine, whine, who's got wine?- the city of Reading, PA. cbsnews

A homeless man in the Evanston Public Library threw a chair through a wall after over a banning dispute for behavior. That'll fix it, hombre. Patch

Librarians turned defacement into an art show when play-write Joe Orton's artistic vandalism of library books was put on display.  Well, way to fix the problem.  Got a crazy notion to write your memoirs in library book bindings?  Hey, we may publish that. Guardian

Pace University has commented on shutting down the Henry Birnbaum Library due to bedbugs, saying, "Yep, we got bedbugs." gothamist

Self-published wunderkind author Amanda Hocking is moving into the world of graphic novels with Dynamite Entertainment.  Write on, ya crazy kid!  PublishersWeekly

Children's book illustrator Sophie Blackall has created a book based on Craigslist's "Missed Connections" section.  "You were in red, I had a gimp mask on.  We were on the subway and you really creeped me out by asking if I wanted to pose nude for the delight of children.  I still do." NYDailyNews

Toronto library staff have proposed to cut staff and hours in an effort to appease Mayor Rob Ford's requests that budgets be trimmed.  Next, Toronto police will buy their own bullets and gas and teachers will... hell, teachers got nothing either.  citytv

Library Condiment Vandal Faces Jail Time

When you reach for a weapon, make it Heinz.

An 75 year-old Idaho woman is facing jail time for repeatedly dumping condiments into the public library's book drop, allegedly, this article from The Economist repor-  Stop.  You had me at "repeatedly."

The inappropriately named Joy Cassidy allegedly did this 10 times over the past two years.  Her reason?  She had some "conflicts... with library patrons and staff."  I can see being pissed about a fine, rolling through the book drop and shoving the first thing you see into the book drop.  I myself have found some odd stuff in that box o' love, most of which I take as crimes of passion.  But repeatedly dumping "ketchup, maple syrup and mayonnaise"?  That is the act of someone with too much time on their hands after grocery shopping.  

I can see Cassidy pimping up to the 'drop in her 1983 Oldsmobile, her friend Flo "Sundance" Smithderson at the wheel.  Cassidy leans out, two squeeze bottles of Heinz 57 in her hands.  A splash of red in the noon sunlight across a library sign.  Onward to Bolivia, you crazy bitches!