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| So last year. |
Kids are thinking, "Reading, woo hoo. You mean if I read for six straight hours I can get one of those weird Chinese paper yo-yo's that break after a second? Awesome." Parents are thinking, "Can't you just make one more macaroni banana cozie so mama can farm her watermelons on Farmville?" And librarians, well, we stopped thinking. Autopilot has stuck in and we are all reflex, "Book there. Please stop run now. Who want hear tale of cat and hat?" The librarian brain also has a cool Russian accent.
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| I'll pause while you re-read that last bit and say, "Moose and squirrel," to get the accent right. |
Summary
Yeah, this may be the least inspired choice due to its sudden popularity, but that's why we get it out of the way first. In "Go the F(moon)k to Sleep," author Adam Mansbach tells his small child to slip into slumber land with rhyming vulgarity. Hilarity ensues.
Why read this?
This book does not talk down to children. Hell, it talks right at them. More books should give this message. Other titles in the series could be grow with the children, including "Money Does Not Belong in your A$$" "Stop Saying S@#t on the Internet" and "Don't F(moon)k the Neighborhood Boy In My House."
Summary
"Joined at Birth" is the life story of two children that... If you need the explanation then stop right here and go hit yourself over the head with a dictionary until your eyes bleed ink.
Why Read This?
This book totally teaches children that if there is a God (s)he is a sick mo-fo with way too much time on his hands. It also illustrates that mankind will, when faced with diversity, stick our middle fingers into the heavens and live out our lives as long as we can. Or as long as the antidepressants keep on truckin.
Summary
"It Hurts When I Poop!" is the thrilling story of a young man, a dinosaur with purple spots, and a raging hemorrhoid problem. Together they learn six uses for Preparation H, why you should not brick up your bathroom, and how to love again. I think. The cover says it all.
Why read This?
Kids need to learn young that they are mortal. My own father had the same type of conditioning toward me and my sister. He called it "Poke Grandpa with a Stick."
Summary
"I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much" is about a childish view of the effects of alcohol on an adult who worked all day to provide for his family and when he comes home from two jobs is so tired he falls asleep in the chair, beer in hand.
Why Read this?
Some children need to find out the hard way that alcohol is awesome, sometimes more awesome than they themselves may be. I mean, I know like ten kids who were created by alcohol, but not one child that can brew me a keg.
Summary
"The House that Crack Built" is about a little Polynesian girl named Crack living in Chicago who inspires a community to build a house for her impoverished family by making everyone play "The Glad Game" in which they find the good in everything, even cocaine, naming the new substance "crack" after the awesomely happy little girl. I think. I stopped reading a while ago and am just going on pure instinct. You go, you little minority Pollyanna! Watch out for cars and stay happy! Crack fo life!
why Read this?
Because anyone can build a house, but it takes a special little girl to build a house on drugs. Kids need inspirational messages like that because drugs are cool and will get them accepted in college. Start young, not smart.
Summary
FTW. For. The. Win. All the way. The book is titled "The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories." I do not care if this is for kids, it looks like it should be and that counts. If you have the cajones to story time this bad boy, I bow to your librarian badassery. Your book cart runneth over.
why read This?
Dude, LESBIAN HORSES! I did not even know there were horse romance stories, much less homo... wait... is it still homosexual if it is a horse? I guess so. Eh, words. Although "equusexual" sounds kinda... there is no real way to end that sentence without sounding weird.
It sounds nice. There, now I am the weirdo for saying what we were all thinking.
Twitter me the word "#equusexual" if read all the way down to here.
*The author and website of this post assume you are not crazy and will not actually read any of these books at any event where children may be separated from their parents or a responsible adult.
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if you really want to bolster your library's video game street cred. Noire is a solid example of where video games are headed. Duke Nukem Forever is our adolescent past, pimply, lanky, and without any class whatsoever.
Britannica has launched a service called Britannica Digital Learning that gives students and libraries access to ebooks from the Britannica Library. 
DC Comics has announced that they are starting over the numbered order on all their main superhero titles in September. So, if you know a dumbass with some money you can sell 
Glenn Beck, here-forthwith to be known as "The Devil," announced just a couple of days ago that he will be partnering with Simon and Schuster to publish more crap under their fiction/nonfiction print Mercury Ink. Anybody else realize that mercury is poison and would probably not make the best ink?