Old Ass Sex Manuals! Bells! Swing Classes! More News!

200 hundred and thirty year old sex manual goes on sale in the UK. It comes with a free pack of 200 year old condoms and a copy of Debbie Does Stratford upon Avon.

Israel's National Library has released Afghan manuscripts found in a cave in Afghanistan that reveal the presence of a Jewish community in that area around the 11th century.  The Afghan documents will be on display later this year on the back of a couch.

The Library of Congress has a lot of tweets.  170 Billion, to be inexact.  They don't know what to do with them.  They will not let researchers see them.  End of story.

The Madison Public Library has announced they are taking over the Wisconsin Book Festival.  Boom.  Deal with it.

A man donated a bell to the Rostraver Public Library.  It has historical significance to a cannon factory in the area and is in honor of his mother.  The library had asked for the video game Assassin's Creed 3 but pretended to like the bell bunches after being prodded by its mother.  The library's mother said later that it will appreciate the gift when it was older.

Swing classes are now available at the Clinton-Macomb Library for ages 18 to 29.  Sorry, 30 year olds, you don't get to look like jackasses.

The Eugene Public Library is recording patrons to use as the voice of its automatic check-in service.  Except for that one kid who kept saying, "Welcome to the Eugene Public Fart. Place farts here one at a time. Fart you."  Little jerk.

The North Carolina State University's James B. Hunt Library has a robot that retrieves books for you.  The robot declined to comment on the amount of stress in its job.

You Might Be A Librarian If... #librarianstress

Yesterday I participated in the twitter hashtag #librarianstress, a hashtag that started ironically as a backlash from a CNBC article that named “librarian” as one of the least stressful jobs on the planet. I participated in the mocking of both this article and the people who took it as a serious threat of our (librarians) position because I am the kid in the back of the class that enjoys making his friends laugh at uncomfortable subjects. Others, they had their own agendas. I cannot speak for them.

Here are the facts as I see them:

1) The “article” (more of a slideshow presentation) was attributed to Tony Lee, publisher of CareerCast.com. While Mr. Lee may have some influence as a public relations person, I see no peer reviewed or academic evidence he supports in his “findings,” nor as I went down the rest of the list did I see “random guy from second rate career website” listed as a “least stressful job of 2013.” I assure you, I did as much research in that search as Mr. Lee seemed to do and used the same criteria as he did, including “low pressure and warm fuzzies.” I can only conclude that Mr. Lee is under some degree of stress and getting no fuzzies.

2) The primary reaction in the library twitter community (including and chronicled in the excellent article from Rita Meade in her Screwy Decimal blog) was near immediate. Outrage that “librarian” was once again being stereotyped and marginalized in the vein of the spinster look or the sexy seductress in glasses was the immediate reaction. With good reason. The opportunity to have such a blatant “look at the cute little librarian” is not one that any advocate of libraries should pass up. Where the light is shining, stand and speak.

3) The secondary reaction came in the form of jokes. The hashtag #librarianstress was created (credit: homance ladies) to give an exaggerated view of the “stresses” librarians live through on a day to day basis. Another platform, another voice. Not wrong, not right, just another reaction that proved popular. So popular, in fact, that it soon became a national trend on twitter as the persons from the outraged group began using it. The fun of a satirical hashtag being used for real purposes is not lost here, nor was it there. It was at that point that I began pretending to be fictional librarians because, well, the next logical step was to use things others had just made the hell up.

4) Finally, nothing changed. As of midnight the night the slideshow was published, no retraction has been printed, no apology has been made, and we begin the weekend with a few belly laughs, some hurt feelings, and little else. Maybe some beer or wine. Whiskey to comfort sore throats, let’s not be picky. It is cold outside.

All this because of some guy from some website.

Here is what I believe:

Public librarians are under stress, now more than ever. Underfunded, understaffed and outmatched by technology as it increases daily, the public library is, in the definition of stress, under a “constraining force or influence.” People want more than ever before, and public libraries are able to give less. Instruction on technology, ebooks, books, magazines, whatever, these all cost money and there is no money to give and only a few properly trained individuals to pick the best ones when money is available. That is stress and it comes from both sides. See, the public library is the public. When the people are stressed, when the library is stressed, the mirror is there. The reflection of a library on the people it serves and visa versa can be painful and at times unbearable. From someone who has served for nearly a decade, this can wear someone down very quickly. Throw in a disaster or two, personal or otherwise, and the stress builds. Do not discount that.

Okay, here’s the part where you might want to put the kids to bed, because I am gonna use some strong language.  Some statements made on twitter today got me pretty mad. You have been warned.

“My [whoever] is a doctor/surgeon/nurse and if he messes up someone dies. That’s stress. Librarians don’t have stress.”

Fuck you. Yeah, I know nobody has ever died by a direct result of my actions or in-actions (that I know of, I am still relatively young) as a librarian. I applaud and in no way discount the acts of anyone in the medical or other field that puts their lives and other's lives in their hands.

But I know what I have done. I am not a teacher, but I have taught more impromptu English, history, computer and science classes than I can count. I am not a lawyer, but I have given out reams of legal forms and information. I am not an accountant, but I have gone through every tax document that is on record. I am not a police officer, but I have aided in the arrest of some deviant individuals. I am not a social worker, but I have sat with battered women and children. I am not a doctor, but I have waited for ambulances. I am not in anyway qualified to provide psychiatric counseling, but I have listened to hundreds, maybe thousands of stories of hell, from refugees of disaster areas to elderly patrons just wanting to talk. I am a librarian, I am accountable, and I have been under stress in my job more than once.

I am a librarian, and I am one of the least in the profession. Other librarians have done so, so, so much more than I ever have or will and have done it with more grace and dignity and given their patrons the same. And they bear all that stress gladly. To them, I say thank you for your service and hope you are too busy enjoying your career to read this.

What Can I Say? A Bunch Happened. LIKE NEWS!

The Upper St. Clair Library is offering classes on healthier eating.  The Lower St. Clair Library is offering classes on stealing candy from blind old people.

Puffin unveils a Doctor Who themed book series.  When asked, the Doctor replied, "I'm a fictional character, I don't give a shit."

A winter pruning class is being offered by the Woodland Library Rose Club.  Who knew you needed a class to get dried out and wrinkly?

Greenville librarian said in an announcement the decision to ban Alan Moore's graphic novel Neonomicon was not made lightly but instead while standing on their heads and then getting up until they felt that "whoa" feeling.

The Hillsborough Library will host a program about the Titanic with actual artifacts and involving guest speaker Ishmael "The Iceman" Iceberg.

Books donated by St. Paul's Episcopal Church to School 6 in Buffalo, NY will be blessed before the donation happens.  Students commented this is not the first time they have received books with shit on them.

Redding, CA must allow leafleting in "free speech" areas, including public libraries, a judge decides.  Steve "The Hobo" no last name given has already started turning out his leaflet, "Why I'm Standing Outside the Library Instead of Showing You My Junk Inside the Library: A Hobo Story. By the Way, Look Down, That's My Junk."

Read this article to make your Google Play ebooks not sound like shit.

New York Donatin', Cleveland Renovatin' and Detroit Collectin'

The New York Public Library and the Central Park Conservatory each got a check for $10 million dollars from the estate of Mary Bailey after her death in February 2011, Fox News reports.  When asked what they were going to do with the money, NYPL staff said they were "going to Disneyland" and Central Park mumbled something about "trees and shit."

Cleveland area library Chagrin Falls will receive a $1 million renovation to the exterior and the interior of the facility.  After receiving the funds, Chagrin Falls will be changing its name to Pleasure Falls and instituting an overall dissociation with Cleveland.

The papers of Coleman A. Young, Detroit's first African American mayor, are set to be cataloged within the Detroit Public Libraries collection.  The papers were vetted by Young before his death in 1997 and have been awaiting cataloging for years.  The young archivists detailed for the assignment marveled at the amount of "paper" and wondered if Young had ever sent a text or an email, like, ever.

Charities, Alan Moore Banned and Bedbugs: Week of Dec 2 - Dec 8

www.childsplaycharity.org

First, I want to tell you about two charities that do awesome things for children in hospitals.  The first is Child's Play Charity.  Set up by the creators of the webcomic Penny Arcade as a way for gamers to give back, Child's Play donates millions of video games, books, and other items to children's hospitals all over the world.

http://www.kateskart.org/ 

The second is Kate's Kart, a similar charity that focuses on donating books to children's hospital and promoting literacy.  Both of these charities are remarkable and I encourage you to support their efforts in providing hope, love and maybe a little distraction to those that need it the most: sick kids. 

Okay, sorry, but I had to get that out of the way.  Here's the quick news: 

Rumor has it that the University of Chicago is campaigning to become the Presidential Library of Barack Obama.  Time was we would build a new library to host the presidential what-nots, but I guess using any old thing will do.

The Library of Congress has released over 1,600 color photographs of World War II era American Society photographs.  Too bad none of them have anything to do with what the American Ninja Michael Dudikoff or the dhampir Bloodrayne were up to.

Birmingham, AL area has made the news twice.  The first time was when the Homewood Public Library started a series of events aimed at educating the public on a variety of topics including Medicare and ghosts while the Birmingham Public Library was focused on a program about fashion.  I do not know about you, but when I think about going to Alabama, the only things I can think about are how good I feel, how good I look, and what happens when I die.

Juliet Machie, former librarian at the Detroit Public Library, has sued the library commission for campaigning to stop her being promoted.  The most damaging campaigns came in the form of text messages that were aimed at her accent.  Now, sheeet, I don't know bout y'all, but that's fucked up.  They gotta see bout that.

The Cobb Public Library System in Georgia spent 13 days with slow Internet speeds.  A number of patrons lost thousands of fake dollars in fake Farmville crops as the browsers just would not refresh.

The graphic novel Neonomicon by Alan Moore was pulled from the shelves of the Greenville County Library System in South Carolina after a mother of the 14 year old reader challenged the book.  The book was in the adult section of the library and checked out on an adult card.  "Ahhh!  I made a mistake and now my child has questions and everybody has to pay for that injustice!"
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Over 500 historic photographs are now on display at the Washington State Library of the Nooksack Valley area.  I just wanted to write "Nooksack Valley."

Bubba Gump Partners With Destin Library.  All in the title.  Thanks, Florida.

Magazine giant Cosmopolitan and romance publisher Harlequin have teamed up to form an ebook partnership.  No mention if they are going to go after the Batman with separately themed traps or combine their powers to defeat him.

The Marathon County Public Library in Wisconsin unveiled an aquarium this week.  Cosmo and Harlequin have begun making plans to install sharks with laser beams as we speak.

Marisa Anton of New York pleaded guilty this week to pursuing sexual advances with a sixteen year old boy under her charge as a school librarian.  Damn those sex crazed librarians, know what I mean?

Bedbugs found in University of Washington's library books are being frozen off.  The bedbugs will be defrosted sometime in the year 2050 after they are needed to fight the super-criminal Wesley Snipes.

Library Employee Charged with Credit Card Theft

"A former Des Moines Library Foundation employee is accused of using the organization’s credit card to steal money.  Stephen Haider was arrested Monday and charged with first degree theft and unauthorized use of credit cards. Both are felony charges."

Why can't people understand?  If you are going to steal from a library, there are much easier ways to do it.  Like everybody everywhere does all the time.  Just check out a bunch of stuff and turn it around on eBay, like normal Americans.  Plus, if you have the inside ticket, stay away from the damn credit cards.  

I mean, think about the children.  Whatever that means.

LIBRARY THIEF: Former Employee Charged - WHOTV.com:

WHOTV.com

LIBRARY THIEF: Former Employee Charged WHOTV.com A former Des Moines Library Foundation employee is accused of using the organization's credit card to steal money. Stephen Haider was arrested Monday and charged with first degree theft and unauthorized use of credit cards. Both are felony charges.

Casey County Library Gone Batshit

After a storm damage last July, the Casey County Public Library had to shut down.  The library continued to be closed, however, because of a bat infestation that lead to a severe build up of guano.

"Guano." Aka "bat shit."  And I'm not talking about Lindsey Lohan, either.  Although wouldn't that be awesome?  After Frankenstorm, several libraries closed and I think it would be awesome if LiLo went rogue and was found hiding in one of the abandoned buildings encased in her own "guaLo."  Make for a great headline, anyway.

Casey library set to reopen after 'bat-astrophe' - Central Kentucky News:

Casey library set to reopen after 'bat-astrophe' Central Kentucky News But the real reason behind the library's extended shutdown is a bit more fantastic and spookier — bats! More specifically, bat guano that had accumulated in the storm water was unleashed, causing potential contamination that has required a lot more ... and more »