Google Combines Digital Libraries into Google Play

Google yesterday combined their Books, Music and Movie stores into one big market for Android called "Google Play."  This consolidation of services hopes to rival such entities as Amazon and iTunes.

Well, poopie, there goes my productivity.  I felt so productive every day, checking for deals at each section but now all that is lost.  Just one website?  Man, I won't know what to do with myself.  It's like they moved a Wal-mart right in the middle of my library.  This just breaks my soul at how unbusy I feel right now.

Okay, this article sucks, but they all can't be winners.  I'm watching a spider crawl on my coworker right now.  She is oblivious.

Where Google Is Going With 'Google Play,' New Online Store And Library - TPM

Top Whatever of 2011

The year is done, a day is past, so it is time for a little reflection.  What really blew my socks off this year?  What did I come into contact with this year that impressed me a whole bunch?  Now, I agree a bunch of awesome stuff came out this year, I just didn't see it all.  I got shit to do, ya know?  So these lists are all the stuff I experienced.  And I will admit right off, this is my personal experience and not everything in this article may have come out this year, this is just what I enjoyed.  Disagree? Let me know in the comments or go out and write your own.  We all love lists.  Lists after the jump.

Top Stuff I Read

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher
I love Jim Butcher and the newest Dresden Files book will always be on my best of stuff I read list.  Deal with it and fair warning for next year.
Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick
Any listener to the Nerdist Podcast has at least thumbed through this book.  I found it informative and an enjoyable read that taps into what makes my mind tick and motivated me to change some things in my life.
Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan
In my view, I enjoyed the Percy Jackson books more than Harry Potter.  Not to say they were better, just that they were more fun, slice and dice adventures that I could relate to in my little brain.  Again, I love the Potter but for my money these books are great.

Top Movies I Watched

[Note: I didn't go to the movies much this year, but these are the ones I really liked enough to remember.]

Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
I really get a kick out of a good horror film and when Netflix suggested this little beauty on disc I just had to try it.  And IT ROCKED.  The release for it was tiny and the promotion was next to nothing, but this movie is one of the more inventive comedy/horror films you will ever see.  At worst you could call it an American "Shaun of the Dead" sans zombies.
Captain America
Best popcorn flick I saw with decent effects that made me really want to see The Avengers.  Chris Evans really surprised me as the square-jawed, apple-pie eating Cap.
The Muppets
Did for the Muppets what Rocky Balboa did for the Rocky franchise.  Songs so good I bought the soundtrack (except for one, cough, Cooper rap, cough) and a basic fun that brought me back to my childhood.  Modern kids won't get it and I could care less.  It almost isn't for them.

Top Shows I Found

Community

I was late to the party on this comedy and have been kicking myself all the way through the box sets.  Well written, funny and engaging, I absolutely love this series.
Leverage
Another late to the party show for me, Leverage is two parts A-Team, one part Oceans 11, shaken and stirred in a way that just drips cool and fun.  The plots can get a little predictable, especially if you watch all 4 seasons in a row like I did, but the characters and acting more than make up for it.
Once Upon a Time
When your girlfriend suggests the two of you watch a show about fairy tales, you smile and nod and inwardly groan.  Then Snow White pulls a damn broadsword on the Evil Queen and you hope this series lasts forever!  Cleverly told and plotted, I hold this up to one of the happiest surprises I have had since I smirked at Buffy all those years ago.

Top Digital Time Suckers

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
What can I say that has not already been said about this game?  This is one of the most engaging titles out there and I just... Go play it.
Batman: Arkham City
You are Batman.  Gotham is a prison.  Shit's going down.  You stop it.  As the goddamn Batman.  You had me at Batman.
Portal 2
This is why I don't review video games.  I pick the most awesome ones I can find and tell you they are awesome.  Play Portal 2.  You will thank me.

Top Long Form Aural Ear Candy

Thrilling Adventure Hour
This podcast fills me with joy.  After years of listening to interviews, comedians, and others talk about random shit that made me laugh, here is fiction.  Serialized radio plays that are both funny and highly addictive.
Nerdist
The interviews are both funny and deep and the guys dicking around make me wanna call my friends.  Cannot say more without going back and re-listening, but then I would never finish writing this.  Enjoy your burrito.
LiberryCast
Ever been the librarian at the party that just trumps everyone else's work horror stories with one tale of library craziness that happened just last week?  That's the LiberryCast.

Top Short Form Aural Ear Candy

To be honest, I'm not much of a music nerd.  It just does not fall in my wheelhouse.  So I looked back on the digital stuff I bought over the last year and my most listened to tracks.  Here you go, in no particular order:
Sara Watkins
They Might Be Giants
She & Him
Social Distortion
Me First and the Gimmee Gimmees
Flogging Molly
Colin Haye
Rancid
Weezer
Cheap Trick

Top Serialized Paper Picture Books

[Note: Comics are another area where I am lacking.  Nothing has really grabbed me this year but the following and while I have a decent supplier for my crack, he can't always get the quality stuff.  Plus, I have been lapsing and not reading as much as I used to.  Kinda sad, I do love them so.]

Justice League
The reboot of the DCU excited me.  I picked up several titles such as Action Comics, Detective Comics Batman, and a few others, but this one is the only one that really grabbed me.  I still read the others, but I guess I just like a team book.  The art is not that bad either.
Ultimate Spider-man Reboot
Another reboot that I really was dreading (Make Mine Marvel), but I really fell for this book.  Ultimate Spidey is what got me back into comics years ago and killing Peter Parker sickened me a little.  But Miles Morales is a good choice for the next angsty, teenage spider-kid.  At least he's not a clone.

Top 140 Characters or Less

[Note: This isn't even scratching the surface of all the Twitter folks I love, especially the Awesome Librarians.  I made a list of those.  If you aren't on that list, let me know.  These are just three that I happen to adore.]

Steven Weber @TheStevenWeber 
Who has two thumbs, starred on Wings and sends out the craziest tweets imaginable? This guy.
Joe Hill @joe_hill
One of my favorite authors and a damn informative dude.
T J Miller @nottjmiller
Comedian and actor, Miller is one of the oddest cats with a handle.

So that's what I got for 2011.  Not all, but most.  I didn't include blogs because most of them are either included here, linked to from their twitters, or just too numerous to name.  Thank you everyone who read my drivel over the last year, both on the blog and on twitter.  You have no idea how much this writing helps me.  I plan to post more often, continue the Banned Library fiction, maybe make some videos, and continue not going slowly insane with public service.

I also want to thank the site That Guy With the Glasses for providing hours of entertainment, some of which lifted my spirits when I really needed it.  They might not ever read this but every contributor to that site has made this year a happy one.

Finally, I want to thank one special person who I should thank more often for the love and support she gives me.  Love ya, darlin, and I promise not to lay on the couch like a bitch.  (She'll get that.)

Let me know in the comments if I missed something or if you have any thoughts on any of the above.  If you have any story ideas or just want to contact me, tweet to @bannedlibrary or email evan@bannedlibrary.com.  Thanks again.

Top Ten Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen!

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Exhibit A

Welcome to The Top Ten Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen by Banned Library for the Worst Movies Ever! Blogfest.

Oh, how I love a good bad movie.  Gore, schlock, random nudity, bad characters and dialog that allows my friends and I to become the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and pop jokes off at the screen.  I love those movies in a dirty way.

But then there are other movies.   Movies so pretentious, over done or just so horrible that you say, "What the fuck is this shit?"

I did not include any sequels or remakes on my list.  That was not part of the Blogfest rules but something I added because I feel a bad sequel or remake is a particular form of bad movie.  A bad sequel, like myself, can be seen as inferior because it is compared to its greater, older brother.  I want these movies to suck on their own merit, not in the shadow of others.  I also have great luck in avoiding bad movies, so this list does not include such gems as Battlefield Earth or Norbit. 

So here they are: The 10 Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen.

 

10. Vanilla Sky

I put this movie on the list for a definite reason: Cameron Diaz.  She wrecked this movie like she wrecked that car.  But she is not alone in the suckage that is VS.  Cruise acts his way into a paper bag and the plot is as forgettable as it is twisty.  The only part I remember liking about this movie was Kurt Russell.  Okay, maybe naked Penelope Cruz, but that was before you could see her naked in anything.  A too-long, boring movie about a guy that does not like his face.

9. Magnolia

Oh, holy hell, how I wanted to like this movie.  I remember renting this with my roommate 10 years ago and having to pay extra because it came on two VHS tapes.  Yeah, that was just the start of the night.  Then, half way through we take out the first tape and excitedly discuss what we had seen and what it might mean and we put in the second tape and blah.  Just blah.  Beautifully-shot, well-acted and quotable as hell, but a bore-fest that fell flat in every way as it reached the end.

8. Batteries Not Included 

 I hated these little robots.  I was about six when I walked out of the theater and pronounced this the worst movie I had ever seen.  Note at this point I had loved Back to the Future, Transformers: The Movie and Secret of NIMH, so I knew what I was talking about.  Cocoon meets E.T. with some B.S. added in takes this movie out of charming and into banal.

 

7. The Island of Dr. Moreau

To hell with this movie.  Yes, I was watching this movie as part of a bet that I could stay in the mall from opening to closing (14hrs), but even I almost walked out of this endurance test of a movie.  The makeup was horrible and borderline grotesque, especially on an overweight and over-indulged Marlon Brando.

 

6. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter  

 Little back story here:  My friend and I had this movie as a running joke for 2 years before we finally tracked down a copy.  We walked into the video store and as I reached for a copy of Buffy Season 4, I heard my buddy say, "Say... Do you have independent titles?" Then he asked the clerk if she had this movie.  Apparently, someone had ordered it, but never come to claim it.  I now know why and my buddy has attempted give this movie away no more than 12 times.  Here's the plot, in case you almost want to see this:  Jesus Christ is brought back for the rapture, but before that he has to kill all the vampires who are killing lesbians to wear their skin so they can walk in the sun.  He does.  The end.  This is the only movie I have ever said would be better with nudity, because at least then there would be something you would like to see on the screen.

 

5. The River Wild 

 This is the first movie I ever walked out on.  Plot? According to IMDB: "Meryl Streep takes on a pair of armed killers while navigating a spectacularly violent river."  Here's a little tip, if a great actor or actress is in a wildly dumb premised movie, don't go see that movie.  Unless it has Nicholas Cage.  Only Nick Cage can pull that off.  I will see any movie with a plot that starts, "Nicholas Cage..."  He is the only actor alive that can navigate those waters.

 

4. Cool World 

 This Roger Rabbit on crack might as well have been filmed while it was being drawn.   Nothing about this movie is enjoyable, from the erratic acting to the poor animation.  When Brad Pitt is your straight man against an animated Kim Basinger named "Holly Would," you did something wrong, movie.

 

3. Hostel 

 This movie has everything I hate about these so-called "horror" torture porn movies.  #1, Scary is not the same as grossed out or uncomfortable.  I do not have the fear that weirdos will kill me for sport if I go to another country.  I DO have the fear that a shark will eat me if I go swimming in the ocean (thanks, Jaws.) #2, I have to like someone if you want me to care when they die.  Why is that hard to understand?  #3, If a death is on screen and you don't care what I think about the person dying, make it memorable.  I've watched Freddy, Jason, and others kill lots o' folks and had a good time doing it because it was meant to be fun (slashers are more comedy than horror).  If I want someone to die in a realistic way, I will watch your mom's wedding night video, Eli Roth.

 

2. Garfield 

 I hate Mondays and Garfield.  I heard "Bill Murray as Garfield" and was there.  Then I walked right the hell out of the theater, the second of only three movies I have ever walked out on (River Wild, this one, and the next one).  Milo and Otis had better CGI than this.

 

1. Catwoman 

 Fuck this movie.  Last movie I have ever walked out on, only movie I ever walked out on twice.  I walked back in, saw Berry licking milk or Sharon Stone in plastic face or something and walked right back out.

Honorable Mentions

I include a few honorable mentions because there are movies I hated based on either the pretention involved or the mis-use of the license but do not consider them among the "worst movies I have ever seen" if only because I had a good time watching them.

The Wall - Good in arty way but I can not sit through it.  Even on the best liquid LSD I ever had, I still disliked this movie.

House of 1000 Corpses - A re-tred of Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels.  There was no fun in this movie to be had, but the gore and characters were very 70s/early 90s horror, which I can respect.  Plus I hated Halloween remake but I can not talk about that movie because it was a remake so I am venting my frustrations on H1KC.

Twilight - I took my exgirlfriend (who was totally on Team Edward) to this moive.  She got very mad at me for laughing during the entire thing.  We broke up.  I regret nothing.  This movie and book series is a horribly awful phenomenon which would have been on par with Airplane! and Not Another Teen Movie if it had meant to be a comedy.

Bebe's Kids - They should die, not multiply.  There are very funny bits of this movie centered around a horrible cast of unlikeable assholes.

Spice World - This craptastic movie came out in a very sensitive part of my childhood.  They had boobs.

Hollywood Librarian Screening Tour

The Teaneck Public Library in will host a screening of "The Hollywood Librarian: A Look at Librarian's in Film" Friday as part of a lecture tour the film is making.  The film explores what it is to be a librarian, the stereotypes one faces, and the everyday life.

"Interviews with actual librarians, intercut with film clips of cinematic librarians, examine such issues as literature, books and reading, censorship, library funding, citizenship and democracy. For the first time, we see and understand the real lives and real work of American librarians who for decades have been a cultural force hiding in plain sight." NorthJersey.com

Can I say I love that they used the term "actual librarians"?  "I'm not a librarian, but I play one in that one movie that was made about librarians."  I applaud the making of this movie and its message.  It is rare that the library community gets a big screen shout-out without a scowling face and kung fu shushing motion.  Part of me really wishes this was a silent movie, though.

New: eBook Soundtracks AKA "Foreign Films"

I read the whole thing!

Start up company Booktrack has created a way for ebooks to have soundtracks added to them as you read.  Here's a quote from the company's co-founder and CEO Paul Cameron:

"It's difficult to imagine a movie with no soundtrack. Yet, until today, the technology did not exist to synchronize music and sound within an e-book.  Tens of millions of commuters around the world listen to a playlist that's disconnected from what they're reading -- perhaps a sad song with an upbeat story. Now they can replicate a movie-like sound experience and fundamentally transform their reading experience."

So there you have it.  Books should be more like movies.  WTF?!  This technology and the ideas Mr. Cameron presents are the dumbest things I have ever heard.  Does he even know the difference?  Does he understand that music is an effective use of mood and tempo in movies but because people read at different speeds it can be f#%king annoying if the wrong background crap is going on while you try to read?  If I want to have the experience of "reading" with a soundtrack, I'll rent an un-dubbed foreign film.  If I want building chase music as I read my comics, I'll put that crap on my own damn self.

And I know what you are thinking: If you don't want it, turn it off.  Turn down the volume.  That's not the point.  The point is I should not have to be told when reading a book if the tone is happy, sad, scary, whatever.  That's the writer's job.  If a book sucks at conveying emotion so much that it needs a soundtrack, that book should be taken out and shot.

Although I guess it would help out Twilight a bunch.  I imagine a bunch of Benny Hill chase music and EVIL music when Bella speaks.  She is easily the greatest villain ever created.

Booktrack          SFGate

Facebook Renting Movies

Like the Matrix, dude.

Warner Brothers has tied with Facebook to rent movies over the social network reports Hollywood Reporter..   The first movie, The Dark Knight, is up now for $3 in Facebook Credits, whatever those are.  A little Netflix envy, eh, Facebook?

Over at Galleycat, they are wondering if this will lead to ebooks in the future.  I have a better question:  What if this kills us all?  Think about it, if the Social Network plays on Facebook, the whole universe might just blow right the hell up!  And do not try to fill my head with your blah blah physics, this stuff is real people!  Wake up and take the red pill and face your fears for judgement day for it is upon you, suckas!