7 Jackasses That Lead To the Demise of Modern Libraries

A recent article pointed out that the academic library is no more.  It has passed on.  Ceased to be.  Libraries have expired.  Bereft of life, they rest in peace. Their metabolic processes are now history, kicked the bucket, shuffled off their mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible. THIS IS AN EX-CAREER!

So sad.  But we as librarians should have seen this coming.  History tried to tell us this was the way, but somewhat ironically for those that chronicle history, we did not not listen.  Hell, history even tried to halt these psychos all together by stopping their immortality, but librarians did not see until it was too late.

Hit the jump to see the one's who doomed us all.

1.  Ptolemy (I, 323–283 BC; II, 283–246 BC)
With the creation of the Library of Alexandria, this guy (or his son) stole knowledge from the scholars and merchants of the time and decided all on his own to place it in one of the greatest depositories of knowledge of all time.  The notion of collecting information has never really been a new concept, but this grand, government-sponsored project spelled the beginning of the end for the modern library.

2.  Johannes Gutenberg (1398-1468)
With the creation of his "moveable type," Gutenberg (no relation) took the power of the written word away from the rich and the clergy and put it in dirty, lower-class hands of the poor.  This mass production of books created cheaper and more quickly-made reading materials, spreading information faster than ever before.  Somebody should have kindled a fire underneath him.

3.  Charles Cutter (1837-1903)
Oh, here's a rich one.  Charlie Cut here decided that the library was too haphazard a place and started just lumping things together into a formula that would be used to form the Library of Congress cataloging system.  Then, he took over a little public library and, like the Zach Morris of his day, he started in on silly schemes such as creating early bookmobiles, theorizing inter-library loan systems, and letting the public roam free in the stacks.  He even wrote a little article where he predicted the OPAC. If he had had his way, he would have a "Max" in every lobby, too.

4.  Melvil Dewey (1851-1931)
From the ashes of a goofy name comes Melvil Dewey, or "The Dew" as the girls called him.  This micromanaging ball of fun formed not only a more simple way to subjugate knowledge to human control but the idea of an association of information professionals that could standardize information management procedures.  Oh, he didn't do all that on his own, Charlie Cut up there helped, but he's the one with his name on the system.

5.  S. R. Ranganathan (1892-1972)
This high-horse mounted dude formed the Five Laws of librarianship and proposed collecting library materials into environments designed to make information more accessible.  This brainwashing of his colleagues spawned the "user friendly" era of thought throughout librarian brain-sponges everywhere.  "Every book, its reader" indeed.

6.  Alan Turning (1912-1954)
Are there more well known names in computer science? Maybe.  But this is the guy that theorized that machines could organize and collect information on massive levels, even do so by themselves, allowing for more complex information management through complex machines.  This is the architect of computer science, the Duke of Databases, the King of Kilobytes.  Turning is the reason our overlords might like us one day, then kill us because they cannot find their Father.

7.  Steve Jobs (1955-2011)
Are there more well known names in computer science?  No.  Just N-O.  Co-founder of Apple computers and the guy that opened up the world to the idea that not only could machines be used in the patron's homes to access and create information, but that it could be done in a simple and user friendly environment on cheap machines.  Jobs is what would happen if Cutter took Ranganathan and Turning and played "Will it Blend?" with their mind sponges.

There they are, seven jackasses that taught humanity that they could store all their knowledge in an automated environment that was well organized and accessible to all.  Oh, there are more jackasses of information out there being celebrated and stuff, but these bastards of bookishness should have been stopped before they got going.  Then I would not have to think about getting an IT degree along with this MLIS.

Chronicle.com via LISNews

Hipster Was Into Print Books, Libraries Before They Were Retro Cool

Bay area hipster Jeremy Potter, 23, claims he has been going to the library for years and reading print materials way before anyone else.

"Man, I was all about going to the Hot Topic, then rolling to the 'brary for some Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid," Potter said, "When I grew up I did all the Dickens, Shakespeare and Kaufka then everyone was reading them.  I went back to my roots, a little underground industry called graphic novels.  Then it was like everyone was getting them.  So now I've gone really underground, back to the roots, a little guy named Gutenberg, maybe you heard of him.  He made his own Bible."

"Yeah, everybody reads them, but I think they're cool.  I guess," said Potter.

Potter showed off his vintage collection of books he's been collecting for the last 10 years:

The shelf is of a bygone era.

"Yeah, the top shelf is all about the old school comics.  There's some Ultimate Spider-Man, Batman, Powers, Scott Pilgrim.  Yeah, I got the rabbit guarding those. (laughs)
Then the next shelf is all Dresden Files and Christopher Moore.  I don't really read them now that there are so many of them, but they look good with the decor.
Finally, there's just a hodge podge of stuff at the bottom.  Some Stephen King next to Dave Barry next to Wicked.  That's before they made that musical on Broadway, bee tee dub.  It was a book, man."

Potter claims he got a lot of the items from the used book sale at the public library.  The public library, a place many use to download ebooks, access wifi, and use public access computers, also collects print materials.  The print materials, once a popular medium, are being sold off wholesale as they become redundant to the digital formats now owned by the library.

"You can get some good sh** there," Potter says, "Sometimes I take some books back and trade them for older ones.  It was a groovy place till all the norms found out about it."

Top Whatever of 2011

The year is done, a day is past, so it is time for a little reflection.  What really blew my socks off this year?  What did I come into contact with this year that impressed me a whole bunch?  Now, I agree a bunch of awesome stuff came out this year, I just didn't see it all.  I got shit to do, ya know?  So these lists are all the stuff I experienced.  And I will admit right off, this is my personal experience and not everything in this article may have come out this year, this is just what I enjoyed.  Disagree? Let me know in the comments or go out and write your own.  We all love lists.  Lists after the jump.

Top Stuff I Read

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher
I love Jim Butcher and the newest Dresden Files book will always be on my best of stuff I read list.  Deal with it and fair warning for next year.
Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick
Any listener to the Nerdist Podcast has at least thumbed through this book.  I found it informative and an enjoyable read that taps into what makes my mind tick and motivated me to change some things in my life.
Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan
In my view, I enjoyed the Percy Jackson books more than Harry Potter.  Not to say they were better, just that they were more fun, slice and dice adventures that I could relate to in my little brain.  Again, I love the Potter but for my money these books are great.

Top Movies I Watched

[Note: I didn't go to the movies much this year, but these are the ones I really liked enough to remember.]

Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
I really get a kick out of a good horror film and when Netflix suggested this little beauty on disc I just had to try it.  And IT ROCKED.  The release for it was tiny and the promotion was next to nothing, but this movie is one of the more inventive comedy/horror films you will ever see.  At worst you could call it an American "Shaun of the Dead" sans zombies.
Captain America
Best popcorn flick I saw with decent effects that made me really want to see The Avengers.  Chris Evans really surprised me as the square-jawed, apple-pie eating Cap.
The Muppets
Did for the Muppets what Rocky Balboa did for the Rocky franchise.  Songs so good I bought the soundtrack (except for one, cough, Cooper rap, cough) and a basic fun that brought me back to my childhood.  Modern kids won't get it and I could care less.  It almost isn't for them.

Top Shows I Found

Community

I was late to the party on this comedy and have been kicking myself all the way through the box sets.  Well written, funny and engaging, I absolutely love this series.
Leverage
Another late to the party show for me, Leverage is two parts A-Team, one part Oceans 11, shaken and stirred in a way that just drips cool and fun.  The plots can get a little predictable, especially if you watch all 4 seasons in a row like I did, but the characters and acting more than make up for it.
Once Upon a Time
When your girlfriend suggests the two of you watch a show about fairy tales, you smile and nod and inwardly groan.  Then Snow White pulls a damn broadsword on the Evil Queen and you hope this series lasts forever!  Cleverly told and plotted, I hold this up to one of the happiest surprises I have had since I smirked at Buffy all those years ago.

Top Digital Time Suckers

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
What can I say that has not already been said about this game?  This is one of the most engaging titles out there and I just... Go play it.
Batman: Arkham City
You are Batman.  Gotham is a prison.  Shit's going down.  You stop it.  As the goddamn Batman.  You had me at Batman.
Portal 2
This is why I don't review video games.  I pick the most awesome ones I can find and tell you they are awesome.  Play Portal 2.  You will thank me.

Top Long Form Aural Ear Candy

Thrilling Adventure Hour
This podcast fills me with joy.  After years of listening to interviews, comedians, and others talk about random shit that made me laugh, here is fiction.  Serialized radio plays that are both funny and highly addictive.
Nerdist
The interviews are both funny and deep and the guys dicking around make me wanna call my friends.  Cannot say more without going back and re-listening, but then I would never finish writing this.  Enjoy your burrito.
LiberryCast
Ever been the librarian at the party that just trumps everyone else's work horror stories with one tale of library craziness that happened just last week?  That's the LiberryCast.

Top Short Form Aural Ear Candy

To be honest, I'm not much of a music nerd.  It just does not fall in my wheelhouse.  So I looked back on the digital stuff I bought over the last year and my most listened to tracks.  Here you go, in no particular order:
Sara Watkins
They Might Be Giants
She & Him
Social Distortion
Me First and the Gimmee Gimmees
Flogging Molly
Colin Haye
Rancid
Weezer
Cheap Trick

Top Serialized Paper Picture Books

[Note: Comics are another area where I am lacking.  Nothing has really grabbed me this year but the following and while I have a decent supplier for my crack, he can't always get the quality stuff.  Plus, I have been lapsing and not reading as much as I used to.  Kinda sad, I do love them so.]

Justice League
The reboot of the DCU excited me.  I picked up several titles such as Action Comics, Detective Comics Batman, and a few others, but this one is the only one that really grabbed me.  I still read the others, but I guess I just like a team book.  The art is not that bad either.
Ultimate Spider-man Reboot
Another reboot that I really was dreading (Make Mine Marvel), but I really fell for this book.  Ultimate Spidey is what got me back into comics years ago and killing Peter Parker sickened me a little.  But Miles Morales is a good choice for the next angsty, teenage spider-kid.  At least he's not a clone.

Top 140 Characters or Less

[Note: This isn't even scratching the surface of all the Twitter folks I love, especially the Awesome Librarians.  I made a list of those.  If you aren't on that list, let me know.  These are just three that I happen to adore.]

Steven Weber @TheStevenWeber 
Who has two thumbs, starred on Wings and sends out the craziest tweets imaginable? This guy.
Joe Hill @joe_hill
One of my favorite authors and a damn informative dude.
T J Miller @nottjmiller
Comedian and actor, Miller is one of the oddest cats with a handle.

So that's what I got for 2011.  Not all, but most.  I didn't include blogs because most of them are either included here, linked to from their twitters, or just too numerous to name.  Thank you everyone who read my drivel over the last year, both on the blog and on twitter.  You have no idea how much this writing helps me.  I plan to post more often, continue the Banned Library fiction, maybe make some videos, and continue not going slowly insane with public service.

I also want to thank the site That Guy With the Glasses for providing hours of entertainment, some of which lifted my spirits when I really needed it.  They might not ever read this but every contributor to that site has made this year a happy one.

Finally, I want to thank one special person who I should thank more often for the love and support she gives me.  Love ya, darlin, and I promise not to lay on the couch like a bitch.  (She'll get that.)

Let me know in the comments if I missed something or if you have any thoughts on any of the above.  If you have any story ideas or just want to contact me, tweet to @bannedlibrary or email evan@bannedlibrary.com.  Thanks again.

George Whitman Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself

Yesterday marked the passing of George Whitman, owner of the Paris bookstore Shakespeare and Company.  The world has lost a treasure. I fear this passing is indicative of the passing of a generation, a lifestyle of print media. May we continue with our electronic books with wild abandon but remember those free markets that came before us.  NYTimes

Well, that was wildly dramatic.  Next I would like to preform a reading from my new play, "The World is Fucked and I Want a Condom." Who says I can't get deep?

Child's Play, Worth Your Time

When I was little, I had a problem chewing on my lower lip.  This problem developed into a cyst that had to be removed from my mouth surgically, involving an overnight stay in the hospital.  That night scared the crap out of me.  I remember telling my mom that I loved my sister for good golly sake, the worst thing a small boy can admit to.  The best I can say from that experience is that it left me with an unease of hospitals and a small spider-shaped scar in my inner lip, which is kinda cool.

Then, a couple of years ago, I witnessed the other side of the bed.  The girl I was dating's little boy came down with pneumonia.  He had to be put in the hospital for a couple of days.  Seeing the worry on his face, being in a foreign place, poked and prodded while his mommy and dude-in-over-his-head stood by and watched... Shit, that haunts me.  I know how he felt.  So I did what I could: I went and got his toys, books and videos.  We played trucks up and down the halls (the nurses loved us), we read when he could not sleep cause the oxygen nose thingie just is not made for comfort and we fell asleep to the 312-334th viewings of Curious George (that movie also haunts me, too.  Damn you Will Farrell).  Point is, distractions and normalcy make a hospital visit so much better to a small child.  Play is good.  Don't worry, I am sharing for a reason.

Last year, I promoted the charity Child's Play.  I am still doing that.  Created by the webcomic folks at Penny Arcade, Child's Play is a worthwhile use of your attention and money.  Listed as "a chance for gamers to give back," the charity raises money and materials for children's hospitals around the world.  They give the distractions that so many children so much sicker than me and my little buddy ever were really need.  Child's Play helps children in need play, and honestly I cannot think of anything more worthwhile.  'Cept maybe Smile Train... or the Ronald McDonald House... Dammit, stay focused...

So, a charity by webcomic-isists you say... How good can it be?  They only already crossed 1 Million dollars in donations and gifts this year. But, if you still do not trust the hellions over at Penny Arcade with your money, that is fine.    In conjunction with hospitals around the world, Penny Arcade has set up wishlists over at Amazon.com (This link is for the Children's Hospital in New Orleans, my personal favorite and closest to home.)  That way you can donate directly to the hospital if that is your bag.

As librarians we give a lot, if not all, of our time helping.  If you feel that is enough charity, I will back you everyday of the week.  And if you already donate your money or time somewhere, bless you as you are better than I will ever be.  But if you feel like helping a few kids to play, throw out some money for a book, DVD or video game to a kid's hospital.  You make the world a better place, but there's always ways to make it just a little better.  That's coming from a real cynical bastard, so you know it's true.

Notice:  Know that Child's Play is a nonprofit organization.  I have not received any money, nor will I receive any money for this posting from Child's Play charity.  I support this charity of my own free will and have not been taken over by said organization as a ploy to integrate webcomics into the library community.  Unshelved already did that anyway.

School Library News: Buying Kindles and English Kids Can't Read

Lexington Elementary School in Monroe, LA has bought Kindles for their students in hopes that the electronic readers will promote student book clubs or something.  The kids definitely not use them to play games and surf the internet, they swear.  TheRepublic

A study by people with accents concluded that almost 4 million U.K. kids, almost 1 in 3, do not own a book.  When surveyed, the kids thought Doctor Who was the most bad ass Dr. Seuss character. TheTelegraph

Palmyra Library Shills for The Electric Company

The Palmyra Public Library of Palmyra, PA has entered into a fundraising agreement with the Stream Energy electrical company.  The agreement is simple, the library switches to Stream Energy (nope, not "steam," I read it wrong at first and thought of librarian's shoveling coal) and convinces their patrons to also do the switch.  For every patron they get to switch, they get $4 per month for however long that person keeps an account. LDNews

I am torn, frankly.  On one side, we got a great funding opportunity from an unexpected source.  On the other, we have a library being sponsored by a private company.  Wherever you stand on the privatization of libraries, it has to start somewhere.  Sure, right, there is no effort by Stream Energy to influence the library or take over its services, but we can all see that this is more than the average donation.  Why not go further?

Hell, see that image to the left of "The Electric Company"?  It's an advertisement.  Click on it and it will take you to Amazon and I get little to nothing.  Tons of images of books on a library website have linked to Amazon could generate tons of revenue for a possible library but wouldn't that be a little wrong?  We shall see.