Harry Potter's Pottermore Attracting Conmen



Be a Gryffindor for $15.50

The Harry Potter eBook site Pottermore has been attracting a lot of attention (as I previously wrote) even though it will not open for business until October.  This has not stopped many, many different hoodwinklers and nar-do-wells from scamming everyone under the sun.  Notices of "subscription fees" and "early openings" have been popping up promising early entry into the website for hundreds of dollars. 

Do not be fooled by this people!  This ain't no "it fell off the website so now we are giving you a discount" kinda operation.  This is the kind of operation that can kill your computer, your credit score, and possibly your pet owl.  Stay away from anyone wishing to sell you early access to Harry Potter ebooks!  I mean, it is not like you can find Harry Potter ebooks on the Internet.  Especially not a torrent file that is a direct scan of the book because finding those would be ridiculously hard.  On the Internet.  With just a search or two and a rudimentary knowledge of how torrenting works.  Can't be done.

[PCWorld]

Vonnegut Library to Give Students Books, Not Take Them Away

I feel like I may have slacked a bit and for that I apologize.  For a website called Banned Library, I have overlooked an important issue that has happened in the past week.  A Missouri school district banned several books, including the classic Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut.  I did give a small retweet on the subject, but that was not enough.  Now I hear that the Vonnegut Library is offering free copies of the book to students of that school and my heart swells.

When I was younger, I had the great fortune and honor to hear Mr. Vonnegut speak.  I was a dumb high school kid with visions of writing the great American novel and yet had not read enough to know who the hilarious and cultured man on the stage was.  I only went because my art teacher gave me credit to give a short review of the speech.  The man on stage drawing on a chalk board and telling jokes changed my life, in how I view books, plots, characters, authors, and the people around me, the audience.  Afterward, I read most if not all of Mr. Vonnegut's books, some I got from the local library and some I scrounged from used book stores.  This man changed my life when I was young, stepped in at the right time and told me what literature should be, could be and was.  I am forever grateful.  I am sorry, Mr. Vonnegut, for allowing this injustice to pass.  Everyone should be allowed contact with your art, your message that the world is a strange, upsetting, hilarious mess. 

To the school district in Republic, Missouri: May you be humbled that while you refuse to teach your children the ways of the world, the world does not give a damn and will teach them anyway.  Please prepare them with our best weapons: books.

"If what Billy Pilgrim learned from the Tralfamadorians is true, that we will all live forever, no matter how dead we may sometimes seem to be, I am not overjoyed. Still--if I am going to spend eternity visiting this moment and that, I'm grateful that so many of those moments are nice."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

Our Books Can Have Lead!

Example: Not gold

Congress amended the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) to include library books as those items we do not have to test for lead.  Any book made before the law was passed will be exempt from testing.  This makes a lot of libraries happy as they can now continue slowly poisoning their patrons with lead-painted books without being hassled by The Man don't have to test their entire collections.

"I think this is a long time coming," said Jessica McGilvray, assistant director for the American Library Association's Office of Government Relations. "I'm thrilled to see they finally did this," she said. [LibraryJournal] 

That was a PROBLEM?!  I have been around library books all my life, and just now I learn that they may or may not have lead paint in them.  I eat those books!  I feed those books to children!  Snack time will be ruined forever, all thanks to some goody-goodies that can't stand a little lead in their diet.  This is going to kill our metal-agriculture market, as laid out by the 2008 documentry Tropic Thunder:

Dumb IE Users Fooled by Fake "IE Users Are Dumb" Study

A study was sent out over the weekend from a fake company called "AptiQuant" that said those that used Microsoft's Internet Explorer had a lower IQ of those that used Mozilla's Firefox or Google's Chrome browsers.  The people that put out the fake study (internetz denizenz) have come forward to agree that, yes, it is fake.  What a relief.

Hey, I got an idea, why don't we see what else IE users will believe? 

You are a Winner [blink, blink, blink]!  

Click here and leave your social security number and we will get right back to you with a free iPod mini-shufflePhoneBox. 

[Fake Study]
[ComputerWorld]

The Public Library Vs Netflix: DVD Battle Royal

The time has come, the public library and Netflix square off in a battle of epic proportions.  I wish I did not have to do this, just like the time I gave forks to my twins Eli and Manning with only one plate of spaghetti, but I am going to do it.  Who can give you the best service for your viewing pleasurability? 

While the public library and Netflix prepare, here's the rules:  There are no rules.  Each will compete in 6 categories; Cost, Selection, Wait Time, Loan Time, Online Availability, and Helpfulness.  Whoever wins this battle will be crowned Emperor of DVDs and the other thrown into The Pit of Shame.  Or not.  Depends on if the Pit of Shame is available.  

Cost: The Public Library

The Public Library don't cost you nuthin'.  Well, except the taxes, but you had to pay them anyway so you might as well take advantage.  Netflix will always cost you something, from their lowest streaming only plan to the 50 DVDs at once or whatever.  Oh, Netflix gets a low blow right from the get go as The Library raises its fist in triumph!

Pictured: Triumph

Selection: Netflix

Netflix comes back with a vengeance with however many titles to choose from on both DVD and streaming.  The Public Library falls short here, only having what the library could afford to buy cause they gots to worry about other things like books.  Boo hoo.  Netflix gives a round-house kick and delivers.

They changed into skirts for that one.

Wait Time: The Public Library

The Public Library has what Netflix does not: Location, giving it firm footing from which to kick Netflix square in the junk.  Netflix goes down again as you have to wait a whole business day to get the movies you want.  Netflix tried to fight back with "Well, what if what you want is gone? What if somebody checked out what I want? Mew, mew, mew."  Then you can pick something else up immediately and not have to wait.  The Public Library might not have what you want, but it's got something.

Here's a little something.

Loan Time: Netflix

Netflix was angry after that assault on its wait time and came back with its most devious of powers: unlimited loan time.  Sure, you keep getting charged for each month, but with the unlimited wait time your kid could watch Toy Story to infinity and beyond.  The Public Library, whatever its incarnation, requires you to have the items back so that someone else can use them.  With that pansy logic, Netflix flexes its hardened groin and screams into the night.

Primal Scream and Groin Flex, Yo.

Online Availability: Netflix

With a primal scream, Netflix pounds at the Public Library with a stream of movies from anywhere you are.  Found on most gaming platforms and smartphones, Netflix just does not give its opponent any room to breathe.  The Public Library attempts to fight back with services much like Netflix, but they cannot compare with the titanic amount of movies and TV shows Netflix has available.  Netflix using its streaming attack to fly at The Public Library and knock it to the ground.

I Believe I Can Fly!!!

Helpfulness: The Public Library

The Public Library comes into action by giving Netflix a steel folding chair of helpfulness to the face!  Netflix may be hurt by this one, folks.  Yeah, Netflix allows you to pick and rate movies you want.  Yeah, it gives suggestions about what you may like.  But it is cold and lifeless.  The Public Library wins the Helpfulness by being flesh and blood, caring and kind and always there to listen.  The Public Library cares why you want a movie, not just getting it to you as fast as possible.  The reason to watch something can make the difference between two hours of blah and a cheering family night of fun.  The Public Library smacks down Netflix again, then helps it up as we check out the results.

The Public Library does not kid about chairs to the face.

The Winner: Tie!

By this totally arbitrary scale, yes, neither won.  To be fair, if you have the money Netflix is a good service and the public library is always available.  In short, this contest should not be.  It is a silly dramatization of a pointless debate.  If you read this looking for a clear winner, then I am sorry because you must under or overvalue your public library's ability to serve.  I might as well have compared the public library's WiFi to Starbuck's WiFi.  Private companies will always do certain things better, but libraries will always have the advantage of being an integral part of a community.

Let's Turn Pound Puppies into Pound Scholars

A Texas library has begun a program to help children learn to read and make animals more sociable.  Who watchsit, you say?  "I Read to Animals" is a joint project of the Got Paws? animal rescue group and the Longview Public Library. They read to the animals.

 I think this is just dangerous.  My house cat Jersey is already pretty uppity.  I can not imagine giving him the works of Shakespeare or Thoreau or god help me George Orwell.  Last thing I need is for him to get halfway through Animal Farm and start getting ideas.  And heaven's to betsy if he ever gets on the Internet.  No, I'll keep Jersey simple for now.  All he will know is that the outside world contains only thunderstorms and tornadoes cause that's the only time I take him outside.

[News-Journal]

Should Library Employees Be Held To a Code of Silence?

A Michigan library employee is suing for wrongful termination after being fired in 2008 for writing a book about her experiences in the library with unpleasant patrons. This brings up a question: do we, as librarians, have the right to talk about our job experiences in public?

I have not read the book in question.  I have, however, seen many books, blogs, twitter accounts, and videos that discuss both the joys and hardships of being a librarian.  A great deal of these librarians hide in the anonymity of the Internet.  I myself stay relatively hidden as I make my snarky comments.  Do I fear losing my job?  Not really, but I do worry about undermining the integrity of my position and the confidence of my patrons, which is ironic considering how much trouble a few of them can be.  I protect you so you can yell at me.  Heart swells.

At the same time, I do not remember ever taking a vow of silence.  Sure, I will protect your secrets to the best of my ability, but you don't get to walk into a public building and expect privacy.  If I say something dumb to the guy at Walgreen's and it shows up on NotAlwaysRight the next day, then I should have watched what I was saying.  The basic law of librarianship is the same as medicine, "Do no harm."  I will give you the best information possible from the best sources possible.  If you act like a jerk about my help, I need to have some place to vent or I might as well hand in my library decoder ring before I go crazy and start chucking bestsellers at people.

Now, what I promise to always do is vague it the hell up.  The problem with "ole-miss-write-a-book" seems to be that she allegedly did not cover up her patrons enough when she wrote her "fiction."  Again, I have not read the book so I can not give judgement on the matter, but crazy don't have color or age.  You can spin that person who stole the first page out of 20 books around to look like your eighth grade math teacher and nobody would know the difference.

So that's what I have... I reserve the right to write.  I like it.  I can, on occasion, be good at it.  I promise not to embarrass anybody that is not directly related to me.  I cannot do anything more than that.

Here's her book
[ChicagoTribune]