So, here's the story: Peoria, IL wanted to expand their library, so they started digging. Turns out, the place used to be an old cemetery, chock full of bodies, like 80+ bodies. I should have saved this one for Halloween, but hey, I am nothing if not current. Here's the short, but full, story.
The real question is why this was such a surprise. When I go digging in my yard, I have to consult with the usual gas and power folks. Was there not a cemetery guy? Because of my intense raised-by-TV upbringing, I also consult a short woman with the voice of a child. I ask all the important questions. Is my garden shed gonna be haunted by the ghosts of Native Americans? Will my weed whacker attempt to take my children into other, grass-less dimensions? Can I fit my riding lawn mower and my push mower in here, or will I have to brace the push mower on the wall? Hellish questions from the bowels of my mind.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Love in the Stacks: The Coffee Break
Carlos and Michelle danced around each other for months. Everyone knew they would get together, it was only a matter of time. It was something they could not shelve. It was... Love in the Stacks
In this book-spine-tingling segment, we introduce you to Carlos and Michelle, two librarians who share a forbidden love. Standing in the way is Enrique, Michelle's past flame and cataloger, and Carlita, the buxom library assistant II that is vying for Carlos's affections. As we begin our tale, Carlos and Michelle enter the break room and meet at the coffee machine...
"Hi, Carlos," Michelle said, as their eyes locked, their gaze holding as one would hold a favorite but very worn paperback.
"Hello," Carlos said, picking up the pot of hot coffee, "Coffee?"
"Oh, Carlos," she said, her hand flying to her chest, "Yes, yes, I would love some!"
"Where is your cup, my dear?" Carlos asked.
Michelle looked around, puzzled. She had set it in the dishwasher only yesterday.
The break room door suddenly flew open, slamming into the wall and knocking pins out of the bulletin board. Enrique strode into the room, his pants just a little too tight to cover the bulge of the item stamp in his pocket.
"Michelle," Enrique said, "Here, I have your coffee cup. I had it... monogrammed."
He held the cup out so that Michelle could see. Her face and his gleamed from within a heart; her name on top, and his on bottom. Her hand held out for it, but then stopped herself.
"Is that? Where was that picture from?" she asked.
"It is from that time we were on vacation. The sand, the surf, the beautifulliness of you."
"You mean the trip to Branson, Missouri? There was no beach there!"
"There was a beach in my heart," Enrique said, "And you, you were the sun! Come back to me, I need you. I am like an OPAC without a server."
"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Carlos said.
"Carlos, stay out of this," Michelle said, "And yes, it was quite lame."
"Yes, Carlos, go fix your computers or whatever it is you do and-" Enrique stopped talking and blinked, "Hey, I thought that OPAC thing was good. My mom said sounded great. I stayed up all night-"
The break room door suddenly flew open, again, slamming into the wall, again, and knocking more pins out of the bulletin board. Carlita glided into the room, her dress the color of old book pages and just as easy to remove.
"Am I... interrupting?" Carlita said. She moved between Michelle and Enrique, taking the cup from his hand.
"Carlos," she said, "Can I have some of that coffee?"
Carlos glanced toward Michelle. He then poured the coffee into the mug. "Cream? Sugar?" he asked Carlita.
"No," she said, "I like my coffee like I like my books, dirty and without the covers."
"I don't follow you," Carlos said.
"I really meant sex," Carlita said.
"Ah," Carlos said.
Michelle then moved between them, taking the coffee cup from Carlita's hand.
"This cup's mine, Carlita. You should remember about touching someone else's things."
Carlita opened her mouth to respond when Enrique then moved between the women, facing Michelle.
"So you like the cup, Michelle?" he asked her.
Carlos then moved between Michelle and Enrique, facing Enrique.
"Dude, chick fight."
"Damn," Enrique said.
Just then Carlos felt a hot, scolding pain on his head and back. Michelle emptied the contents of the coffee onto his and Enrique's heads. With that, the two women stalked out.
Carlos put up the coffee pot, his pain both internal and external.
Enrique stepped on one of the pins that had fallen from the bulletin board. He was caused great pain.
Will Carlos and Michelle ever get together? Or will they choose Carlita and Enrique, you know, respectively? Why is their love forbidden?
...Seriously, aren't they adults?
Eh, maybe its policy or something, I dunno.
...But if that's the case then why would Carlita and Enrique be a threat? Wouldn't they be under the same policy?
Enrique plays by no one's rules!
Then why does Enrique still live with his mother? Dude, you are grown!
Shut up, fancy pants nose man you!
Find out next week in Love in the Stacks!
In this book-spine-tingling segment, we introduce you to Carlos and Michelle, two librarians who share a forbidden love. Standing in the way is Enrique, Michelle's past flame and cataloger, and Carlita, the buxom library assistant II that is vying for Carlos's affections. As we begin our tale, Carlos and Michelle enter the break room and meet at the coffee machine...
"Hi, Carlos," Michelle said, as their eyes locked, their gaze holding as one would hold a favorite but very worn paperback.
"Hello," Carlos said, picking up the pot of hot coffee, "Coffee?"
"Oh, Carlos," she said, her hand flying to her chest, "Yes, yes, I would love some!"
"Where is your cup, my dear?" Carlos asked.
Michelle looked around, puzzled. She had set it in the dishwasher only yesterday.
The break room door suddenly flew open, slamming into the wall and knocking pins out of the bulletin board. Enrique strode into the room, his pants just a little too tight to cover the bulge of the item stamp in his pocket.
"Michelle," Enrique said, "Here, I have your coffee cup. I had it... monogrammed."
He held the cup out so that Michelle could see. Her face and his gleamed from within a heart; her name on top, and his on bottom. Her hand held out for it, but then stopped herself.
"Is that? Where was that picture from?" she asked.
"It is from that time we were on vacation. The sand, the surf, the beautifulliness of you."
"You mean the trip to Branson, Missouri? There was no beach there!"
"There was a beach in my heart," Enrique said, "And you, you were the sun! Come back to me, I need you. I am like an OPAC without a server."
"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Carlos said.
"Carlos, stay out of this," Michelle said, "And yes, it was quite lame."
"Yes, Carlos, go fix your computers or whatever it is you do and-" Enrique stopped talking and blinked, "Hey, I thought that OPAC thing was good. My mom said sounded great. I stayed up all night-"
The break room door suddenly flew open, again, slamming into the wall, again, and knocking more pins out of the bulletin board. Carlita glided into the room, her dress the color of old book pages and just as easy to remove.
"Am I... interrupting?" Carlita said. She moved between Michelle and Enrique, taking the cup from his hand.
"Carlos," she said, "Can I have some of that coffee?"
Carlos glanced toward Michelle. He then poured the coffee into the mug. "Cream? Sugar?" he asked Carlita.
"No," she said, "I like my coffee like I like my books, dirty and without the covers."
"I don't follow you," Carlos said.
"I really meant sex," Carlita said.
"Ah," Carlos said.
Michelle then moved between them, taking the coffee cup from Carlita's hand.
"This cup's mine, Carlita. You should remember about touching someone else's things."
Carlita opened her mouth to respond when Enrique then moved between the women, facing Michelle.
"So you like the cup, Michelle?" he asked her.
Carlos then moved between Michelle and Enrique, facing Enrique.
"Dude, chick fight."
"Damn," Enrique said.
Just then Carlos felt a hot, scolding pain on his head and back. Michelle emptied the contents of the coffee onto his and Enrique's heads. With that, the two women stalked out.
Carlos put up the coffee pot, his pain both internal and external.
Enrique stepped on one of the pins that had fallen from the bulletin board. He was caused great pain.
Will Carlos and Michelle ever get together? Or will they choose Carlita and Enrique, you know, respectively? Why is their love forbidden?
...Seriously, aren't they adults?
Eh, maybe its policy or something, I dunno.
...But if that's the case then why would Carlita and Enrique be a threat? Wouldn't they be under the same policy?
Enrique plays by no one's rules!
Then why does Enrique still live with his mother? Dude, you are grown!
Shut up, fancy pants nose man you!
Find out next week in Love in the Stacks!
Razzle Frazzle Internetz
Okay, seems there's been some problem with the uploading software I use to my hands. Here's some videos. Dance monkeys!
Silent Library at Funny or Die!
Silent Library at Funny or Die!
I Found "Things in Books"
Monday, September 20, 2010
Librarians in X: Movies
Yeah, it has been done. A lot. Probably every librarian with a blog has to write this post. This will be my first look at the librarian stereotype in popular culture, starting with movies. Librarian's in movies (in most media) exist are to tell the hero/audience the information they need to know to continue the story. They are exposition fodder. This list will attempt to give out the best of them. It will not be pretty. No, I will not cover all of your favorite movies. Honestly, I am not even gonna cover my favorite movies with librarians in them. I am simply going to cover the ones that I sort of remember that cover the gambit of the stereotype as I see it. Plus, most if not all are pretty fun to watch. Let us begin:
The Librarian series
Dr. Carter is The Librarian: an Indiana Jones wannabe tasked with finding, collecting, and storing all the mystical artifacts of the world in The Library. The clinch is that Dr. Carter (not his real fake name, his real name is Noah Wyle) uses not his nerve and power to get the job done, but his random knowledge of everything in the universe. Most of the solutions are a bit random and odd, but this series makes for good viewing fun if you find yourself stuck on TNT and your TV is drunk.
The Mummy series
The basic plot of this series is an Indiana Jones wannabe and his librarian sidekick woman slash wife keep raising up ancient mummy people who then try to destroy the world and/or Cleveland. The only reason the librarian in this movie is a librarian is so she can give random information and yell out "I'm a librarian!" in tense situations. I do not bemoan these movies or their protaganists, I just like to turn my brain off every once in a while.
The Music Man
I know three types of people that have watched this movie and will comment on it. The first is the average movie goer, who comments with a veracious "Eh." The second are musical fans, who dub the original 1962 version as one of the best things to hit singing cinema since something that is popular with those people. The third are librarians, who hate the Marion the Librarian cliche with a fire bordering akin to burning at Alexandria.
Party Girl
This independent movie is a fun romp as a goofy party girl becomes a librarianish person. I do not remember too much about this movie except the exceptional acting of Parker Posey and her reciting or saying something about the Dewey Decimal system. Insert snarky joke here. Ha ha! Good times, Good times, rent it and have fun.
The Gun In Betty Lou's Handbag
This little bit of cinema forget-me-not is about a small town librarian (Penelope Ann Miller) who gets the sexy back after having a fun little bit of mayhem and carnage. I think vampires were involved with circus midgets. I am also a liar.
It's a Wonderful Life
Donna Reed plays second fiddle to some dude who hates her life. She's a librarian. She does not fight crime in any way. He promises her the moon, yet she does not bother to tell him that is physically impossible, also fiscally impossible as his whole situation revolves around losing money. Wait for December and NBC or TBS will play this movie over and over.
The Pagemaster
The Home Alone kid breaks into a library after having some type of problem with his home life. After an adventure through the magical world of cartoon books, he learns something important. I dunno. I just remember Doc Brown as the creepy librarian. I think he inspired me to become a librarian. If you can find this movie, maybe you are The Librarian.
UHF
Awesome movie featuring this scene. Nuff said.
A great source for everything Librarian in Movies
The Librarian series
Dr. Carter is The Librarian: an Indiana Jones wannabe tasked with finding, collecting, and storing all the mystical artifacts of the world in The Library. The clinch is that Dr. Carter (not his real fake name, his real name is Noah Wyle) uses not his nerve and power to get the job done, but his random knowledge of everything in the universe. Most of the solutions are a bit random and odd, but this series makes for good viewing fun if you find yourself stuck on TNT and your TV is drunk.
The Mummy series
The basic plot of this series is an Indiana Jones wannabe and his librarian sidekick woman slash wife keep raising up ancient mummy people who then try to destroy the world and/or Cleveland. The only reason the librarian in this movie is a librarian is so she can give random information and yell out "I'm a librarian!" in tense situations. I do not bemoan these movies or their protaganists, I just like to turn my brain off every once in a while.
The Music Man
I know three types of people that have watched this movie and will comment on it. The first is the average movie goer, who comments with a veracious "Eh." The second are musical fans, who dub the original 1962 version as one of the best things to hit singing cinema since something that is popular with those people. The third are librarians, who hate the Marion the Librarian cliche with a fire bordering akin to burning at Alexandria.
Party Girl
This independent movie is a fun romp as a goofy party girl becomes a librarianish person. I do not remember too much about this movie except the exceptional acting of Parker Posey and her reciting or saying something about the Dewey Decimal system. Insert snarky joke here. Ha ha! Good times, Good times, rent it and have fun.
The Gun In Betty Lou's Handbag
This little bit of cinema forget-me-not is about a small town librarian (Penelope Ann Miller) who gets the sexy back after having a fun little bit of mayhem and carnage. I think vampires were involved with circus midgets. I am also a liar.
It's a Wonderful Life
Donna Reed plays second fiddle to some dude who hates her life. She's a librarian. She does not fight crime in any way. He promises her the moon, yet she does not bother to tell him that is physically impossible, also fiscally impossible as his whole situation revolves around losing money. Wait for December and NBC or TBS will play this movie over and over.
The Pagemaster
The Home Alone kid breaks into a library after having some type of problem with his home life. After an adventure through the magical world of cartoon books, he learns something important. I dunno. I just remember Doc Brown as the creepy librarian. I think he inspired me to become a librarian. If you can find this movie, maybe you are The Librarian.
UHF
Awesome movie featuring this scene. Nuff said.
A great source for everything Librarian in Movies
Wanna see something old?
This is the story of Laura Jernegan and her three years at sea on a whaling ship. For history buffs out there this is an awesome find from an interesting source. I encourage you to look at the entire website and check out the journal. (Insert random comedy here) (Pause for laugh here)
Girl on a Whale Ship Journal
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