Don't Worry About the City Council, Google Might Close Your Library Down

Businesses across the nation have found themselves permanently closed due to misinformation on Google Places, Google's answer to the Yellow Pages.  Due to a "report a problem" bug, anyone can label any business found on Google Places as "closed."  If the information is not corrected, Google will place a "permanently closed" mark on the business, effectively taking the business off Google's local search. NYTimes

With all the news about libraries closing, I did not think we needed help.  This scares the crap out of me.  Think if your disgruntled patrons found out about this.  One fine on a book the "mysteriously" vanished under a car seat and you get wiped off the information super highway.  Of course, I guess it beats the tips on the Banned Library Places page: "Nonfiction is a great place to spy on chicks" and "Tell Nicki in stall #3 that you saw this tip and get $5 off a dime bag."

Seattle Library Closes for a Week

WiredNewYork

The Seattle Public Library has had the unfortunate tradition for the last few years of closing for a week at the end of  summer.  The reason behind the closure is the savings of about $650,000 of the city's budget for library operations.  This tradition follows the recently completed decade-long $290 Million project that revitalized the library system. NYTimes

Now I know that these workers are not getting paid for their "week off" but I think this should be a national event.  You want "National Library Appreciation Week?" How's about "No Library So See How Bad You Miss Me Week?"  Of course, that back-fired for my ex-girlfriend so maybe we just don't hire anybody when Betty from Circulation retires.

Detroit to Lose Libraries, Lions Next?

He'll check out your library...

Six of the 23 branches in the Detroit Public Library system may face closure after March layoff's leave the system stretched too far thin.  Detroit News reports:

"These are very difficult times," [executive director Jo Ann] Mondowney said. "We have not taken this lightly."
Mondowney said commissioners knew closures could be recommended once staffers analyzed the impact of layoffs. She said they stretched staffing to get through the summer reading programs.
"This is in response to the reduction in work force," Mondowney said. "We made it through the summer. We said we'd have to come back and adjust."

No shit.  Really?  "We fired a bunch of people and now we can't stay open.  Durrr.  Whoops, we thought we would open more branches with the money we would save on staffing.  Guess we made some fudge in our pants."  

It gets better, back in April they proposed closing up to 18 branches because someone messed up the math.  Yeah, bookkeeping and shit.  I assume these people have degrees in something and not just half partnerships in their brother's used car lot.  Hell, that would at least be something.  I would like to envision a world where library directors fire people and then fudge the books in an elaborate money scheme to set up used car lots.  Only in Detroit, am I right?  Hell, let's go all out and say it was all a plot to take down the Detroit Lions and move them to Cleveland in a goofy Major League sequel.  Charlie Sheen would be all over that.

25 Reasons to Close Down Your Library

Action Figure Not Included

Sometimes you just need a day off, yet you feel you need a reason to close down, to justify the tax payers expense verses that one crazy person who might complain.  Here are 25 reasons to close down:

1.  Snow Day - tried and true, in three feet of snow no one can blame you for closing

2.  Power's Out - In the Digital Age, without power to light the monitors you may as well give up.

3.  Not Enough Staff - Even on the prettiest of days everybody else can decide not to show.

4.  Dangerous Animal Loose in Library - Two words: rabid wolverines.

5.  Bookworm Infestation - Also gives you the chance to cloth the library in a circus tent.

6.  All the Books Are Gone - Not as unlikely as you would think.

7.  National Holiday - Nothing like President's Day to sleep in.

8.  Invented National Holiday - Nothing like Day after President's Day Sale Day to sleep in.

9.  Spontaneous Holiday - Nothing like Teenager Checks Out a Classic Without Being Forced To Day

10.  Director Has a Boo Boo - Generally only works if you are the director.

11.  Ghosts - More likely to work if library was built on Indian burial ground.

12.  Simple Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole library can get the flu.

13.  Supernatural Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole town can become zombies.

14.  Apocalyptic Illness - Yep, sometimes the whole world can be decimated by plague.

15.  Stigmata - Really anything to call the church in for, but blood especially.

16.  Global Apocalypse/Rapture/Ragnarok - Think of the rush in the 200s.

17.  Internetz/Facebook/Twitter Is Down - see #16.

18.  Spontaneous Human Combustion - If people are burstin aflame in the library, no one is safe.

19.  You Must Beat the Last Boss on Halo - Gamerz 4 Lif

20.  Building Implodes Due to Indian Burial Ground - Possible consequence of fighting #11

21.  Catalog Becomes Sentient, Attempts to Catalog Staff - You are either "kill" or "be killed"

22.  Exestential Crisis Stemming from a "Print is Dead" Argument - self explanatory.

23.  Crazy Person Attacks Staff - Real tragedy is the ticket home.

24.  Exestential Crisis Stemming from a "Paul is Dead" Argument - self explanatory.
25.  You Just Wanna.