LoC and French Swap Digital Film Collections

The Library of Congress and the French film archive plan to share digital archives of video footage of each country talking about the other. 

One can only imagine what indecipherable films about America the French will send to us.  Here's a treatment for any french director out there for a future project: A red, white and blue balloon floats through a vineyard, bobbing up and down within the rows of grapevines.  Suddenly a pin flies from the darkness below, but the dull side hits the balloon.  Another pin flies up, but the same reaction.  Then a clown hits the balloon with a fish and announces that "The Mighty has fallen."  The balloon the bounces into a crowd of monkeys dressed in Revolutionary War soldier garb.  The balloon continues bouncing until it lands in the hands of a child dressed as the Statue of Liberty.  The child stares into the camera and pops the balloon.  Fin.

Library of Congress, French film archive swap digitized movies, TV programs ... - Washington Post

This Is Barnes & Sparta!

The retail bookstore Barnes & Noble announced this week that it will not sell books published by Internet giant Amazon.

The brick and mortor store has finally drawn a line in the sand, kicked the messenger down the well if you will.  But did they think about it?  Did the giant make the right move, pissing off an empire that extended their hand in friendship?  I doubt it.  Not only did they just give Amazon exclusivity to their own content, but they also went forward with an idea that people NEED bookstores now-a-days.  One only has to look at the fate of Borders to see that this is not completely true. 

I do salute these brave warriors, though.  A bold move in an ever increasingly violent environment. 

But I really hope the small Mom & Pop bookstores that the larger chain almost put out of business see this as a rally cry.  The little guys can now give exactly what the big stores can not: a personal touch with items they want.

Barnes & Noble won't stock books published by Amazon in stores - Los Angeles Times

Deer Occupy's Library

In a scene not anything like Deer Hunter, a deer crashed through the front window of a Washinton, D.C. library, suprising the hell out of everyone, including itself.  It proceeded to hang around, wild as hell, until local authorities were able to tranqualize and subdue the animal.
I can only assume the deer was attempting to protest deer propaganda in films like Bambi and books like The Yearling where deer are seen as complete wussies that are to be shot.  The deer could not be reached for comment.
Deer Crashes Through DC Library Window - Norwich Bulletin

Newspaper Discovers Exciting RFID Technology

The Cumberland Library System near Fayetteville, NoState has instituted a remarkable 30 year old technology to keep track of their books.  I do not want to make it out like this is not a big deal for them (the tech costs a lot as well as man hours to place all those stickers), but the linked article makes it sound like this is a magic trick preformed by David Copperstein. 

You place the books on the mat and the computer knows what they are?  Burn this witch palace to the ground! 

What's this?! The librarian's handheld telephone talks to space? Truly this is a place of wonder...

Cumberland libraries use high-tech radio technology to check out books - Fayetteville Observer

Library Tortures Quilt

The La Grange Public Library is taking donations to restore and hang an elderly quilt that refuses to die.  Personally, I think this is gross and wrong.  It is not like you would do this to your grandma.  Make her look all pretty and then hang her up on the wall for all to stare at. 

Well, maybe you would if she was stitched out of some vintage concert t-shirts.  And stuffed with feathers to make her both warm to lay on you and comfy to sit on.  I miss my grandma.

Library Seeks to Save Historic Quilt - TribLocal

Seattle Library Allows Man to Be Glowered to Death

So the debate continues as another library allows a man to watch porn while others look on and glower.  Despite complaints, the library upheld the man's constitutional right to information and be creepy, even though other people did not want the man to be creepy.  When asked, the man said, "Hey, if porn were bad they wouldn't put it on the Internet, right?"  The library denied to comment through psychic connection.

Seattle library lets man watch porn, despite complaint - Seattle Post Intelligencer

American Civil War Part II: Upload Wars

The architect of our doom.

The law-dogs in Washington (which is near Seattle) proposed two bills on capitol hill that would allow websites to be blocked if they post stuff that other people claim is not their stuff.  These bills (SOPA and PIPA, which stand for other words) alienated the Internet community thing and people were mad.

Pictured: SOPA, an asshole douchE.  FIRST!

People were so mad that they went back into the past and formed companies called Google and Wikipedia.  They made these Internet companies become really popular by giving away free information and services so that when the time came for the bills to be protested, January 18th, 2012, they could shut down or post stuff to highlight the things.

Pictured: Google, Wikipedia, other websites and the Internet behind them.

Then came the day after the time for the bills to be protested, January 19th, 2012ish.  The website megaupload.com was shut down for the main reason that these bills were proposed.  Then came the small collective Anonymous, who was really really mad, so they started hacking and hacking until they could hack no more.

Pictured: Anonymous hacker people

The fighting escalated after that.  After the government raided the offices of all the big banks and sank their ships and bailed them out, the whole country started what was known as a "flame war" but what is now known as "American Civil War Part II: Upload Wars." The fighting continued until the mighty American States of United Way was destroyed December 21, 2012.  Then we all got spaceships.

Evan Banned, III

History report for Ms. Habisham's 12th Grade English Class

January 24, The Future

Sources:

Wikipedia, Jr.

Cracked.com