What Did I Learn In Library School? Computers

After three years and some change, I feel it is time to look back on my time in library school with experienced eyes.  What helped me?  What hindered me?  Have my ideals changed? How has my outlook on the profession changed?  The answers to those questions are: writing grants and cataloging, hours of discussing how to make policy, hell yes, and "They called the library the ship of dreams."  I am half kidding on that last part.  I believe the public library as an entity will always exist in some form, just not the form I enjoyed in my youth.  But that's another topic for another time.  The topic of this week's "What Did I Learn In Library School?" is Computers.  Cue the spooky music!

History
As I learned it so many moons ago, the history of computing goes like this.  Lots of philosophers, either on their own or separately, starting talking about thinking toasters.  A few of them theorized that thinking toasters were a good idea, even sketching out ideas based on how we would make thinking toasters.  Thinking toasters became rage in scifi books and movies.  Then TV came along, and everybody was like, "let's make shows about thinking toasters, particularly from or in outer space."  Then the military along with some other people, made thinking toasters.  Then they let the toasters talk to each other.  Then vanilla mortal folks wanted in.  Seeing pitchforks and torches in their future if the public were denied, the government let them.  Thus, Usenet was born.  Usenet then met with a bunch of tubes, had too much to drink, and nine months later what we know of as the Internet was born.  Since then, Rule 34 has ruled. What I learned about the history of computers in library school is that you do not have to know, nor does it help you appreciate, computers to use them.

Databases
Do you remember that time in your life when the World Book Encyclopedia was king?  Cool full color pictures, even those ones of the body that were see-through and had wee-wees and hoo-ha's on 'em?.  That really neat page that showed the landscape of the moon and had every detail mapped out?  Article after article of interesting stuff to plagiarize for those last minute assignments?  I do.  Well that crap ended about the time companies decided to digitize and allow for easy searching.  And by easy searching, I mean you really did have to be a college graduate in truncation and faceting to find most decent criteria.  Tweens need not apply.  And by the time I got that down, here come da Google, here come da Google.  What I learned in library school about databases was that they are nifty inventions for categorizing data that will soon be eclipsed by the next new technology.

OPACs
OPACs (Online Public Access Catalogs) were once the library's way of saying: "Look at us and how we fit that big cabinet of cards into the TV screen!" Now, they are the library's computers that failed computer camp.  These computers are so slow, ancient, and useless that they can barely operate the mouse.  These computers access one page and one page only: the library's.  That's how it is supposed to work.  Somehow, that little jerk kid with the headphones is still able to access his gmail account.  What I learned about OPACs and how they work from library school could fit between the "A" and "S" keys on one of these ancient machines, right next to the cheeto crumbs and nail clippings.

MARC
MARC (Machine Readable Catalog) is one of the most useful things to learn about libraries, even if that's the only thing you take away from library school.  Using these records is like using a title page; they give you all the info on a specific book, plus often the library's history with the edition.  What I learned about MARC records is that I really like MARC records.

FRBR
I honestly still do not have an inkling about what the hell this does or means.  And I wrote three papers on it.  I may have even used it in my thesis.  No clue.  Not one.  What I learned about FRBR in library school is that I can B.S. a paper on any topic, even at a graduate level.

Torrents
I learned a lot about torrents and file sharing from library school.  Hypothetically speaking, you could say I learned too much.  Hypothetically speaking.  Mostly from an ethics class, too.  I learned some law, too, speaking simply as an observer of technology, not a crazy Pirate from the Bay or anything.  dot com

Linkageddon!

So for today's noon day post, I could not pick just one topic or article that seemed worthy of a full post.  So today (maybe every friday, we shall see) I give you: Linkageddon!

Meet the R2D2 that packs around 10 game consoles and a projector to play them. Drooooollll.

It seems that folk finally found a way around that pesky Bluray protection code. Click me to find out more!

Wanna build a dalek? Or something that looks like one? Go 'head.

The above picture explains this one, but hey, weird.

Science: Ligers are better than tigers and lions put together.

Ever been in a supermarket and wished you could pour yourself a glass merlot without having the hassle of that pesky screw on top?

Graphic Novel's Finest: The Goon!

What more can I say about Eric Powell and The Goon that has not been said?  Stunning artwork, engaging stories, and more wacky, off the wall characters than you can shake a stick at.  But don't shake a stick at it, it may bite.  Any graphic novel collection in any library is only made better by the inclusion of The Goon. Shame on you if it is not already included. Best in the collection is the gritty Chinatown, however it is only given true weight after being measured by the other volumes.  For teens and up.

Eric Powell's Website

High-Five! How to Get Patrons to Like You

I do not know about you, but I wanna be liked by everybody.  Well, sometimes.  Okay, I am lying.  I have plenty of friends that do not ask me to do everything for them.  The way I feel about being liked by the people I serve is kinda like the way I feel about hitchhiking.  It could be fun and rewarding as a person, but also dangerous and I could end up in a bath tub in New Orleans wondering how many kidneys I am supposed to have.  However, if you do want to be liked by the patrons, here's a few tips:

1.  Be available.  Do not forget as a librarian you are there to serve.  If there is no more toilet paper, drop that expense report about how the library cannot afford toilet paper and refill, refill, refill.  Do not expect them to be able to find the Stephen King display right by the front door.  Walk them to it.  Hell, if you can, walk them everywhere like a labradoodle that needs to tinkle.

2.  Known their name.  The most basic tool in getting to know someone is knowing their name.  Know their title, their nickname, their spouse's secret name for them, the name the government refers to them as.  If you can, have someone standing by the entrance to place name tags on everybody.  It will make them feel special that you care.  However, if you can not remember or pronounce Mr. Pryzklestinacki's name right every time, stick with common forms of address, such as sir, sport, captain, and yeoman for men and madam, my lady, sweetness, and yeowoman for women.

3.  Recommend books.  This especially works if you know they already like/have read the books.  Then it seems like you are right on the same page with them.  Remember to smile because even if you personally despise the book so much that uttering its very title is like eating rancid jalapeños dipped in kerosene, they love it and now so do you.  If you cannot withhold your distaste, channel it into back handed complements, such as "That's the best book I have read since that last one I hated."  To keep in time with that, continue recommending other books, hopefully in the same series.  When comparing, use the phrase "only with more" as much as you can, such as "True Blood is like Twilight, only with more vampires!"

4.  Never give them a problem.  A sure fire way to always be liked is to never give a reason to be disliked.  Agree with them around every turn, even if they are wrong.  Do they have too many fines? Fuggit about it.  Do not remember where that book went?  Hell, those run away all the time.  Brought that book back?  We suck at our jobs, of course you did.  One easy test that you are ready to use this method is to say the follow sentence with little to no sarcasm or mocking: "Sure, there's no way you could have seen those teeth marks on the DVD when it was checked out."

5.  Talk to them.  Now, I do not mean really get into genuine debates or conversations with them.  Get into debates where you both agree about the same thing.  That will give them a superior feeling because someone surrounded with books feels like they do.  The best way to do this is to pick safe topics, let them give their point of view, then expound on their point of view with a question, i.e. "I know, babys are cute, but are they also cuddly and smell good?"  Conversations can be done the same way.  Just shake your head knowingly when they stop talking.

6.  Publicly acknowledge them.  Sometimes you genuinely need the public's help.  By help, I mean warm body that can pass out punch and keep teenagers from setting fire to the stacks.  Let us be honest, setting up 20 volunteers in a rotating shift of three minutes each so their attention spans can handle the work is hard, but so is opening a door and greeting people.  So when the time comes, individually name each and every person who helped out, except yourself, of course.  One final note, always end with the eldest person, as it shows respect for their position in the community "...and thanks to Mrs. Voldemort, who sure worked hard standing tonight."

7. High-Five them.  Seriously, it brings a smile to everyone's face.

I May be in Love With Awful Library Books!

More than likely you have all seen this before me, but I just spent about 20 minutes on this site without looking up.  Welcome to my obsessive tendancies, Awful Library Books!  With gems like the one pictured above, how can this site go wrong?  Hit the jump for a few more images.

One of these people has genital her- No, wait, now two of, hold on... yep, all of them have genital herpes.

From the author of Update: Alcoholism and Update: Jersey Shore

But you'll always mean "Yes"

Awful Library Books

And I thought my desk was big...

So when I think library furniture, I think functionality and durability.  Maybe some random wood.  Apparently these people think in terms of books.  Lots of books.  I wonder how many people think this is the book sale?

And here's where I got the goods...

The Booksale: Yes, We Will Throw That Away For You

Ah, the book sale.  For most libraries, it is there only real money marketing venture. Hidden away in a little corner, stacks of the unwanted and unused sit, ready to be plucked at garage sale prices.  But what is actually in that monster pit of refuse and bile?  Well, before you plan your appearance on Antique Roadshow, let's take a look:

National Geographic and Reader's Digest Condensed Books
By far, the most plentiful items you will find in a library book sale are these two.  Why you ask?  Because for some reason, everyone, and I mean everyone from your great-grandfather to your milkman collected these or knows someone who did.  That there are still folks out there willing to continue collecting these items is amazing, yet they sell.  So the next time grandma kicks it (hopefully for the last time), remember your library when you find that collection of National Geographic behind those antique "spoons from around the world."

Library Discards
Does everyone know why the book sale really exists?  It exists because the library cannot contain everything it has ever collected.  Sure things get broken or stained, but often things just do not get used.  So it is out with the old and in with the new through a process called "collection development" or "weeding" or "media-ectomy" or my favorite, "The Buffalo Theory."  So libraries discard* materials and hope to get enough money in a year from them to buy at least one toner cartridge.  Thanks for supporting.

Paperbacks*
Another donated item that rarely gets collected are the paperbacks.  Paperbacks, the bastard red headed mule boy of the publishing industry, are kicked around until they can be recycled into something useful, like toilet paper.  Sure, they have their uses.  They are portable, cheap and come in a variety of colors.  Because of this, though, they do not fit well on shelves and suck when it comes to longevity.  So let us sell the bastard mule boys.

Old-Format Media
Honestly, this is my favorite type of book sale item.  Where else but the public library can you find a laser disc of the first six episodes of Trapper John, M.D.?  You wanna know where?  Ebay.  Other than them? TrapperJohnonlaserdisccausewhynot.com.  Anywhere else?  No where.  And why is that?  Cause most popular media checks out so fast the bastards are ripping it out of your hands before you catalog it.  Libraries jump to stock things that will check out.  When the old format goes away though, what's gonna happen to those Betamax copies of Battlestar Galactica (OS)?  The book sale, that's what.

Handouts, Flyers and Miscellaneous 
What else can you find in a book sale?  Fliers for the heat centered yoga training for your pets? Why not? Handouts from local boy scout troop about spotting terrorists? That's where they are!  That local newspaper that nobody reads but is really good for litter boxes and blankets on park benches when your girlfriend kicks you out for making a pass at her mother? Right over there, Smelly Jim!  A Mouse corpse?  Hell, yeah!  There's TWO!  This endless supply of crap will haunt the bowels of your mind forever.

* "Discard" is actually and old Myan word that means "to make fun of cards"
* "Paperback" was my stage name in college.