Get a Book with Your Shots

In San Diego, a partnership between national literacy groups and local health centers will allow children receiving booster shots to get a book.  That is certainly a way to promote literacy, through health and pain.  Oh, your arm hurts?  Here's some Curious George.  You will not ever get measles, mumps or ruebella?  How bout some of the doctor, Dr. Suess!

This joke fell apart.  Hell, it was never together to begin with.  This is a worthy cause.

Check out the article here.

Image from here

English Government Pulls Funding, Hope

Not today, little Alfie

Showing that good ole American spirit, the English government pulled all funding for three book programs, Bookstart, Booktime and Booked Up.  The programs enabled young children access to reading materials by gifting books from as early as newborns.  This type of good old ignoring the children is just what can bring this world together, as libraries and schools are facing tremendous budget cuts.  It is about time the truly non-profit, just-doing-it-to-make-the-world-a-better-place organizations get their lumps in, too.  Go on, big government, teach those kids that reading does not matter.  Maybe they will figure it out by themselves.

Guardian article here 

image found here

Bush/Graham Book-signing Breaks into Re-telling of "It's a Wonderful Life"

Seen here: Bush as Jimmy Stewart, Graham as Mr. Potter, and Bushette as Donna Reed

Earlier today, people pushed their way into the Billy Graham Library to get their book signed by the former president and hang with him and his homeys.  What they did not expect was the entire dais to erupt into a perfect, scene for scene adaptation of the now beloved Christmas classic, "It's a Wonderful Life."  The entire scenario ended abruptly when President Bush forgot his lines, causing Dick Chaney to run into the room dressed as Clarence and shoot Graham in the face.  When asked why he did so, Mr. Chaney said he thought the minister was a bird who was attempting to overthrow the former president's housing loan business.   Graham is doing well in the Billy Graham Hospital where several buckshot were removed from his hair.

photo from here, but it is Fox News so don't bother

6 Library Holiday Party Games

That time has come when the holiday party is upon us.  Do you want another weak year of everyone standing around, talking about work and staring at each other?  Is the DJ just Brenda from reference putting together her greatest Celine Deon hits collection together?  Forget all that and break out some party games to spice up the atmosphere.

Just remember not to eat the ornaments.

Here are six games guaranteed to have people still talking after the new year:

1. Dirty Santa
The oldies still work.  This easy to play game takes just a wee bit of preparation and participation from the staff, but is sure to lead to loads of fun.  The gist is simple:  everybody brings a wrapped gift of low value and places them in a pile.  Everyone takes a number, one to however many people there are.  The person with number one chooses a gift and unwraps it.  Then number two can choose to steal number one's gift or choose a new present.  If the gift is stolen, the person it was stolen from picks a new, unwrapped gift.  The game continues, the next person in line stealing any previous opened present or choosing an unopened present.  When everyone has chosen or stolen, the first person in line gets to choose either to steal from anyone or keep his or her choice.  Beware:  Game may lead to hurt feelings and possibly an old lady hitting you with a cane when you "steal" her waffle iron.

2.  Bobbing for Bestsellers
This game is an old classic with a library twist.   New books not in circulation and old discarded books are piled in a bin.  The trick is to reach in blind-folded with one hand and pull out one of the new books.

 Think less apples and water, more books.

Everyone gets three turns, with prizes awarded to fit the pulls:  3 new books is a good prize, 2 new books is an okay prize, 1 is a not so good prize, and 0 is no prize.  Beware:  Know that you are giving participants potentially heavy and lethal weapons when things do not go their way. 

3.  Pin the Bookmark on the Administrator
PBA is pretty simple, especially if you have an admin staff that can take some beatings.  Set up is pretty easy, just get a large picture of an administrator, put a tack in a book mark, designate where on the administrator the mark should go.  Playing is also easy:  Blindfold the participant, give him/her the bookmark, spin them around a few times, aim them and let them go.  Whoever gets closest wins.  Bonus if you can somehow get a real admin to stand in without resorting to wimpy velcro or stick tape.  Beware:  Game may lead to admin retaliation in the New Year in the form of loss or gain of hours, public service time, etc.

Think long and hard about that "overtime" you asked for.

4.  Spin the Book Cart
For those more with a more "frisky" library setting, here is spin the book cart.  All you need is a decent amount of alcohol, a book cart, and some librarians who like smoochin.  Everyone stands in a circle, the book cart is spun, and whomever the cart points to has to kiss the person who spun it.  Bring chapstick.  Beware:  Game may lead to unwanted feelings displayed, especially by Betty in circulation, and the spread of cold sores as well as mono.

Spreading love and VD for 30 years...

5.  7 Minutes in the Stacks
After all that alcohol, Betty from circulation is starting to look pretty hot, eh?  Time to break out 7 Minutes in the Stacks.  Using the same setup from Spin the Book Cart, players instead of kissing have to disappear into the dark stacks for five minutes.  Whatever happens in the stacks, stays in the stacks.  After 7 minutes are up, the rest of the staff that cares comes and finds what you are doing.  Beware:  Betty is a tiger.  Rar!

Somewhere down there is a recipe for love... lets find it together.

6.  Library Fight Club
The time for f*&king around is over.  The alcohol is gone, Betty is no more fun, and God help you, Brenda from reference is starting to look good.  The time has come to get out some aggression.  Here are the rules for Library Fight Club:
a. Only talk in Library Fight Club.
b. Only TALK in Library Fight Club.
c.  If someone cries, or bows their head, the fight is over.
d.  Two staff members to a fight.
e.  Dear God keep your shirt and shoes on.
f.  Fights will go on as long as they have to.
g.  If this is your first night at Library Fight Club, we can talk about it.

Let's get it on!

Images
party pic here
apple pic here
old lady pic here
donkey pic here
book cart here
dude pic here

I... I Give Up: Farmville for Dummies

Yep, I give up.  Both as a librarian and as a reader and as an author and ... hell, I just give up.

This guy does better commentary.

Ask a Crazy Librarian: How Many Licks Does it Take?

Question:  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a sucker/lollipop?

I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!

Answer:  According to the Food and Drug Administration, the Environmental Protection Agency, NAMBLA, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, I am completely wasting their time asking this question.  Well, NAMBLA seemed to care for a second, but the North American Miners Bowling League Association just did not seem like a credible source.  So I am forced to pursue other avenues.

Wise Old Owl

The first place I went looking for answers was to the wise old owl that lives in my tree.

Owl intelligence increases when you put an arrow on his head and wires in his eyeballs.

I started by asking him straight out, but he did not seem to give a hoot.  Then I threw the sucker at him.  It hit him in the wing.  He let out an ungodly screech that pierced the night and, I dare say, my very soul.  I dove toward my sucker, plucking it from the ground.  When I looked up, his eyes bore into me, burning my core.  I ran into the night.

My Grandpa

Next, I went and asked my grandpa, cause he really liked sweets when he was alive.

Grandma said grandpa is the little one!

He did not say much.

Yahoo Answers

Just after I posted my query to Yahoo Answers, I was given the immediate answer of "First!" I assume that means that it only takes one lick, but without verifiable evidence I doubt suckerman69's answer.

Tootsie.com

Because the Tootsie Roll company first posed this question about their famous "roll pop," I decided to pay their website a visit.  Low and behold an answer that made sense was found!  It seems such prestigious institutions such as Purdue University, University of Michigan, and Swarthmore Junior High School have conducted independent studies with inconclusive results stemming from wildly varied results. This is after Purdue and UM used machines and SJHS just started licking. Real science, people.  Check it out here.

Forget Hogwarts! Take the train to the school that licks!

Conclusion
I have found that suckers make owls mad, dead men not talk, Yahoo Answers suck, and junior high schools compete with universities if the stakes are high enough. I also learned that we as a country should just enjoy our suckers and stop questioning them.

Images:

Headstone pic here

Owl pic here

Purdue pic here

Sucker pic here

Silent Rave in The 'Brary

Funny video of a Silent Rave.  Dance Party!!!!