Things I Want Out of Pottermore

J. K. Rowling's website Pottermore has begun accepting willing souls to sacrifice... their time.  After a rather complicated Quill search thing, many people were allowed to register for the site early, including people that were not me.  Because I have been denied entrance to this hallowed land (and the theme park... Harry defeats Voldemort and he's a hero, I defeat him and I get tossed on my ass and arrested.  Don't mix your butter beer with tequilia), I will now speculate on what Pottermore contains.  Caution: It has been several years since I read the books and a month since I slept through the last movie.  Plus, I am trying to be sued by Rowling to gain national attention... There, I said it, I want the Banned Library reality show on the air as soon as possible.

Hit the jump for the things I want to see in Pottermore
1.  Hot Dumbledore on Gindlewald action
2.  American wizards from the 80s, did anyone have Miami Vice robes?
3.  Examples of actual hog warts
4.  Salem Witch Trials and Their Affects on Wizard Poetry
5.  At least one example of a Muggle who does not give a shit about magic
6.  Hogwarts Math, English, or hell, even PhysEd class
7.  A wizard kicking ass at a regular sport
8.  Some kink (everybody's all like "They're innocent children's books" where folks fuckin' DIE!  Let's get some magical hocus pocus, if you know what I mean.  I mean sex.)
9.  Magic vs. .45: I wanna know how well the Elder Wand is against a Colt.
10.  Harry Potter and the Convention Circuit

Give me your two cents: Comment below, tweet @bannedlibrary using the hashtag #pottermorewants or email evan@bannedlibrary.com to share yours!

This Week in Book News: I Don't Have Time to Write

Amar'e Stoudemire, captain of the New York Knicks, has plans to write children's books.  Yep, just like Michael Jordan turning to baseball, Stoudemire is moving from the high pressure world of basketball and into America's favorite past-time: thinking they have a good book idea.  Hell, I'm still trying to get "Banned Library and the Temple of the Monkey Ninja Farmers" off the ground. BET

Daniel McCracken, the guy who literally wrote the first bestselling "How to" computer book, died two weeks ago.  We give an homage to him with this post, as the news has come out much too late for anyone to do anything about whatever problem may or may not have been associated with his death.  Have you tried turning your McCracken off and turning him on again? TheBulletin

Richard North Patterson has released a revised ebook version of his book "The Devil's Light" in the wake of Osama Bin Ladin being killed with the alleged terrorist/bastard now dead.  This marks the first time a published novel has been re-written in ebook form to reflect global news.  This is why you never name anything after a living person, folks.  There is always the possibility they could disgrace themselves and/or die and then where are you?  NYTimes

Amazon is cracking down on people publishing crappy books.  I did not care enough to finish the article.  arstechnica

Google Buys Motorola Mobility, Does What It Does Every Night

For 12.5 Billion United States Dollars, Google has set forth plans to purchase Motorala Mobility.  With this purchase, Google will give itself weight in the cellphone wars by claiming over 17,000 patents as well as put forth a platform to design and implement a stronger line of phones.  Google representatives claim they will not run the company and keep it as a separate business. Wired

Yeah, I believe that.  Two years, in two little years we will all be buying Googarola phones and sticking them in our skin, marking ourselves for the beast before they condemn us to the information purge.  Or there's gonna be some kick-ass, cheap phones a'comin.  Allz I know is 2012 is around the corner and John Cusack has not been seen in weeks.

Google Plus Books and Games Equals A Bad Blog Title

Who the hell wrote this?

Google+ announced this week that not only can you beg your friends to join the new social network service, but you can play games and share books with them while they are not there (yet). 

Kinda like a GoodReads, Google+ now allows you to integrate the Google Books ebooks you are reading with members of your circles.  Add in the Huddle feature and bookclubs are sure to get even more awkward as I always forget to read the book until the night before.

Zynga Poker, Dragon Age Legends and other games are soon/now to be available on Google+.  Match scores and stuff with your friends, or something.  I honestly can't imagine gaming like this but then I just got my Steam account and it rocks.  If Google goes more Steam and less Farmville then you can count me in like Flynn.

ITProPortal     LATimes     G4Feed     NECN

Airplane Joke

Still testing, here's another joke:

Three guys are in an airplane flying high over a major city.  One has a cigar puffing away, one has a dog barking, and one has a baby crying.

The flight attendant has had enough.  He walks over, grabs the cigar from the man's mouth, opens the emergency door and throws it out.

Cigar man, outraged, grabs the dog and throws it out the emergency door.

Dog man, livid, grabs the baby but before he can throw the child out the door a brick smashes him in the face and kills him.

Brick Joke

Brick Joke

Sorry for this random post, but I seem to be having trouble with my feeds and may send out a few for testing.  Here's a joke:

Three construction workers were standing around a work site one day having lunch.  The first looks at the other two and says, "You guys are worthless.  I bet 10 bucks I can throw a brick higher than both of you."
The other two take the bet and gather three equal sized bricks.
The first guy leans way back and throws his brick.  The brick goes up and over the tallest crane at the construction site.
The second guy leans way back and throws his brick.  His brick goes up and over the skyscraper next door to the construction site.
The third guy leans way back and throws his brick.  They never see the brick land.

Get it?!

 Airplane Joke

Google Books to Deal with Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys

French publisher Hachette Libre has agreed to allow Google Books to scan tens of thousands of their french language books. The deal comes after years of work by Google to get U.S. publishers to scan their materials since 2005.

Hachette said it will make these e-books available to the Bibliothèque Nationale de France as well as other libraries to "contribute to the advancement of French culture." PCMag

 So, Google, could not get what you wanted here in America so you saunter off to be with your French hussy, huh?  I get it.  Good for you.  All the best things are French.  Maids.  Kissing.  Fries.  But when I think technological revolutions of the modern age, I don't think France.  This is a place that will not allow new words to be created without Frenching them up.  That in itself is backwards, having to use old rules on new things.  Hell, Google, don't worry with the scanning.  Just hit the translate button and go about your day.

I have to point out that I have been to Paris and greatly enjoyed my time there.  The people were kind and supportive of the goofy American kid on holiday and I hope no one is offended by the whole "cheese-eating surrender monkey" thing.  The title of this post is a gentle jab because, quite honestly, that is one of the best phrases in the English language.  Just say it out loud without smiling.  I dare you.