Comcast Not Crediting Hurricane Irene Victims?

At least for one resident, Comcast has confirmed that they will not be crediting people affected by Hurricane Irene for Internet, phone and cable service.  Comcast representatives stated that the storm has been named an "act of God" and therefore will not be held responsible for services that some people still do not have.

I have a couple of thoughts:
1)  Comcast are a bunch of dicks if this is true.  Well, in my experience they are anyway, but this is extra dicky.
2)  I had no idea the whole of Comcast was that religious.  While I can see individual members being religious, the idea that the whole company working that way and in charge of my information feed store scares me.  Especially if they go to the Chick-Fil-A model and close down services on Sundays.
3)  I survived Hurricane Katrina.  I lived 120 miles from where it came ashore and it was still classified a hurricane when it passed within 10 miles of my apartment.  (If that does not sound that close, look at the images of hurricanes.  They are kinda big things.)  I might have been drunk, but that was one tense freaking night.  The neighborhood rooster was lost (long story).  The next day was a war zone and people immediately got to work cleaning up the fallen trees.  We got power back in about a week, later for those that lived farther out of town.  We got credited for everything.  Lesson: if you have high speed Internet and a hurricane a'comin, surround yourself with rednecks with chainsaws and see how fast things get done.
4) I really want to end on a good note, so here is a story where a library is/was offering power to people.

The Prepared Speech

In every librarian's life, one must create The Prepared Speech. Despite the name, there are multiple prepared speeches, from the "I am sorry that book is not in" to the "Yes, you must leave the building during the fire alarm." I hope to show you a quick and easy method of creating a prepared speech in just, eh, a few steps? How many is a few anyway? It could be several, I dunno. ON TO THE STEPS!!!

1. Determine the Meaning of the Speech. Just what are you trying to tell the listener? The message of your speech must be succinct and to the point. Cut any confusing terms or jargon from your speech. If possible, make the speech one long sentence that wraps around itself to verbally beat the message into the patron's head. Ex. You bring book back late make computer mad it give you wallet-pain cause you bring book back late.

2. Think about the Target Audience. Who is it you are trying to reach? The Meaning can greatly determine the audience, and vice versa. Is it a snotty boy testing boundaries? Is it a feeble old man with no boundaries left? Is it the crazy cat lady whose boundaries are marked by the scent of her feline companions over every item she returns? As you approach the person, tailor the speech to them and their sensibilities. And always remember to call big tattoo covered biker dude a he and not a she.

3. Fight the Urge to be Right. We have all been there. You are in a position where the patron argues up and down that they have returned all their materials and that page stuck to their shoe was torn out when they got there. You have paperwork, print-outs, surveillance footage, signatures, and Melvil Dewey as an eye witness. They are dead to rights wrong, and yet, so are you. Respectfully, acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and the library is happy to eat the fines and wasted effort and property loss. All because you realize that the place you work, your livelihood, is the biggest pile of matches in the whole city and this may be the person to finally light the fuse.

4. When in Doubt, Bring Up Authority Figures. At some point, even after giving in to all the demands you can, some arguments have to be held onto. A danger is present that is more important than one single patron's personal vendetta: several other patron's personal vendettas. This patron has been talking on a cell phone while ignoring a screaming baby and eating something smelling akin to old socks in a dryer. Now it is time to go legal, bring in the director, lawyer, cops, fire department, National Guard, the FBI and possibly zombie Abe Lincoln himself to deliver a Four Score and Seven Brains Ago bureaucratic ass-whoopin.

5. Have Several Stopping Points In Case of Emergency. Finally, last but not least, plan stopping points in your Prepared Speech. You never know how long it may take to convince the other person to leave the library, and many things can happen in the meantime. Heart attacks, blind fits, hurricanes, fires, and infestation of locust may break up what would otherwise be a five minute "this is how it is" treatment. Plan accordingly.

We hope that you have enjoyed this small yet helpful look at planning Prepared Speeches. For more on this topic, see someone who gives more of a damn. I just work here.