Webster Dictionary Mournes Britannica, Vows Revenge

The copy of the Webster's Dictionary in the Banned Library is in mourning after the announcement that the Encyclopaedia Britannica will have no more updated print editions released.  Librarians and the current Britannica edition attempted to appeal to the book's sense of honor in upholding information relevancy, but the dictionary would not have it.

"You sons of bitches don't understand," Webster's Dictionary was quoted as saying, "This is not the first nor the last time I have seen this happen.  When they came for the Farmer's Almanac, I said nothing.  When they came for Americana, I said nothing.  But now they got Britannica?!  That mother was old, dude!  Before long the only resources on the reference shelf will be me, Chase's Calendar of Events and Guinness Book of World Records, and have you tried holding a conversation with a date freak and a drunk?  'Today's the annual Rutabaga Festival in I Don't Care, Arkansas.  Didja know the oldest lady is hiccup Irish crap...'  Well, you know what?  I'm not going down without a fight.  I'm coming after you, Wikipedia.  Do you have a word for Dictionary Death, Urban Dictionary?  You're about to."

Information Security experts have been put on alert after Mr. Dictionary escaped confinement at the Banned Library and disappeared.  Librarians at the Banned Library said not to worry that the edition could not get far as it does not include any maps but are worried as it is a paperback edition and will not be able to endure the spring rains.

Encyclopaedia Britannica Closes Book On Hard Copies - NPR

Brooklyn Public Library Will Publish Your Book

The Brooklyn Public Library has a new machine called the Espresso Book Machine that will allow patrons to publish their own ebooks as actual print books.  The process takes about four to five minutes and costs something or nothing, but I'm not sure because I did not get that far in the article and that's why I link at the bottom.

Road trip!  Finally, Banned Library and the Literary Robotic Ninja Pirate War will see the light of day!  Look for it at your local place people lay things down at hoping other people will pick them up this winter or when ever I can find the time to drive 2,000 miles.  Here's a blurb from the cover of my 4,235 page opus:

In a world where lawlessness and disorder are seen as a bad things, the Banned Library stands tall.  Enter Yumi Longbeard, recent graduate of the Banned County Polytechnic and Library School.  She will serve as the children's librarian to clean up these mean stacks while working to unite the pirate and ninja clans that infest the streets.  Oh, yeah, did we mention she's the love child of a pirate and a ninja? Hell yeah, she is.


"Best book I have ever read" - William Shakespeare
"If I had read this, Pride and Prejudice would have been totally different" - Jane Austen


Print your own books at the Brooklyn Public Library - New York Daily News

Ebook News: Apple May Get Sued and Price Wars: The New Hope

A Random Newspaper (link below) reports that the Wall Street Journal reports that the US Justice Department may sue Apple and five major book publishers for conspiring to raise the prices of ebooks.

Google Play (Google's new media outlet) and Amazon are involved in a price war on ebooks that are creating great deals on titles.  

In an effort to stay balanced and fair, this librarian has decided to present the following argument:

These two stories have been included to show that commerce is good and Apple is an evil, Borg-like organization that feeds on making you not think like a fat man feeds on super duper triple chunk mocha fudge brownie Rockie Road Ice Cream.  

My iPhone's battery went to crap so I got an Android.  Who loses? Me, I'm still on AT&T.

US Justice Dept may sue Apple, publishers on e-book pricing -WSJ

Google Play And Amazon Involved In Price War Leading To Amazing Deals On EBooks

Google Combines Digital Libraries into Google Play

Google yesterday combined their Books, Music and Movie stores into one big market for Android called "Google Play."  This consolidation of services hopes to rival such entities as Amazon and iTunes.

Well, poopie, there goes my productivity.  I felt so productive every day, checking for deals at each section but now all that is lost.  Just one website?  Man, I won't know what to do with myself.  It's like they moved a Wal-mart right in the middle of my library.  This just breaks my soul at how unbusy I feel right now.

Okay, this article sucks, but they all can't be winners.  I'm watching a spider crawl on my coworker right now.  She is oblivious.

Where Google Is Going With 'Google Play,' New Online Store And Library - TPM

Not So Sexy Library Peoples

Okay, let's point out how fun it can be to work in a library by turning a flashlight on two wonderful patrons:

An on-duty firefighter caught a Cambridge, Mass man looking at porn and masturbating in the Waterton Public Library.  The firefighter was in the fire station and just happened to look through his window and noticed the man in the library that is adjacent to the library.  He called the police and the man was charaged with open and gross lewdness.  bostonchannel.com

In Chicago's Northside library, a man was reported with looking at child pornography within the library.  Now, mostly he was looking at pornographic video games and cartoons, so maybe the pornography was meant to be for children instead of of children...  I dunno and do not want to speculate.  chicagotribune.com

So, forward that to your friends that think working at a library would be a cushy job.  Welcome to public service.

Oxford Union Librarian Candidate Promotes Self With "Great Rack"

Oxford librarian candidate Madeline Grant wrote an inappropriate comment about having "a great rack" in her resume proposal to become the student librarian.  The comments were quickly removed, but not before newspapers heard about it and were all "heh heh, sexy librarian."  People decried the comments as sexist.

I...  Hmmmm, how do I comment on this?  Is breast size important to librarianship?  No.  Does it in anyway help a librarian do their job?  Dunno, I'm a guy, but my man-boobs have never seen any love in any way while on the job.  I have seen inappropriate attention sent towards the more attractive coworkers in my profession, though, so there are some patrons that are simply sexist jerks that use looks as a reason to put down the profession.

However, I will say the comment does show one important aspect that people leave out of librarianship: Sense of humor.  A bad, inappropriate and irreverent sense of humor in this case, but a willingness to have a little fun on the job can be priceless on the days when things are not going the right way.  I do not want to condone her comments, but I do wish to put out a call for some people to lighten up and enjoy their jobs.  You know who you are.  Or probably not, but I do not have time to list all of you.  Of course, I guess if you are not one of those people, you are in no way reading this and think my blog and I are the worst thing since Library 2.0.  Merry Christmas.

If you would like to see a pic of Madeline, here ya go:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110387/Madeleine-Grant-librarian-contest-Oxford-University-student-boasts-I-great-rack.html
Would-be librarian rues breast quip - Littlehampton Gazette

Android 'Jelly Bean" and "Key Lime Pie"? What's Next?

So Android Ice Cream Sandwich is here continuing Androids naming convention of sweets and others are already starting to speculate the further confectionery type names.  So here we go with our own guesses:

5.   Jelly Bean
6.   Key Lime Pie
7.   Lemon Square
8.   Mounds
9.   Nougat
10.  Orange Slices
11.  Peanut Brittle
12.  Quarters
13.  Razor Blade-filled Ring Pops
14.  Sugar
15.  Tea, sweet
16.  Unicorn Pie
17.  V Brand Gelatin Mice
18.  Whopper
19.  X-rated panties
20.  Yogurt with peanuts
21.  Zagnut

Asus confirms Android 5.0 Jelly Bean name?
Android 6.0 is Key Lime Pie?